hahahaha .. i like the papaya .. ;)
Jokes Archieve - Text Based
- Thread starter sakuraguy
- Start date
- Replies 1K
- Views 49K
-
See what others are reading now! Try Forums > Current Activity
*This is a 'BEST JOKE' award winner in **UK *
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he
sawSteven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes
over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says 'You Chinese people bombed
our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.'
The astonished Chinese man replied 'It was not the Chinese who bombed
your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese'.
'Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,' replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says 'You sank the
Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship.'
Shocked, Spielberg replies 'It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.'
The Chinese replies, 'Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same.'
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition in
Britain
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he
sawSteven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes
over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says 'You Chinese people bombed
our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.'
The astonished Chinese man replied 'It was not the Chinese who bombed
your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese'.
'Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,' replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says 'You sank the
Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship.'
Shocked, Spielberg replies 'It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.'
The Chinese replies, 'Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same.'
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition in
Britain
Good one...
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is
also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a
dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks
up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah,
yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had
just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings
him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll
take the Macaroni and chesse with broccoli."
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man
is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the
blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming
and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your
panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands
her husband the fork back.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready
and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and
I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says,
"Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is
also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a
dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks
up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah,
yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had
just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings
him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll
take the Macaroni and chesse with broccoli."
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man
is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the
blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming
and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your
panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands
her husband the fork back.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready
and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and
I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says,
"Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"
This is really a good one!
Thanks Mel.
Thanks Mel.
Teacher: Make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times?
Santa : Lara Dutta marries Brian Lara and she becomes Lara Lara.
Santa went to Mysore palace..
Tourist guide : Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu Sultan's chair.
Santa : oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes!!
Santa wanted to make a STD call to Punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.
Santa : Lara Dutta marries Brian Lara and she becomes Lara Lara.
Santa went to Mysore palace..
Tourist guide : Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu Sultan's chair.
Santa : oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes!!
Santa wanted to make a STD call to Punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.
hahahah..... this is a good joke la. kakakaka.
Why condoms come in boxes of 3, 6 and 12
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies,
"Those are condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively,
"Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,
"Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies,
"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday,
and ONE for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks: "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers,
"TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy,
"Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied:
"Those are for the married men.
ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March...etc."
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies,
"Those are condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively,
"Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,
"Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies,
"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday,
and ONE for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks: "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers,
"TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy,
"Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied:
"Those are for the married men.
ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March...etc."
This is hilarious!!! Remember this the next time you need to return
something and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!!
A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a
refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her
that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager
in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager went to the woman and asked,"Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he
can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman threw her arms up in the air and screamed,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!"
This began to draw an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleaded,
"Ma'am, why are you saying that?"
In a huff, the woman said,
"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE
MY NIPPLES PINCHED
WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!
something and they are giving you a hard time!!!!!!!
A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a
refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her
that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager
in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager went to the woman and asked,"Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he
can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman threw her arms up in the air and screamed,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!"
This began to draw an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleaded,
"Ma'am, why are you saying that?"
In a huff, the woman said,
"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE
MY NIPPLES PINCHED
WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!
Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c implies a=c. Tell me an example.
Student : I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" o"shoot himself".
What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbours wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"
Student : I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" o"shoot himself".
What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbours wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"
http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/9007/s1fg2.png
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/7545/s2bq9.png
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/4048/s3ae8.png
http://img509.imageshack.us/img509/5239/s4be5.png
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/4338/s5yf4.png
http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/5918/s6fy2.png
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/4586/s7mk7.png
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/8978/s8fu3.png
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/7545/s2bq9.png
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/4048/s3ae8.png
http://img509.imageshack.us/img509/5239/s4be5.png
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/4338/s5yf4.png
http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/5918/s6fy2.png
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/4586/s7mk7.png
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/8978/s8fu3.png
NO NO NO!!!
A man with a 25 inch long weenie goes to his doctor to complain that he
is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more
than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there
anything you can do for me?
The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do
know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him
directions to the witch.
The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my weenie is
25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are
my only hope."
The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I
think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into
the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog
sitting on a log. This frog has magical powers. You must say to frog,
will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less
to your problem."
The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out
to the frog, "Will you marry me?"
The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO!"
The man looked down and suddenly his wee was 5 inches shorter.
"WOW," he screamed out loud, "this is great!" However he realized it's
still too long at 20 inches, so he asked the frog to marry him again."
"Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted.
The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"
The man felt another twitch in his pants, looked down, and it was another
5 inches shorter.
The man laughed,"This is fantastic." He looked down again, 15 inches
long, and reflected for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster,
just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looked across the pond
and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?"
The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, "How many times
do I have to tell you? NO, N, NO!!!
A man with a 25 inch long weenie goes to his doctor to complain that he
is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more
than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there
anything you can do for me?
The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do
know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him
directions to the witch.
The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my weenie is
25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are
my only hope."
The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I
think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into
the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog
sitting on a log. This frog has magical powers. You must say to frog,
will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less
to your problem."
The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out
to the frog, "Will you marry me?"
The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO!"
The man looked down and suddenly his wee was 5 inches shorter.
"WOW," he screamed out loud, "this is great!" However he realized it's
still too long at 20 inches, so he asked the frog to marry him again."
"Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted.
The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"
The man felt another twitch in his pants, looked down, and it was another
5 inches shorter.
The man laughed,"This is fantastic." He looked down again, 15 inches
long, and reflected for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster,
just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looked across the pond
and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?"
The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, "How many times
do I have to tell you? NO, N, NO!!!
Meaning of M.P
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN?
CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH?
CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT?
CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS
OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : AND WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN?
CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR
OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE : MAGNANIM OUS PERSONALITY SIR
OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW
CANDIDATE MY PERFORMANCE. ...?
OFFICER : M P!!!!
CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR?
OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN?
CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH?
CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT?
CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS
OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : AND WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN?
CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR
OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE : MAGNANIM OUS PERSONALITY SIR
OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW
CANDIDATE MY PERFORMANCE. ...?
OFFICER : M P!!!!
CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR?
OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2007
- Messages
- 1,782
- Points
- 5,138
Very good one
hahaha...... next time i should try like that also if i cant found hua hua hua.....
Similar threads
The Marketplace Latest
-
Proton Preve R3 body kit
- Started by jeff6126
- Exterior and Body
-
brake caliper spray
- Started by jeff6126
- Exterior and Body
-
Perodua Axia Rahmah bodykit
- Started by jeff6126
- Exterior and Body
Posts refresh every 5 minutes
Recent Posts
Search
Enjoying Zerotohundred?
Log-in for an ad-less experience