JeSt fOr LaUgHs...

[melody]

Christmas Song

Dildoes and corsets and Chainmail Bikinis
Black Leather cages you lock on your weenies
Fetish and fashion and pierced nipple rings
These are a few of my favorite things ...

When the lash bites
When the crop stings
When it hits the Spot
I simply remember my favorite things
And it makes me feel ... so hot!!

Wrist cuffs and collars and straps of black leather
Chrome chains and Padlocks to hold them together
Tease whips and gags sort the girls from the boys
These are a few of my favorite toys ...

Nip Clips and Clit clips and Ball gags and Blindfolds
Dildoes and butt plugs to stop up your assholes
Enema pipes and some new "KY" gel
All delivered in brown paper, so the neighbors can't tell ...

Bottle green panties like the girls wore in school
A brief French maids outfit to make your mouth drool
Black halter tops and a PVC skirt
And a long leather whip ... Oh yes, that will hurt!!

Floggers and paddles and crops of black leather
Rubber and latex are fun in all weather
Canes of rattan that deliver a sting
All these and more are my favorite things!!!

When the lash bites
When the crop stings
When it hits the Spot
I simply remember my favorite things
And it makes me feel ... so hot!!

 

[melody]

The Fucking Night Before Christmas, Dammit!

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Everybody felt shitty -- even the mouse.
Mom at the Whorehouse and Dad smoking grass;
I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece to see what the matter
Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment: it must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment the fat fucker fell.
He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart,
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!"


~~~~~~~~


Xmas Carols for the Alternative Sexual Lifestyle:

Little Hummer Boy

A Lay In A Manger

Oh, Cum All Ye Faithful

I Came Upon A Midnight Queer

Here Cums Santa Claus

I'm Creaming On A White Christmas

You Boff The Red-nosed Vain Queer

Oh, Hole-y Night

Santa Claus Is Cumming, You Clown

Frosty The Blow Man

 

[melody]

Why Santa Can't Possibly Be A Man

a. Men can't pack a bag
b. Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
c. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen
with all those elves
d. Men don't answer their mail
e. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in
just as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly"
f. Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them
g. Having to do the Ho-Ho-Ho thing would seriously inhibit their
ability to pick up women
h. Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

********

Roses are Redish, Violets are Bluesh.
If it wasn't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish.

Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down?
He was waiting for the snow blower!


Top 10 Signs Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid

10. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"

9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes.

8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and
handling.

7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are styrofoam
peanuts.

6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.

5. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the dork list.

4. Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee.

3. First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard
and I'll put the hurt on you."

2. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown."

1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"

 

[melody]

Father Christmas was in the Grotto, when after days of young children
filing past, he was confronted by a lovely looking eighteen year old
girl.

She sits herself down on Santa's knee and he asks her what she wants for
Christmas. She says, "Well Santa, I've got no pubic hairs on my pussy,
and I wondered if you could get me some for Christmas?"

Santa replies, "Well I don't know, if I can get you Pubic hairs on your
Pussy, will white whiskers do?"

~~~~~

That wily old pervert St. Nick
Made good use of the curve to his dick.
He glazed the whole shaft
Painted stripes, then he laughed
As he offered young ladies a lick.

The night started with hot sexual talk,
As they screwed they lost track of the clock.
Throughout the next day,
They continued to play,
Until neither were able to walk!

 

[melody]

Twisted Sing-A-Longs

Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph the red nosed wino,
Had a very shiny nose,
And if you got too close to him,
He would take off his clothes.
All of the other winos,
Used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Rudolph,
Join in any wino games.
Then one chilly Christmas Eve,
Rudolph froze to death in an alley.
End of story.

~~~~~

Deck The Halls

See that drag queen his name's Molly.
Fa La La La La La La La La
For 50 bucks he'll make you jolly.
Fa La La La La La La La La
See him in his gay apparel.
Fa La La La La La La La La
You should meet his brother Carol.
Fa La La La La La La La La

 

[melody]

Whore's Business

Sung to the Tune of ~ White Christmas

I'm waiting for a whore's business,
But I'm three dollars short on dough.
While her earrings glisten,
Her pimp will listen,
He's hiding close by in a Roll's.

I'm waiting for a whore's business,
Although I'm shriveled from the cold.
She will warm my body,
And act real naughty,
As well as all the other things she's told.

I'm waiting for a whore's business,
She's got my money in her fly.
Her large breasts are bobbing,
Makes my dick start throbbing,
As I watch her pimp mouth the word "Goodbye.

"I'm waiting for a whore's business,
She has a beautiful dark tan.
As she peels off her clothing,
I am filled with loathing,
And discover that she really is a man.

 

[melody]

A Christmas Carol

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
everyone felt shitty, even the mouse

Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass

When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece to see what's the matter

Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment the old fucker fell

He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer

He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart

He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight
Piss on you all and have a good night

- Have a nice Christmas, asshole



Things Santa Shouldn't Say To The Girls

1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
5. I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk, sister!
6. Some of my best toys run on batteries.
7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it)
8. I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear, do you?
9. Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list!
10. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

.......

Money's Short Times are Hard
Here's your Fucking Christmas Card

 

[melody]

http://img247.imageshack.us/img247/5347/img367874580lb4.gif
~~mel~~http://img122.imageshack.us/img122/3373/lipstiny1dark8230430fi2.jpg

http://img357.imageshack.us/img357/5237/img687874593td9.gif

There's NO play like Snow Play!

http://img247.imageshack.us/img247/4140/snowscrew7874695fs5.jpg

http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/376/mastursnow7874720iw5.jpg

http://img68.imageshack.us/img68/8863/snow7874747dm6.jpg

http://img357.imageshack.us/img357/2440/img348169025db8.gif

 

[melody]

Dirty Little Johnny

Little Johnny was playing cricket with his mates one day on the
school oval when little Mary who was three years older called him over.
Mary asked ' Johnny do you know what a penis is?'
'Gee, I don't " said six year old Johnny "but I'll ask dad, he'll know"
That night Johnny waited for his dad to come home from work and after
dinner he went to his dad and asked " Daddy, what's a penis?"
His dad told him to come into the bathroom, pulled down his pants, grabbed
his old 'feller, tapped it on the sink and said" this Johnny, this is a
penis!"
Johnny thanked his dad and went to bed.

the next day Mary saw Johnny playing cricket and called him over again
and asked if he knew what a penis was yet.

Johnny took her to the boy's toilet, dropped his daks, grabbed his todger
and tapped it on a sink then stuck it in her face "This" he said, "This is
a cock! a penis is three inches shorter!

********

An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn't get up
to leave until the theater was ready to close for the night. "You folks
must've enjoyed the show," the usher said.
"Disgusting," said the old lady. "It was revolting," her husband added.
"Then why did you sit through it twice?" the usher asks.
"We had to wait until you turned up the house lights," the old lady
replied. "We couldn't find my panties, and his teeth were in them!"

=====

A man goes to a $10 hooker and a few days
later discovers he has crabs. He goes
back to the hooker to complain. She
asks, "What do you expect for $10? Lobster?"

 

[melody]

Men's Thoughts During Sex

Kissing/Light Petting
What he hopes you're thinking: "Oh, I can't resist: I'm powerless before your seductive ways!"
What he's afraid you're thinking: "Garlic breath--ewwww!"

Undressing
What he hopes you're thinking: "My God, look at the SIZE of that!"
What he's afraid you're thinking: "My God, look at the size of that!"

Foreplay/Oral Sex
What he hopes you're thinking: "I could worship at the alter of your impressive manhood for hours."
What he's afraid you're thinking: "If he doesn't warn me before he cums, I'm going to kill him."

Penetration
What he hopes you're thinking: "You stallion, you're splitting me in half!"
What he's afraid you're thinking: "Is it in yet?"

Your Orgasm
What he hopes you're thinking: "Yes, (his name here), yes!"
What he's afraid you're thinking: "I deserve an Academy A ward for this performance."
What he's even more afraid you're thinking: "Yes, (other guy's name here), yes!"

Postcoital Bliss
What he hopes you're thinking: "Now I know what an earthquake feels like."
What he's afraid you're thinking: "Maybe I should let my lesbian friend Sue take me to that females-only dance club after all."

********

Little Johnny came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigormortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why is his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

 

[melody]

Nasty Female Bashing

Q: What do you tell to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, she has been told twice already.

Q: What is the first thing a woman does when she gets out of a
battered wives shelter?
A: The dishes if she knows what is good for her.

Q: What do 54,000 battered women have in common each year?
A: They don't fucking listen.

Q: What is so great about anal sex?
A: It is warm, tight, and more degrading to women.

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt
once in a while too.

Q: How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A. Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.

Q. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A. It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.

Q. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A. When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

Q. How do you fix a woman's watch?
A. You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Q. Why do men fart more than women?
A. Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

Q. Why do women have orgasms?
A. It gives them another reason to moan.

Q: How do you get your wife to scream while you are having an orgasm?
A: Call her and tell her where you are.

Q: Why don't women have brains?
A: They don't have a cock to keep them in!

********

A recent survey asked 100 sexually active women if their twat twitched after sex. 98% replied "No, he just rolls over and goes to sleep."

Why do women have legs?
You`ve seen the mess snails make

The three most amazing things about women are:
1 They can give milk without eating grass.
2 They can bleed for a week and not die.
3 They can bury a bone and not get their noses dirty.

Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A. So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.

They found a cure for mad cow disease:
A box of chocolate and a dozen roses

Q. Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
A. Because women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
A. Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

 

[melody]

ORAL SEX - AN ODE TO LOVE

Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee


It's times like this, you wonder why
You bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees


You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl


Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
Your jaw it aches, your neck is numb

So when the fuck's he gonna cum?


Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat


Salty, fishy, sticky stuff
Okay already, that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what revenge, you're on the rag.

 

[melody]

Top Ten Signs Your Spouse May Be Having An On-Line Affair

10. Lately she sits at the computer naked.

9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette.

8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.

7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.

6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand.

5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your "software".

4. Lipstick on the mouse.

3. During sex, she screams "A colon backslash enter insert!"

2. The fax file is filled with pictures of someone's butt.

1. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear.

********

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.

What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
"Have another beer."

What is so good about being a toilet seat?
You get a lot of ass!

What is a FACT?
A Fact is a bit of grizzle That separates the Muck Hole from the
Fuck Hole, One slip and your in the Shit and that's a Fact

 

[melody]

Disorder In Court

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by
court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent -- don't miss the last one.
________________________________________
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
________________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_____________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've not forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when
he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
_____________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo
or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
_____________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep
, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
_____________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
_____________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
____________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
____________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
____________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height
and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
_____________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
_____________________________________
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?
A: Oral.
_____________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was
dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy.
____________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
____________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

 

[melody]

The Morning After ...

I finally woke up that morning
Light was streaming, dawn was dawning.

My head and tongue a fuzzy mess
And on the floor there lay a dress.

So, gingerly, I felt across
The bed. I wondered, at a loss.

Of course - the party - too much beer
I can't remember getting here.

Between my legs I was aware
A nice erection standing there.

I'd better try and have a look
At who I hadn't meant to hook.

I turn to face the dress's owner,
Tight grip on my morning boner.

I prayed that in my drunken stagger
I hadn't bagged a true two-bagger*

Thank God, I thought, she's not a slag
No need to wear a paper bag.

A big girl though, there was no doubt.
Her folds of skin went in and out

And out and in and out and in
You'd never ever call her thin.

But I'm no image of perfection
And anyway - there's my erection.

So there she lay, within my reach,
More ripples than a sandy beach.

I shook her shoulder and woke 'er
Needing her conscious to poke 'er

She stretched, she yawned, she smiled at me
My red-hot cock pressed to her knee.

She glanced down, giggled and she spoke
"I can't eat that 'coz I might choke!

Hang ten, big boy, as you're willing,
I have a hole in need of filling."

I didn't need a little "please?"
Without delay I'm on my knees.

She kneels before me on the bed,
Her ass a foot above her head.

And as I gaze, inside my mind
I see a rhino from behind.

But when I grip on to her hide
I know I have to slip inside

I give my cock a mighty thrust
Into the object of my lust.

I knew I'd take her breath away
But hadn't guessed what she would say -

"You've got it wrong you fucking clown -
You should be fucking one hole down!"

Christ, I hadn't meant to hit her
Unfair and squarely in the shitter.

Although it slid in well before
Ouch - not so easy to withdraw!

But pretty soon I got it right
The other tube not quite so tight.

Her fat ass wobbled, I was brave
And clinging on I rode the wave.

She grunted, gasped and begged for more
I thrusted, slammed, called her a whore

I slapped her ass 'til it turned pink -
Her pussy got a milky drink.

I couldn't leave her up like that
I flipped her over, ate her cat.

Well, let's just say that in the end,
I made myself a fucking friend.

 

[melody]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when an attractive blonde neighbor came out of her house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angered, she again stormed back in her house.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out yet again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked, "Is something wrong?" "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying "You've Got Mail."

 

[melody]

Blonde Moments

Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror. "This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."

~~~~~~~~

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"
A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?
There was a blonde who was taking her kids to Disney Land. When they were about half way there, the blonde saw a sign that said "Disney Land Left," so the blonde turned back around and went home.

~~~~~~~

There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders." The blonde then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"

~~~~~~~

A blonde executive was driving by a field one day when she saw a blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a dirtfield. She drove over to her and said, "It's idiots like you that give blondes a bad name, and if I could swim I would come over there and kick your ass!"
Three women are sitting in a doctors office waiting for their pregnancy test results. The Brunette says, "If I'm pregnant it will be a girl because I was on the bottom." The red head replies,"If I'm pregnant I will have a boy because I was on top." The Blonde stops, thinks a minute and and says, "Then I'm gonna have puppies !"

~~~~~~~~

A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."

The cashier leaned over the counter and said:

"Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg"

~~~~~~~~

What's the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
- A rooster says cock-le-dood-le-doo...
- A blonde says any-cock-le-doo...

~~~~~~~~

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they just couldn't! The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath. The other blonde said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

 

[melody]

Ode To Big Boobs

I love to suck a great big tit
Inch by inch, bit by bit

I love to see her big breasts bare
They make my cum fly through the air!!

Oh goodness gracious! what big boobs!
They make my cum spurt out in goobs

Their great to lick and suck, not to mention titty-fuck!!

They say that having such big boobs
Are really just a waste
But it takes more than just a mouthful
To get the greatest taste!!

*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~»

Q: Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A: So men can be open minded.

Q: What's the definition of oral sex?
A: The taste of things to come.

What do you call a gay Irishman?
A gay-lick

Q: What are the bumps for around a woman's nipples?
A: It's Braille for "Suck here"!

Q: What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?
A: A pussy is soft , warm and delightful and it's owned by a cunt.

Q: What's the difference between a 69 and being mugged?
A: With a 69 at least you see the cunt creeping up on you.

Q: What's green and melts in your mouth.
A: A leper's cock!

*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~»

Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were approaching two tampons. Before the pads and tampons reached each other, one pad said to the other,
"Should we say hi to those 2 tampons?"
The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up cunts."

*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~»

Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed,
Little Bo Peep was giving him head,
As soon as he came she started to weep,
She knew by the taste he'd been fucking her sheep.

*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~»

A lesbian goes to a gynecologist and the gynecologist says "I must say, this is the cleanest pussy I've seen in ages."

"Thanks," said the lesbian. "I have a woman in 4 times a week."

*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~»

Husband wakes at 5 in the morning feeling realy horny, He nudges his wife and says,"honey give me a blow job." His wife says, "sweetheart im tired, just have a wank in a glass and ill drink it in the morning."

*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~»

There once was a girl from Shrilanka
Whose cunt was as big as a tanker
You could go for a swim
In the depths of her quim
And you needed a lamppost to wank her

 

[melody]

~ ADOLESCENCE ~

When a lad forsakes his bosom buddy for a bosomed buddy

Q ~ How do you protect yourself from fallout?
A ~ Put it back in and take shorter strokes.

Did you hear about he new athletic shoe for lesbians?
They are called "Dikees"
They come with an extra long tongue
and you can get them off with one finger!


Greeting Cards that should have been!

You scored! What great luck!
Isn't it great that she loves to fuck?
She forgot to mention she has an STD
And now it dribbles when you pee.
Get well soon!


Grooooaner
Did you hear about the Kotex kid?
She robs banks and always gets away on her menstural cycle.

 

[melody]

http://img357.imageshack.us/img357/7688/freddy25540876af9.jpg

One day Pebbles Flintstone was in bed with Fred and Wilma.
They were both naked. Pebbles sees Fred's penis and says,
"Daddy, what's that?" and Fred says "Th ... that's um ... that's daddy's rock."
A little while later Pebbles looks down and sees Wilma's vagina.
"What's that, mommy?" she asks. "Oh that ... that's mommy's rock grinder."
All of a sudden Pebbles sits up and says,
"I get it! Daddy puts his rock into mommy's rock grinder and out comes pebbles!"