Jokes Archieve - Text Based

[melody]

* W O R D S *

A husband read an article to his wife about how
many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's
15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
"What?"



* CREATION *

A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how
you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same
time.
"The wife responded," Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to
me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

 

[melody]

* WIFE VS HUSBAND *

A couple drove down a country road for several
miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules,goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws



* WOMEN'S REVENGE *

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items
the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote
control for a television set in her purse."So, do you
always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping
with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I
could do to him legally."



* UNDERSTANDING WOMEN *
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take
boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the
hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

 

[sakuraguy]

haha .. nice ones mel .. thnx for alive back this thread ;)

 

[melody]

Funny Marriage means..

http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/2815/pic1wa2.jpg

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http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/3332/pic8kg5.jpg

http://img182.imageshack.us/img182/8536/pic9hz5.jpg

 

[melody]

How Smart Is Your Right Foot?

This is so funny that it will thrill your mind.

And, you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can
outsmart your foot. But you simply can't !!!

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand.. Your foot will change direction!!!

I told you so.. And there is nothing you can do about it!<?

 

[melody]

DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY

Boy 1: Why do you
run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked
lady, I'll turn into stone.
A part of me is getting hard already!

NAMES OF WIVES

A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... baby doll
3rd wife.....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol !

HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME

This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while
thinking a name of his country
and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?"...

RESEARCH FINDING

Research shows men are fatter than women because
every-night men get fresh
milk & 2 papayas
women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of
starch!

SERVICE

Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and
sometimes you have to be
satisfied with self-service"

HAPPY MAN

What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy
and .. Wife on the cover of "missing
persons"

SWIMSUIT

Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY
section.

GOOD AMBITION

Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u
can tell a woman to take
off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.

DENTIST

Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll
rather have a baby than
have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the
chair accordingly."

VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted
her tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "

OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL

75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten
everything.

 

[melody]

Just for kidding~~

http://img237.imageshack.us/img237/7175/s1mx4.jpg

http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/9240/s2jr1.jpg

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http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/6085/s7kw8.jpg

http://img237.imageshack.us/img237/8201/s8iw2.jpg

 

[sakuraguy]

Mel .. u made my day ;)

 

[melody]

u made my nite..
A NighT tO ReMeMbEr~~..:embaressed_smile:
Good Nitez..:goodnight:
Sweet Dreamz..
& Sleep Titez Titez..:sleep:

 

[xerofighter]

heard it from the hitz fm morning crew today:

Jessica Alba should act in a Malaysian movie called "Jangan pandang saya punya belakang"!

 

[melody]

Black & White

Black ~ White

http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/399/38641726av7.jpg

http://img511.imageshack.us/img511/7792/32385545xd7.jpg

http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/2676/57970620wh6.jpg

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http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/6485/63484843ji2.jpg

http://img511.imageshack.us/img511/6983/36428908jp1.jpg

 

[sakuraguy]

u made my nite..
A NighT tO ReMeMbEr~~..:embaressed_smile:
Good Nitez..:goodnight:
Sweet Dreamz..
& Sleep Titez Titez..:sleep:

Woah .. still can come here and post at 2am .. gosh .. i slept after tat, mmm... thnx ;) :_: :embaressed_smile:

 

[sakuraguy]

Black Goat .. hahaha funny ones Mel .. thnx

 

[melody]

TWO NUNS


http://img509.imageshack.us/img509/1231/nun1vq6.gif

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM).

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

http://img522.imageshack.us/img522/4248/nun2kj1.gif

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

I'll pray for you! http://img509.imageshack.us/img509/362/nun3io2.gif

 

[melody]

Woah .. still can come here and post at 2am .. gosh .. i slept after tat, mmm... thnx ;) :_: :embaressed_smile:

i'm a nite angel..:angel_smile:
http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/8315/angeloq0.gif

 

[melody]

Black Goat .. hahaha funny ones Mel .. thnx

ur most welcome..

http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/9718/hugsfn9ru0.jpg
http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/5425/melth3.gifel

 

[melody]

http://img243.imageshack.us/img243/8272/image001ek3.jpg

 

[melody]

http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/5862/jokeforwardhd2.jpg

 

[melody]

Imagine you are in Africa. You have been tied hanging on a tree with
a rope anchored on the ground, a candle is slowly burning the rope,
and the lion is waiting for you to drop and be his lunch.

http://img511.imageshack.us/img511/3638/lion1pg3.jpg

Your survival hinges on the rope staying intact, there is no one
around to help you. What to do now ..........



Scroll down for answer...
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/ Sing a Happy Birthday song.

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http://img519.imageshack.us/img519/4336/lion2hp2.jpg


Howzzzzzz that!!!!!!!

http://img519.imageshack.us/img519/1513/lion3rw3.gif

 

[melody]

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