Jokes Archieve - Text Based

[melody]

Boy & Girl


Boy & Girl in restaurant
Boy :- I Love u
Girl :- I don't Love u
Boy :- Think again?
Girl :- I told u. No no & no
Boy :- Waiter, bring separate bills.




Girl :- ok ok....... I Love u too......... . !​

 

[melody]

Special Mail......



http://img502.imageshack.us/img502/2928/biigatesxb3.png

 

[7Heaven]

wahaha "gam dou tak"

 

[melody]

all because of hearing into
DIFFERENT LANGUAGE



Root of problem: The chinese name - Annie Wan (Anyone)


Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)


Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.


Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!


Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?


Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.


Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?


Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan
is being sent to the hospital. Right now. A very Wan is on his way to the hospital.


Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!


Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?


Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)


Caller: Yes! You should be srry. Now give me your name!!

 

[7Heaven]

haha pity little neol wan and saw lee kakaka.....

 

[QuickRide]

One day, 3 friends were talking on the plane.. An american, an indian and a malaysian..

The american took out a cigar and lit it. He took a puff and threw the cigar down from the plane. The indian and malaysian asked, "why did you do that?"

The american replied, "In my country we don't have too much of anything, but we have way too much cigars"

Then the indian took out his perfume and sprayed once on himself and threw the perfume out from the plane. The american and malaysian asked, "Why did you do that?"

The indian replied,"In my country we do not have too much of anything, but we have way too much perfume."

Seeing this, the Malaysian grabbed Ali and threw him down the plane. The american and indian asked, "Why did you do that?"

The Malaysian replied, In my country we do not have too much of anything, but we have too much Malays"

o.O

 

[sakuraguy]

Wow .. im so proud this thread is moving fantastic, and serving more views. Thnx guys !!!

 

[7Heaven]

http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p277/SuperNeova/ATT01657.jpg

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[melody]

Everybody talks about Email


Everybody receives Email

Everybody sends Email

Everybody changes Email

But to tell you the truth, nobody ever met Email.

Now with complete exclusivity, ladies and gentleman

I present to you.... Email !




http://img256.imageshack.us/img256/3516/image001tc9.gif


http://img256.imageshack.us/img256/3516/image001tc9.gif



http://img256.imageshack.us/img256/3516/image001tc9.gif




http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/3338/image002ea1.jpg

 

[melody]

IF IRAQ WON THE WAR...hehe

http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/4075/j1qh7.png

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http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/7543/j3uy2.png

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http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/9479/j5uc7.png

http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/3109/j6se5.png

 

[melody]

C I R C U L A R​

The Management is pleased to announce Bonus at Eid to all staff members. To see your share in Bonus, please scroll down

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http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/7614/bonuscd7.png​

 

[7Heaven]

wahahaha!!!! McHammad's.... scary la if really happen hahaha......

 

[melody]

no worries..
it won't happen..
hehe..
i just lurve McD..
especially ice cream & sundae..
yuM yuM..

 

[melody]

Its all about Wives



My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

************

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

************

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong .

************

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."

I asked her, "Where's the car?"

She replied, "In the lake."

************

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

************

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

************

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.

So I got myself two girlfriends.

************

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

************

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

************

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: "You can have mine."

************ *

It's not true that married men live longer than single men.

It only seems longer.

************ *

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

************ *

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he
wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.

The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars
and beat me till I'm half dead."

************ **

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once .

************ **

 

[melody]

Confusing English??


1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

8. Why is it called building when it is already built?

9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?

11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Humans ???

13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???

 

[melody]

Never translate IT terms to the Malay Language


Why Dr. Mahathir insists on using English for math and science. Because globally people use the language as information and/or technology language at this moment. How dangerous it is if we were to use these words in Bahasa, especially in schools. See example below.

hardware = barangkeras
software = baranglembut
joystick = batang gembira
plug and play = cucuk dan main
port = lubang
server = pelayan
client = pelanggan
Try to translate this:

ENGLISH :
"That server gives a plug and play service to the clients using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client."

BAHASA :
"Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan."
Now You Know.... How terrible is it!!!!!

 

[sakuraguy]

Mel always make the day :)

 

[sh@rty 5]

Mel always make the day :)

Got to agree..But its better if post little by little..Scared she will run out of jokes...........

 

[melody]

no worries..
haha.. all jokes are fresh from the oven..

 

[melody]

Sardarji in Delhi


Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes".

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder ."

The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder ".