love problem, need advice, somebody, HELP HIM!

[Duke Red]

Invading her privacy is honestly stooping very low and I disagree strongly with your choice of actions but will give you my 2 cents anyway.

Continuing to confess your attraction to her will only serve to annoy her as she's made it clear that a relationship is not what she is seeking for at the moment. I assume that by virtue of being her friend, you have some idea of what she is looking for now... friendship perhaps. If so, be her friend now as there may be something to gain in future. Shoving your affection down her throat is not going to get you anywhere. She ALREADY KNOWS how you feel.

In time she will be ready for a relationship again. This time, please don't confess your feelings again and ask ,"can I be your boyfriend?". That's for 12 year olds. If you want something, just do it. Ask her out and just act the part a boyfriend would. Don't ask questions you don't know the answer to, or don't want to hear. Show her what kind of boyfriend you can be just by acting the part. Talk is cheap and asking for approval to be her boyfriend is out of style. I assume you are able to read body language? After some time, try getting closer and closer to her until the point she allows you to hold her hand (If you can read body language and sense she's not responding, change your course of action of you'll be charged with sexual harrasment). Take it further after that. If she allows you to do that she's either accepted you as a boyfriend or she's a slut.

Remember, don't ask. Just act.

 

[Duke Red]

I've read through all your advices and here's some updated news. I was flirting with her all these while, (i knew that someone else is flirting with her as well)telling her that I love her all the while, and just seems to be ok with it and flirt with me as well. Recently she told me her pc got problem, so I went to her house to help her format her computer and reinstall window xp, since she didn't have all the driver cd for her pc, I cant format, just did another installation. Meanwhile, she went upstairs to do something(The computer is downstairs). Because I was so curious about the other guy who was also flirting with her, I went to C://Documents and Settings/+censored/My Documents/My Chat Logs/ . She was smart though, encrypting her chat log with Messenger Plus. So I went to C://Documents and Settings/+censored/My Documents/My Received Files/[email protected]/ and there, all the chat logs are there, I uploaded few chat logs of her best friends and my 'competitor' into my FTP server. Then, I just went ahead and installed all the other stuff in her computer.

Then, we went to Times Square to watch movie with some other friends. I sat beside her and saw that my competitor sms-ed her and called her. Then I told her to tell him we were watching movie. She told me he is very annoying and irritating. Halfway through the movie, I got my courage and took you guys' advices. I took a deep breath and confessed my feelings to her once again and asked if we could be together. She didn't even have any reaction. She just told me that she told me before that she had a reason and she can't be with me. After that, I borrowed her phone to call my friend ( my phone no more credit ), I wasn't really familliar with her phone, and accidentaly went into her call logs, saw that she called my competitor quite often. Then I went to check her Friends and Family list via *128# and saw that I wasn't even in that list. I don't have the mood to read her inbox after that, haha

I was sad after that, the moment the movie was over, I went off with another friend and kept a distance between her and me, I was trying to avoid her. Soon she sms-ed me and told me that it's just that she doesn't want to get involved in another relationship as it wasn't the time.


When I reached home, i jumped to my laptop immediately and downloaded the chat logs from my FTP server. Read the chat logs between my competitor and her. Found out that she was also flirting with my competitor. I seriously can't believe it, I was far far behind compared to my competitor when I thought I was far in front. After reading the chat logs, I realized that she TOLD BOTH OF US that she doesn't want to get involved in a relationship and suprisingly, both of us had said that we will give her time as she needs to think.

The conclusion is, by invading her privacy, I found out that I was being treated like a fool all these while. She's just flirting with 2 guys, so she can have the options to CHOOSE the best. I also found out that for one week, I will be watching movie with her, few days after that, he will watch with her.

Can you guys tell me if I shouldn't have invaded her privacy by reading her chat logs and continue being a fool? Consider herself lucky I didn't set up a VPN on her computer so that I can gain access to her chat logs all the time.

Can you guys give me ur oppinion on this case?

Thank you.

Dude please take note that you sound like a borderline stalker and what you are doing is actually illegal by law. We sometimes have to think with our heads and not our hearts. Your head often tells you the right thing to do, and I don't mean the one that spits out white venom.

 

[astalavista_baby]

I've read through all your advices and here's some updated news. I was flirting with her all these while, (i knew that someone else is flirting with her as well)telling her that I love her all the while, and just seems to be ok with it and flirt with me as well. Recently she told me her pc got problem, so I went to her house to help her format her computer and reinstall window xp, since she didn't have all the driver cd for her pc, I cant format, just did another installation. Meanwhile, she went upstairs to do something(The computer is downstairs). Because I was so curious about the other guy who was also flirting with her, I went to C://Documents and Settings/+censored/My Documents/My Chat Logs/ . She was smart though, encrypting her chat log with Messenger Plus. So I went to C://Documents and Settings/+censored/My Documents/My Received Files/[email protected]/ and there, all the chat logs are there, I uploaded few chat logs of her best friends and my 'competitor' into my FTP server. Then, I just went ahead and installed all the other stuff in her computer.

Then, we went to Times Square to watch movie with some other friends. I sat beside her and saw that my competitor sms-ed her and called her. Then I told her to tell him we were watching movie. She told me he is very annoying and irritating. Halfway through the movie, I got my courage and took you guys' advices. I took a deep breath and confessed my feelings to her once again and asked if we could be together. She didn't even have any reaction. She just told me that she told me before that she had a reason and she can't be with me. After that, I borrowed her phone to call my friend ( my phone no more credit ), I wasn't really familliar with her phone, and accidentaly went into her call logs, saw that she called my competitor quite often. Then I went to check her Friends and Family list via *128# and saw that I wasn't even in that list. I don't have the mood to read her inbox after that, haha

I was sad after that, the moment the movie was over, I went off with another friend and kept a distance between her and me, I was trying to avoid her. Soon she sms-ed me and told me that it's just that she doesn't want to get involved in another relationship as it wasn't the time.


When I reached home, i jumped to my laptop immediately and downloaded the chat logs from my FTP server. Read the chat logs between my competitor and her. Found out that she was also flirting with my competitor. I seriously can't believe it, I was far far behind compared to my competitor when I thought I was far in front. After reading the chat logs, I realized that she TOLD BOTH OF US that she doesn't want to get involved in a relationship and suprisingly, both of us had said that we will give her time as she needs to think.

The conclusion is, by invading her privacy, I found out that I was being treated like a fool all these while. She's just flirting with 2 guys, so she can have the options to CHOOSE the best. I also found out that for one week, I will be watching movie with her, few days after that, he will watch with her.

Can you guys tell me if I shouldn't have invaded her privacy by reading her chat logs and continue being a fool? Consider herself lucky I didn't set up a VPN on her computer so that I can gain access to her chat logs all the time.

Can you guys give me ur oppinion on this case?

Thank you.

Mate, this sounds like one of those I read from the Lowyat.NET forum. Is that your friend?

 

[kokanChai]

Ya u are right..

he my friends!

just wanna share u guys advise in different forum!
to help him out

 

[tombstone]

xxxx

kokan, you sure its your fren and not you ar dude? seems very personal...anyway too many pplz have given advice and i m not gonna start either except to say...whether its you or your fren, do what ur heart tells you to do...stop trying to rationalised every god damn thing, and juz let it flow... if it is not meant to be, stop insisting that it is...and life has gotta go on...so get out there and mix around ...tonnes more nicer wans, u juz gotta take your time to sort out ur shit and find one (or many-- up 2 u but i think u better stick to one since one also got problem)..anyway your DESTINY LIES IN YOUR OWN HANDS!!! SO STOP USING UR HAND FOR OTHER THINGS AND KEEP IT STRICTLY fOR SHAKING HANDS IN ORDER TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS!

 

[white_bird]

totally agree with duke...

 

[DRiftAGster]

there are tonnes of this type of gals around -- they want everybody to treat them nice and like the feeling of being treated nice by guys who are interested in them.... and they will always says - "wait, give me time, i am not ready.... too many guys "chasing me" and i really dont know who to choose.... we just remain fren for now"

they wont reject you but will hang in there just to keep the option open.... time waster.....
in the end, whether u r chosen or not, it all depends on luck - and whether u r her type....

for me, dont waste time on this kind of gal, especially for a guy like u (or your fren) who takes relationship over-seriously. better give up then to get hurt..... IT IS NOT WORTH to get hurt in love BY SOMEONE who never really loved u....

i always thought it is worth the sacrifice but after a few times, u will realise that it is not worth it....just my opinion....

 

[Duke Red]

I don't think it's always right to blame the girl. She's already been perfectly honest in that nothing will happen. Yes these guys still want to press the issue. It takes 2 hands to clap.

 

[escaflowne]

From what i read la..I not gonna comment anything about you intruding her privacy(smart way perhaps)..
IMO,she is treating relationship as go pasar buy vege.You see,of course you want the best price for the vege you want.So you go scout around,found a few "potential" vege seller.But,you tell them wait la,i see first,not time yet.After that you continue your scouting for vege.
In fact,relationship is not like go pasar buy vege.The problem of ppl nowadays is that,we are choosing partner according to the same mentality as we go pasar to choose vege.We often heard,"i want he/she to be like this,he/she must be my preferrence of this and that etc etc".BUT,everyone is different.Not everyone name is chan ah kow or lee ah mui..The fact is we are diff,so if we are diff by our own self.How we find the "right " one?
Your life partner is the one that will bring you up when you kena fukup at work.And when you feel happy,nice,chun at work.He/she will gonna fuk you up when you got back home.That's life,everything happen in a balance.If we see relationship as choosing the right vege,we are like chopping a one sided magnet and wan both same sided magnet to stick together>>impossible.AND,it will never end.
It is not that we can't find someone that is somehow fit our preferrence BUT bare in mind,your life partner AIN'T gonna be like what you think he/she "should be like that" "will be like that" "you like them to be like that" coz if currently it seems like so, very sure that he/she has something which "doesn't be like that" ,"you doesn't like them to be like that".
My advice to you,just be friend with her.And ask yourself? you wanna be a result of a "vege" because her perception of relationship or you keep your life going to find the one that will accompany through your life.

cheers

 

[SkYwAlKeR]

dont be too sad bro... invading people's privacy is something u shouldnt do... she have the right to choose the guy she want... she wanna make sure who really treats her well... give her more time.... love isnt about getting how much back after u've given out... u cant force her to choose u because u've done so much for her.... it takes time to let her trully understand ur feeling and ur sincerity...

dont force her so much... keep being good friends with her... flirt more with her... make her have the feeling of remembering u when u are not around her.... i know its hard but these things need time... if u cant wait, means u dont love her that much...