This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys
that finish last, that never become more than
friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching
about what assholes guys are, while disproving
the very point. This is dedicated to those guys
who always provide a shoulder to lean on but
restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys
who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on
the back and sit patiently outside the changing
room at department stores. This is in honor of the
guys that obligingly reiterate how
cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends
are at the appropriate moment, because they
know most girls need that litany of support. This is
in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-
back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in
honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet,
from her privacy to her theology to her clothing
style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk,
bewildered female friends back from parties and
never take advantage once they’re at her door, for
the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers
against the rest of the creepy male population, for
the guys who know a girl is fishing for
compliments but give them out anyway, for the
guys who always play by the rules in a game
where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who
are accredited as boyfriend material but
somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all
the nice guys who are overlooked,
underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the
nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and
unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages
on your cell phone, and when you called her back,
she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting
two sentences her boyfriend said to her over
dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend
was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it
was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is
for that time she interrupted the best killing spree
you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a
rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she
thinks is the most repulsive person in the world.
And even though you thought it was immature and
you had nothing against the guy, you paused the
game for two hours and helped her concoct a
counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is
also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after
numerous vows that there was nothing “serious”
between the two of you, she dragged you to a
party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful,
and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying
each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to
everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even
though you were invited purely as a symbolic
warm body for her ego, you went anyways.
Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit
is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice
guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they
should. And I wish I could logically explain this
trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on
campus and what I have learned from talking to
friends at other schools and in the workplace, the
only conclusion I can form is that many girls are
just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them
claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when
presented with such a specimen, they say
irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too
nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but
he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so
much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or
the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our
friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of
datable men in the world, and they expect their
too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and
apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys,
girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I
can’t figure out why the connection breaks down
between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and
what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete
ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the
nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last
forever. There are definitely many girls who grow
out of that train of thought and realize they should
be ****** the nice guys, not taking them for
granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and
even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to
all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I
know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as
ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the
world needs your patience in the department
store, your holding open of doors, your party
escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker
for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, insane, absurd
things you tolerate, for all the situations where you
are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades,
my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to
you. You do have credibility in this society, and
your well deserved vindication is coming.
to all you guys out there!!!!!
that finish last, that never become more than
friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching
about what assholes guys are, while disproving
the very point. This is dedicated to those guys
who always provide a shoulder to lean on but
restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys
who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on
the back and sit patiently outside the changing
room at department stores. This is in honor of the
guys that obligingly reiterate how
cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends
are at the appropriate moment, because they
know most girls need that litany of support. This is
in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-
back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in
honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet,
from her privacy to her theology to her clothing
style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk,
bewildered female friends back from parties and
never take advantage once they’re at her door, for
the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers
against the rest of the creepy male population, for
the guys who know a girl is fishing for
compliments but give them out anyway, for the
guys who always play by the rules in a game
where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who
are accredited as boyfriend material but
somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all
the nice guys who are overlooked,
underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the
nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and
unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages
on your cell phone, and when you called her back,
she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting
two sentences her boyfriend said to her over
dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend
was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it
was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is
for that time she interrupted the best killing spree
you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a
rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she
thinks is the most repulsive person in the world.
And even though you thought it was immature and
you had nothing against the guy, you paused the
game for two hours and helped her concoct a
counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is
also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after
numerous vows that there was nothing “serious”
between the two of you, she dragged you to a
party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful,
and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying
each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to
everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even
though you were invited purely as a symbolic
warm body for her ego, you went anyways.
Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit
is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice
guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they
should. And I wish I could logically explain this
trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on
campus and what I have learned from talking to
friends at other schools and in the workplace, the
only conclusion I can form is that many girls are
just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them
claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when
presented with such a specimen, they say
irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too
nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but
he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so
much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or
the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our
friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of
datable men in the world, and they expect their
too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and
apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys,
girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I
can’t figure out why the connection breaks down
between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and
what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete
ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the
nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last
forever. There are definitely many girls who grow
out of that train of thought and realize they should
be ****** the nice guys, not taking them for
granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and
even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to
all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I
know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as
ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the
world needs your patience in the department
store, your holding open of doors, your party
escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker
for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, insane, absurd
things you tolerate, for all the situations where you
are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades,
my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to
you. You do have credibility in this society, and
your well deserved vindication is coming.
to all you guys out there!!!!!
