JeSt fOr LaUgHs...

[melody]

Rules And Instructions On Being A Man
(Part 2)

44. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your
actions.
45. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex,
semen, etc.
46. Lie.
47. Play with your food only if you are in a public place
with people you don't know.
48. Play with your penis only if you are in a public place
with people you don't know.
49. If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are
doing, DON'T STOP! This is the desired reaction.
50. You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without
virginity.
51. You are male, therefore you are superior.
52. Agenda for a typical evening: Get beer. Drink beer. Play
with yourself. Have sex. Drink more beer. Pass out.
53. Females do not care what you do to them as long as they
get to please you.
54. Don't ever notice anything.
55. If you're going out with someone but you love someone
else, don't say anything. Wait until the girl you are
going out with falls in love with YOU, and then tell
her.
56. Basic fundamental rule of ******: Quantity, not quality.
57. Basic fundamental rule of sex: Quantity IS quality.
58. Lie.
59. If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then
technically you've done nothing wrong.
60. Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what
do you have to cry about, anyway?
61. If the question begins with "why," the answer is "I
don't know."
62. Women are your napkins. Use them, and throw them away.
63. Remember, Every virgin girl is saving herself for YOU.
64. Don't ever let anyone say "I told you so." If you hear
this phrase and it didn't come out of your mouth, go
ballistic.
65. If your woman makes you go shopping with her, drive
around until a parking spot right near the door opens
up. If this takes hours, so be it. You will have the
coveted "door spot" and others will worship your skills.
66. Other peoples' pain is strictly for your amusement.
Laugh long, laugh loud, laugh heartily.
67. Lie.
68. If anyone asks you for a favor- a) make a big deal about
how hard it is for you to do it, b) remind them of this
huge favor you've done for them at least every 5 minutes
for the rest of their life.
69. 69
70. If you do something really mean to a girl, and she
doesn't want to talk to you, pretend nothing happened.
If she still doesn't talk to you, casually ask, "is
something wrong?"
71. Three words: Let's be friends. Translation: I never want
to speak to you again, but it's bad for my nice-guy
image if you are mad at me, so I'll pretend I want to be
your friend.
72. Lie.
73. If you're on a date, and there is a lull in the
conversation, tell the girl how many different dorms
you've been laid in.
74. Here's a good trick. Tell a girl that you're going to
leave for a few minutes and when you come back, you want
her naked, sprawled on the bed. Leave, and go into her
dad's room and tell him he should go check on his
daughter. Then drive like hell. (True story.)
75. If a girl breaks up with you because you're in love with
someone else, she has no right to be upset. Because, you
know, SHE's the one who wanted to end the relationship.
76. The best sex position is you, lying face up... and
twenty girls on top.
77. Default facial expression: blank stare.
78. Spend your spare time thinking of excuses and shove them
up your butt. Then, whenever you need a good excuse, you
can pull it out of your ass.
79. If you are asked to do something you REALLY DON'T want
to do, first try your manly best to get out of it. If
that doesn't work, go ahead and do what you were asked
to do, but complain that you don't know how to do it and
continuously ask questions on how to do each little
part. If no one rushes in to do it for you YET, finish
the job in the most half-assed way you possibly can and
then say, "SEE?? I TOLD you I couldn't do it."
Eventually, people will stop asking you to do things.
80. Do not listen to "pussy music" such as Erasure, Color Me
Badd, or Oldies.
81. Beer. Then more beer.
82. One word: FOOTBALL!
83. Real men beat up others who are inferior. I mean, we
don't want the inferior of the species to get to
reproduce ever, do we???
84. Discuss your pecs at every opportunity.
85. LIE.

 

[melody]

Dad will never say

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.

----------------

Fathers day jokes and one liners

Dad Wisdom: Growing old is inevitable; growing up is optional.
Dad Wisdom: Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to a tree!
Dad Wisdom: Sweater: a garment worn by a child when a mother feels chilly.
Dad Wisdom: Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Dad Wisdom: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Dad Wisdom: Half the people you know are below average.
Dad Wisdom: I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can’t be blamed on somebody else.
Dad Wisdom: I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Dad Wisdom: I finally got my head together and then my body fell apart.
Dad Wisdom: I never start something that I am not going to fi
Dad Wisdom: I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done already.
Dad Wisdom: Looking for a helping hand? There’s one on your arm.
Dad Wisdom: Love is grand. Divorce is 20 grand.
Dad Wisdom: Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Dad Wisdom: Old age comes at a bad time.
A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
You’re old when you don’t care where your wife goes, Just so you don’t have to go along.
Father’s Day brings out my paternal instincts. An hour of babysitting takes them away.
You can tell it’s almost Father’s Day. The kids suddenly want to stop at all the garage sales.
Want to really surprise your dad on Father’s Day? Ask him for advice.
Want to really surprise your dad on Father’s Day? Clean out the garage for him.
Want to really surprise your dad on Father’s Day? Tell him you love him a whole hardware-store-full.
Want to really surprise your dad on Father’s Day? Ask him to autograph a baseball.
Dad’s still say: Because I said so.
Dad’s still say: Go ask your mother.
Dad’s still say: Don’t make me stop this car!
Dad’s still say: Were you raised in a barn?
Dad’s still say: You don’t know what hardwork is.
Dad’s still say: It builds character.
Dad’s still say: Money doesn’t grow on trees.
Dad’s still say: A little bit of dirt never killed anyone.
Dad’s still say: When I was your age…
Dad’s still say: Your grounded till you’re 30!
Show your dad you really appreciate all the things he’s done. Lend him the keys to your car.
The perfect Father’s Day gift? Take Mom on vacation with you.
I know what I’m getting for Father’s Day. Last night my daughter asked me what size aftershave I wear.
My dad’s not real affectionate. The last time he hugged me I think it was called a “half-Nelson.”
Father’s Day always worries me. I’m afraid I’ll get a gift I can’t afford.
Nowadays, Father’s Day is a good day to thank Dad for not running away from home.
My son wants 50% of my Father’s Day gifts. He says, if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be a father.
Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: I’m lost. Let’s stop & get directions.
Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO WILD!!
Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: Mom & I are going away for the weekend. Would you like to throw a party?
Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.
Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: No. I have no idea what’s wrong with your car.
Things you’ll never hear a Dad say: You don’t need a job! I have plenty of money for you to spend.
In 1900, a father’s horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it’s the size of his minivan.

 

[melody]

Blonde Moments

ASTROLOGY

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other:" Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says: "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......?????

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDES ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

IN PAIN

A brunette goes to see her doctor: "Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me but I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" said the Doc. "Well, if I touch my shoulder here, it hurts, and if I touch my leg here, it hurts, and if I touch my head here, it hurts, and if I touch my foot here, it hurts." "Tell me," said the Doctor, "Do you dye your hair?" "Yes," she said "I'm really a blonde." "I thought as much, you've broken your finger."

TRACKS

There were two blondes walking in the woods. As they were
walking one of them noticed some tracks on the ground. One
stops the other one and says "Look deer tracks." The other
goes "Those are not deer tracks those are bear tracks." So
they fight about what they are and are not, and the next day
the paper head lines read "Two Blondes Killed By Train".

New Heights

Height of patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs apart
under a banana tree.

Height of frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls.

Height of Innocence: A teenager girl applying Clearasil to her
nipples.

Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs in the hole of the prostitute.

Height of laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an
earthquake to do the rest.

Height of Competition: A guy peeing beside a waterfall.

Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw.

Height of Disgust: While wiping after a good toilet dump,
your finger pokes through the paper.

Height of Technology: Condom with zip.

Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff
and his ass itching.



Q: Have you heard about the uncircumcised troll?
A: His name was Rumpled Foreskin

Q. Why don't men know the meaning of fear?
A. They only know one four-letter word beginning with F.

Q. Why does a dog lick his ass?
A. Because he knows he will be licking your face in about 5 minutes.

Q. What's a clitoris?
A. A female hood ornament.

Q: What Do You Call A Woman Who Can Suck A Golf Ball
Through A 20 Ft. Garden Hose?
A: `Darling', `Sweetheart', `Precious', Whatever It
Takes.

Q: How do you get a woman off during sex?
A: Push her.

Q: Why don't Mexicans like blow jobs?
A: Mexicans don't like any kind of job.

 

[melody]

Male Bashing
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women
(...And What They Mean)

I think of you as a brother.
You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance."

There's a slight difference in our ages.
I don't want to do my dad

I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.

My life is too complicated right now.
I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.

I've got a boyfriend
I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.

I don't date men where I work.
I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.

It's not you, it's me.
It's you.

I'm concentrating on my career.
Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than ****** you.

I'm celibate.
I've sworn off only the men like you.

Let's be friends.
I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.

 

[melody]

What Women Should Know About Men

~If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming to high.

~Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

~The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you've got sick of him.

~Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

~A woman's work that is never done, is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

~If you want a nice man go for a bald one - they try harder.

~Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

~There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop" (but not used together).

~Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

~Definition of a man with manners - he gets out of the bath to pee.

~Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

~Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men:
- a woman.

~There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -- strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong but you could still use them!

~Men are like animals - messy, insensitive and potentially violent but they make great pets!

~Men's brains are like the prison system - not enough cells per man.

~Husbands are like children - they're fine if they're someone else's.

 

[melody]

A Farmer And His Wife

The farmer's wife walked into the barn one day and was aghast at what
she saw in there. Instead of milking their cow, her husband was
standing with his trousers down at the rear quarter of the bovine and
humping away at it like a mink.

Angrily she yelled at him, "That's the most depraved and disgusting
thing I've ever seen in my life! I'm going to tell everyone in the
community that you were having sex with the cow!"

The farmer, meanwhile, had finished up his task and was slowly
pulling his trousers back up when he looked at his spouse and calmly
replied, "Very well. You tell everyone I had sex with the cow and
I'll tell everyone that it's because the cow is better than you!"

-----

When Tom's wife came home Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen and
living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and Tom
on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch football all
day, she yelled, "Watch yourself, mister, or you're going to make me do
something I don't want to do!"

"Wow," Tom thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a blowjob out of
this!"*

-----

The third-grade teacher was teaching
English and repeated for her class:
"Mary had a little lamb,
whose fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went,
the lamb was sure to go."

She explained this was an example of
poetry, but could be changed to prose
by changing the last line from "the
lamb was sure to go" to "the lamb
went with her."

A few days later, she asked for an
example of poetry or prose. Johnny
raised his hand and said,

"Mary had a little pig --
An scrawny little runt.
He stuck his nose in Mary's Clothes
And smelled her little . . ."

He stopped, turned to the teacher, and
asked, "Do you want poetry or prose?"

"Prose!" the teacher said weakly.

So Johnny said, " . . . Asshole."

 

[melody]

The Best Treatment

Three young men went to the local whorehouse and asked the madam for
the best treatment the house had to offer. She told them, "We have three
high class deals. One for $100, one for $200, and one for $300."
The first guy couldn't wait to see what he would get for his $100, so
he plunked the money down and went off to a room. His friends overheard
his squeals of ecstasy. He came out later with a big smile on his face and
explained to his two friends that for $100 he got the most beautiful girl
he had ever seen. She had put two pineapple rings around his penis and
eaten them off, slowly.
The second guy hastily forked over $200 and walked rapidly into a
room. He likewise made groans and moans of pleasure loud enough for his
pals to hear. When he came out he explained that he, too, had had the
most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She had also put two pineapple
rings around his penis, but in his case added a mountain of whipped cream
before she ate them off, slowly.
By this time the third guy was beside himself. He dropped his wallet
in his haste to get out his $300, and literally sprinted into a room for
his turn. As before, the two outside heard sounds of pleasure but this
halted suddenly with a blood-curdling scream. The guy came out of the room
doubled over and bleeding. "What went on?" asked on of his friends.
"Well, she was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She started
out by putting two pineapple rings on my penis, then whipped cream, nuts,
chocolate syrup and a cherry. I was so excited and it looked so good, I
ate it myself!"

******************

Little Johnny walked in on his parents as they were having sex one
night. "Mommy, Daddy! What are you doing?"
"Well, uh, I am bumping all the air out of your Daddy," Mom explained.
"What the fuck good will that do?" Johnny asked. "The lady next door
will just blow him back up, again."

 

[melody]

Wive's Gifts

A rich man and a poor man were discussing what they
gave their wives for their anniversary.

The rich man says, "I bought my wife a diamond necklace and a Mercedes
Benz."

Poor man asks, "Why did you buy her two gifts?" The rich man replies,
"Well, in case she doesn't like the diamond necklace, she can drive her
Mercedes Benz to take it back."

The poor man acknowledges the rich mans answer then proceeds to tell him
what he got his wife. "I got my wife a pair of flip flops and a dildo."

With a confused and intrigued look, the rich man asks, "Why did you
buy her those gifts?!" The poor man replies, "Well, in case she doesn't like
the flip flops, she can go fuck herself."

%%%%%

Little Johnny has just been toilet trained
And decides to use the big toilet like his daddy.
He pushes up the seat and balances his little
Penis on the rim. Just then the toilet seat slams down,
And little Johnny lets out a scream.
His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping
Round the room clutching his genitals and howling.
He looks up at her with his little tear stained
Face and sniffles, "K-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it better."
His mother shouts, "Don't start your father's shit with me!"

 

[melody]

Elevators

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are riding in an elevator
from the 14th floor to the lobby. The redhead notices a spot
on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a cum stain."
The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a
cum stain," she says. The blonde leans over and tastes the spot,
then says, "Well, it's nobody from this building."
%%%%%
John pays a visit to a gorgeous young prostitute.
After two hours of exhausting great sex he says:
'Now you won't see me for a while'.
The prostitute regrets to see a good customer leave and asks: 'Are you too busy next week to pay me a visit?'.
'No sweetie, that's not what I mean. Please turn around...'
%%%%%
Paula was in bed having sex with her husband's best friend when all
of a sudden the telephone rings and she answers. After hanging up she says,
"That was Adrian, but don't worry, he won't be home for awhile ...
He's playing cards with you."
%%%%%
Jeff and Rose had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening as they
were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, Jeff said,
"Before we go any further, Rose, tell me ~
Do you have any special fetishes that I should know of before we go to bed?"

"As a matter of fact," smiled Rose, "I do happen to have a foot fetish."
Then, looking down at Jeff's member, she added,
"but I suppose I could settle for seven or eight inches."

Pleasssse!

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss
each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an
air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and,
smiling, he says to her:

Him: "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"
Her: "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
Him: "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"
Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"
Her: "No, no. I just can't"
Him: "I beg you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's
little sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a
sleepy voice she says. "Mom says to go ahead and give him a blowjob.
Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, she can come down herself and
do it. But tell him to take his fuckin' hand off the intercom !!!!



"According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they
notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first
thing they notice about men are: they're a bunch of fucking liars."


AFRICAN PENIS

A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special
about an African bush tribe whose men all had
penises 24 inches long. When a male reaches a
certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on
the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight
stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting
out of the shower, his wife looked down at him
and said, "How about we try the African
string-and-weight procedure?" The husband
agreed and they tied a string and weight to his
penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband,
"How is our little tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're about half way there,"
he replied.

"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"

"No, it's turned black."

 

[melody]

Dear Wife, Dear Husband

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:

Dear Wife (that's what he called her): I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband (that's what she called him): I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy.

You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Turn off the lights when you go to bed and don't wait up, I'll be home very late.
~~~

An exhibitionist named Joe was preparing to board a flight to Atlanta.
As he approached the open door of the plane at the end of the jet way,
a very attractive flight attendant was collecting boarding passes.
As she reached down toward Joe for his boarding pass, he opened his
raincoat and exposed himself.

"I'm sorry sir" she said politely, "but you have to show your ticket, not
your stub."
~~~

There are two sides to every divorce:

Yours and shithead's.
~~~
When you buy pussy you're not paying for sex, you're paying her to get the fuck out afterward.
~~~

They say..."Love thy neighbor as thy self."
What am I supposed to do? Jerk him off too?

~~~

WHERE WOULD YOU BE IF:
YOU HAVE ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES
YOU HAVE NO WORRIES ...
YOU COME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU...
YOUR BATHWATER HAS BEEN RUN...
YOU HAVE THE PERFECT KIDS...
YOUR PARTNER IS AWAITING YOU WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES...
SO WHERE WOULD YOU BE...
IN THE WRONG F**KING HOUSE!!!!!!!!!

 

[melody]

Call 1-800-SAV-A-DIC!

"Woman chops off sleeping man's penis and drops from moving car!"
Don't laugh, it is true, and it can happen to you!!
Right now thousands of agitated, irate women have read
That headline and are contemplating similar action against you
The next time you make an unwanted sexual advance,
Look at them the wrong way, or just upset them in general!!

MEN PROTECT YOURSELVES NOW!!
If you found yourself a victim of CDS (Chop and Drop Syndrome)
Could you be sure the appropriate authorities would find your
Chopped member in time and intact?? Could you be sure the penis
Part they found was yours??

Inquire now about our low-cost PenisProtectionPlan! *

Plan 1: We'll register your penis and scrotum, plus tattoo them
With their own unique registration number, ensuring that in case
Of separation, you will get a perfect match every time.

Plan 2: Our Jurassic prick program. We'll take a cell sample from
Your penis and clone replacement parts for you in the event a
Trailer-tractor runs over your penis, or some wild animal mistakes
Your detached member for a chew toy.

Plan 3: For those of you who believe in prevention,
We offer a one size fits all, battery-operated, stainless steel
Jockstrap that can be worn when necessary. When you are asleep
An alarm will be activated when metal or other hazardous objects
Come within one foot of the jockstrap.
This will guarantee you a full nights sleep, free of worry.

Don't get caught short ...
Call 1-800-SAV-A-DIC today!!!!!

Remember ... The dick you save could be your own!!
PRICES VARY ACCORDING TO SIZE.

 

[melody]

Snappy Comeback Lines

"Did you take a bath?"
"Why, Is there one missing?"
"Are you chewing gum?"
"No, I'm John Smith."
"I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."
"Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"
"What are you going to be when you graduate?"
"An old man"
"I spent three years in college taking medicine."
"Are you well now?"
Do you say a prayer before you eat?"
"No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook."
"I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for
dinner."
"Who wants to eat friends?"
"We are having mother for dinner, darling."
"Make sure she's well done."
"I want some rat poison."
"Should I wrap it up or do you want to eat it right here?"
"It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear
and out the other."
"Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears."
"May I hold your hand?"
"No, thanks, It isn't heavy."
"Does water always come through the roof in this place?"
"No, sir, only when it rains."
"When will you straighten out the house, dear?"
"Why? Is it tilted?"
"Do these stairs take you to the second floor?"
"No, you'll have to walk"
"Now that you're married, you should have some insurance"
But why? My wife isn't dangerous."
I have changed! my mind."
Thank heaven! Does it work better now?"
Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?


This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife says, "Where are you going?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Are you sick?"
"No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on her coat.
He said, "Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."
He said, "Why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

 

[melody]

Naughty Funnies

The teacher asked Little Johnny, "Please name the elements."

"There's earth and there's air," began Little Johnny, "and there's fire
and...er... water... and---oh, yeah---fucking."

The teacher gasped,. "That is a filthy thing to say, Little Johnny, what
ever made you say that was one of the elements?"

"I overheard my mom telling one of her friends," answered Little Johnny,
"She said when my dad gets to fucking, he's really in his element."
--------------
The new stewardess was summoned to the office of the head of the
training program for a severe reprimand. "I heard about that episode on
your first flight, Miss Larson," said the director, glaring over the top
of her glasses.

"From now on, whenever a passenger feels faint, I'll thank you to push
his head down between his own legs!"
--------------
This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago
that I lost my dear wife and children. . . . . . . . .I'll never forget
that game of cards...
--------------
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years
before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked
about 10 feet behind their husbands.

She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked
several yards behind their wives.

She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous,"
said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal
of roles?"

Replied the Kuwaiti woman, "Land mines"
--------------
Q: What's the difference between a man and a hog?
A: A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night long,
just to fuck some pig.

"I was sexually abused as a child, first by my right hand, then by my
left"


ME & MY TRUE LOVE were having our DAILY romp in the hay when her MOM
walks in & caught us FLAT-FOOTED !!!! MOM didn't say a DAM WORD-----
(gist put her head in the manger & started eatin' hay !!!! )

 

[melody]

Pussy Types

1. Expensive Pussy
Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive Pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of good pussy falls into this category.

Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.

Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.

2. Cheap Pussy
Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap Pussy can be recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt, but shake it off.

Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.

Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can keep you from the tasks of finding other pussy, will eventually want to get married and/or have children soon thus ruining it. Often not worth it.

3. Hired Pussy
Found in the Hollywood area of Southern California and in every other large city in the US and abroad. Recognized by scanty clothes and come-hither looks. Expense varies greatly with the quality. The difference between Hired Pussy and Expensive Pussy is that the money is up-front.

Advantages: You don't have to stick around, won't tell your girlfriend, doesn't care who you are or what you look like, often very experienced, usually cheaper than Expensive Pussy.

Disadvantages: More expensive than Cheap Pussy in the long run, risk of disease is high, is illegal in most areas and the risk of jail time is high. Often not worth it.

4. Virgin Pussy
This type is getting rarer each day. Recognized by conservative clothes, good manners, and a marked distaste for dirty jokes and porno movies. Can be very loving if you promise marriage, but will cause you more problems as you go along. Frustration level is high as Virgin Pussy tends to want to stay that way for some unknown reason.

Advantages: Risk of disease is very low, will offer a very tight "fit" if it gives in, sometimes open to new experience, will often offer "other" services if Virginity is to be maintained.

Disadvantages: Usually will not give in until marriage, will cause discomfort upon use, not very imaginative, not usually into using birth control which can cause "accidents", can only be used once. Usually not worth it unless you're into that sort of thing.

5. Nympho Pussy
Very rare. Recognized by the tendency to drag you by your balls into bed and going at it to the point of exhaustion Very experienced, will teach you things you never knew. Expense varies depending on level of Nymphomania.

Advantages: Will send you into la-la land, will try anything once.

Disadvantages: You are probably not the only one, thus disease risk can be high, will tire you out and ask for more, can be unstable, will not give a steady relationship. Often not worth it.

6. Frigid Pussy
Less rare. See (4) for recognition. Difference is that this Pussy will not yield no matter what. Any expense involved is simply wasted (unless you are into real frustration).

Advantages: There are no advantages.

Disadvantages: Too many to list here. Best to stay away once recognized. Never worth it.

7. Innocent Nympho Pussy
Rare. Recognized by being in a small, sweet, innocent package which you would never in a million years think would give in, but when it does, you are in for a hell of a surprise. Often mistaken for (4). Expense varies, but usually falls into the cheaper category.

Advantages: The surprise is blissful. Always worth it. Keep it if you can.

Disadvantages: If (4) is mistaken for (7), serious consequences may result. May or may not be faithful.

8. Party Pussy
Found at bars and at parties. Recognized by glass of wine in hand and bloodshot eyes. Will engage in group festivities while completely ripped. Expense usually covers drinks. Make sure you are not ripped as to better enjoy the experience.

Advantages: Easy to obtain unless you are real unlucky. Be sure to say the right things.

Disadvantages: Disease risk is high, will not usually remain faithful, the Support System may tend to puke all over you. Often not worth it.

9. Nutsy Pussy
Support System has psychological problems. Recognized by the fact that she will go out with you, then spill her problems on you. May tend to kill you while you sleep. Gives in for no apparent reason.. Usually found as a quiet co-worker.

Advantages: Easy.
Disadvantages: Never really worth it.

 

[melody]

Sensuality

Lying still,
not allowed to move,
the ties
hold me captive.
Breathy moans
pass my lips,
quivering,
shivering.
Your tongue
and lips,
dancing
over my skin.
Sucking here,
nibbling there.
Licking here,
biting there.
Kissing here,
nipping there.
Teasing
Pleasing
Whimpers
turn to moans
and my body squirms.
You take me higher,
exploring the warmth
of my sweet flesh.
Nibble the ears,
nip the neck.
Sucking and chewing,
you mark me as yours.
Tongue gliding,
traveling.
Sucking my nipples,
teasing,
tonguing them,
to hardened peeks,
of inflamed desire.
Exploring my breasts,
your tongue travels
down,
down.
Licking my belly.
Tongue
circling my button.
Dipping inside.
I quiver,
wanting more.
Anticipating the path
your tongue is taking.
Breath hot,
tongue tracing,
full puffy outer lips.
Licking the moistness
tasting my juices.
Then
your tongue
licking,
darting,
teasing,
dancing,
over my clit.
Teeth nipping,
nibbling.
Tongue
stabbing,
thrusting,
probing,
seeking,
deep inside.
Moans
become screams,
as my passion builds.
I beg for release.
Yes,
cum,
cum for me sweet pet.
Cum for your Master.
You cry.
With a gush,
I cum.
Washing your face
with my sweet juices.
You drink deeply
of my gift.
Shivering,
shuddering,
trembling,
whimpering,
moaning,
slowly calming,
as you caress me down.
Kissing you
deep.
Tasting myself
upon your mouth.
Uhmmmmm,
so good.

~ Author unknown

&&&&&

Yo mama's so bald, when she braids her hair, it looks like stitches.

Yo mama's so bald, when she puts on a turtle neck she looks like a roll on deodorant.

Yo mama's so bald, when she goes to bed, her head slips off the pillow.

Yo mama's so bald headed, when she showers she gets brainwashed.

Yo mama's so bald, when she puts on a turtle neck she looks like a busted condom.

Yo mama's so bald, you could draw a line down the middle of her head and it would look like my ass.

Yo mama's so bald, I can read her mind.

Yo mama's so bald, I thought she was Mr. Clean.

Town Marathon

A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at
work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when she heard her
husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled to the boyfriend,
"Hurry!
Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband's home early!"

The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the
window! It's raining like hell out there!"

She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!"

So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he
began running down the street, he discovered he had run right in the middle
of a town marathon, so he started running along beside the others. Being
naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as
best he could.

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"

He answered, while gasping for air, "Oh, yes, it feels so free having
the air blow over your skin while you are running."

The other runner then asked the nude man, "Do you always run carrying
your clothes on your arm?"

The nude man answered breathlessly, "Oh, yes, that way I can get
dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

The runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

He replied "Only if it's raining."
A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with
a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This
is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!"

The scared bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!"

The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!"

The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot; I have a wife and
kids! I'll do whatever you say!"

The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and
says, Alright, now suck my cock!"

"Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!"

The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he
drops the gun.

The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to
the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it!" One of my friends might
walk in!"

---------- Post added at 05:16 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 11:28 AM ----------

First Date

A guy walks a woman to the door after there first date. He asks her if
she has had a good time.She tells him yes but that to get her really
horny she likes her men to be Rough, Tough & Selfish.

The next week the guy picks her up for there evening out dressed in a
bikers black leathers. He grabs her throws her on the back of his newly
rented Harley and away they go to the nearest bikers bar.

The whole evening is spent drinking and brawling with the bikers.
When they get back to her house, he drags her up to the bedroom.

He asks her "Well, was I Rough?"
"Yes" she purrs and rubs herself suggestively.

"and was I Tough?" he asks.
"Oh yes " she moans.

"Well them its time to be selfish". So saying he whips out his penis and
gives himself a handjob.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

A guy gets married but is a virgin and needs help with technique. He gets a
friend to tag along and rent a room that connects via the bathroom. He
figures he can pretend that nature called and go get advice at any time. As
soon as he and his wife get started, he becomes confused and rushes to the
bathroom. While he's in there, his new bride discovers that she needs to
take a dump badly. She finds a shoebox and squats down and takes care of
business.
As she finishes, he starts to come out so she turns out the lights and jumps
into bed. As he walks across the room, he steps in it and screams, "Oh man,
this box is full of shit!" His buddy yells out from the bathroom, "turn 'er
over Fred, turn 'er over".

 

[melody]

Timmy And Tommy

One day, a family of a mother and two boys, Timmy and Tommy, were riding in their car on the way to church. Timmy leaned over, smacked Tommy across the head, and Tommy yelled out "Ouch you fucking wanker!" later that day in church, the mom went to talk to the priest. she said "Father, my boys just won't stop swearing and I don't know what to do." the priest says "Well, have you tried smacking them?" she said "No, doesn't the church look down on that?" the priest says "Well, yes, but in some cases we'll make an exception." The next day, the two boys come down for breakfast and she asks Tommy what he wants for breakfast. Tommy says "Well, gimme some fucking waffles." The mom backhands Tommy so hard, he flies out of his chair and lands against the door. shocked and terrified by this, Timmy becomes very quiet. his mother asks him what he wants for breakfast, and his reply was "Well you can bet your sweet ass I don't want no fucking waffles!"
*******
Two lepers went fishing. One cast his arm in and the other laughed
his head off.

Q: What competitive disadvantage does a leper prostitute suffer?
A: She can only give head once.

Q: Why do Jewish American Princesses use tampax instead of sanitary napkins?
A: Because nothing gets to go in without a string attached.

Q: What do the Japanese call cunnilingus?
A: "Constluctive cliticism."

Q: Why can there never be any Mexican astronauts?
A: Because every time someone yells "Launch!" they go out and eat.

Q: How do you get a man to do sit ups?
A: Glue the TV remote between his ankles.

Q: How do you know when a man is a sadist?
A: When he fucks a woman all night with a four inch dick, and in the
morning kisses her goodbye with a nine inch tongue.

Q: What's the only bad thing about oral sex?
A: The view.

Etiquette For Men

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save his master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' car
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"
e. When his date is using her teeth

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes.
For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of
hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
Bitching about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge
is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present
for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddies
birthday is optional.

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event,
you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but
you may never ask who's playing.

It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by
a topless super model... and it's free.

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem.
You didn't see nothin'.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all
other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.

The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just
a friend" have had carnal drunken rampant sex, the fact
that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to do
it again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.


A guy goes inside the confessional and says:
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."

"What did you do, my son?"

"Yesterday I was walking along the beach at night,
and I decided to explore a cave near the shore. When
I turned on my flashlight, I saw two men having sex."

"Oh, so you were the asshole with the flashlight?

 

[melody]

The Best In WOMEN'S T-SHIRTS
Sayings (Part 1)

A hard-on doesn't count
as personal growth

A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a cash advance

A woman's favorite position is CEO

ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS,
AND I MARRIED THEIR KING

All stressed out and
no one to choke

Always remember you're unique...
Just like everyone else.

And your point is...?

Back off!
You're standing in my aura.

Better living through denial

Chaos, panic, & disorder,
my work here is done.

Coffee, Chocolate, Men...
Some Things Are Just Better Rich

Did the aliens forget
to remove your anal probe?

Did you eat a bowl of
stupid for breakfast?

Do I look like your therapist?

Do I look like a
freakin' people person?

Do I seem self-centered,
or is it just me?

Do not disturb!
I'm disturbed enough already.

Do NOT start with me!
You will NOT win!

Does your train of thought
have a caboose?

Don't interrupt me while
I'm talking with myself!

God Made Us Sisters,
Prozac Made Us Friends

Growing Old is Inevitable;
Growing Up is Optional

Guys have feelings, too.
But like... who cares?

Here I am! Now what are
your other two wishes?

How can I miss you
if you won't go away?

How many times do I have to flush
before you go away?

I can only please one person per day,
and today is not your day.
Tomorrow does not look good either.

I don't have a license to kill.
I have a learner's permit.

I don't know what makes you
dumb, but it really works

I don't suffer from stress,
I'm a carrier.

I hate everybody, and you're next!

I like cats, too.
Let's exchange recipes.

I pretend to work.
They pretend to pay me.

I refuse to star in your psychodrama.

I Used To Be Schizophrenic,
But We're OK Now

I wear the brains in the family.

I woke up on the wrong side of life.

If a man speaks in the middle of a forest
and there is no woman to hear him,
is he still wrong?

If a woman's place is in the home
WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS CAR!

If I got smart with you,
how would you know?

If I want to hear the pitter patter of
little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

If They Don't Have Chocolate
In Heaven, I Ain't Going

If we are what we eat,
I'm fast, cheap and easy.

If You Want Breakfast In Bed,
Sleep In the Kitchen

It ain't the size, it's...
no, it's the size.

I'm busy. You're ugly.
Have a nice day.

I'm in no shape to exercise.

I'm multitalented:
I can talk and annoy
you at the same time.

I'm not a bitch, I'm THE BITCH;
and it's MS. BITCH to you!

 

[melody]

In The Mood

A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."
She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care,
I don't care."
They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs
when the doorbell rings.
She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the mailman. Answer the door, and if
he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jelly sandwich."
He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth,
I was eating a jelly sandwich."
The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jelly on your
mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."


My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make
you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I
squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
=====
A guy goes to the optometrist. The Doctor tells him,
"You've got to stop masturbating!"
"Why Doc," he asked, "am I going blind?"
"No," the Doctor explained, "but you're upsetting the
other patients in the waiting room!"

 

[melody]

Phunny Shorties

3 Ducks Blowing Bubbles In The Pond

Man: What is your name?
1st duck: Heuy.
Man: What are you doing?
1st duck: Blowing bubbles in the pond.
Man: What is your name?
2nd duck: Louie.
Man: What are you doing?
2nd duck: Blowing bubbles in the pond.
Man: What is your name?
3rd duck: Dewey.
Man: What are you doing?
3rd duck: Blowing bubbles in the pond.
Man: And what is your name?
In response: Bubbles!

[\[\[\[\[\

There once was a girl named Straight
Whose pussy smelled like bait!
Whenever Jeff pounds her
The room reeks of flounder
Her twat, she needs to refrigerate

[\[\[\[\[\

What does a woman do with her arsehole while she is having a fuck?
She leaves him at home!
How do you make your wife scream after you have an orgasm?
Wipe your cock on the curtains!
What is the best way to brainwash your wife?
Stand her on an enema bag!

[\[\[\[\[\

One night a husband and wife were asleep in bed when the telephone suddenly rang.
The husband picked the phone up and said, "Hello? What? It's 2 am! What do you think I am, the fucking weatherman or something?" and slammed the phone down.
The wife looked over totally bewildered and asked, "Who was that?"
"I don't know," replied the husband, "It was just some stupid guy asking if the coast was clear!"

CARTOON CHARACTER JOKES

1) Mickey Mouse murdered Minnie Mouse after he discovered she was having an affair with another Walt Disney character. In court, the judge asked Mickey's barrister, "Why did he do it?"
"Mickey said to me that she was insane." replied the barrister.
"Insane?" replied Mickey, "I said she was fucking Goofy!"

2) Donald Duck walked into a chemist and asked for a packet of condoms.
"Certainly Sir," said the lady behind the counter, "shall I put them on your bill?"
"NO WAY!" replied Donald Duck, "What do you think I am a dickhead!"

3) What happened when Moses went to mount Olive?
Popeye beat the living crap out of him!

4) What do you call Woody Woodpecker if his beak fell off?
Woody Headbanger (Or a top cock sucker!)

5) What does Winnie the Pooh and Jack the ripper have in common?
The same middle name!

6) What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged!

7) What is the part of Popeye that never rusts?
His dick. Because he always puts it in Olive Oil!

8) What's Smurf sex?
Fucking until you are blue in the face!

9) What fruit has seven dents?
Snow White's cherry!

10) How did Captain Hook Die.
Jock itch!

11) What did the seven dwarfs say when the handsome Prince awoke Snow White?
"Well, I guess it's back to wanking guys!"

12) What's black and jumps up and down in a forest fire?
Winnie the Pooh!

13) What goes "Tweet, Tweet, Ping!"
Tweetie pie in a microwave oven!

14) "My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf!" said Little Red Riding Hood.
The wolf jumped up and ran away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he was crouched behind a tree stump.
"My, what big ears you have Mr Wolf!" said Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the wolf jumped up and ran away.
Some distance down the track, Little Red Riding Hood again encountered the wolf, this time crouched behind a road sign.
"My what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf!" taunted Little Red Riding Hood.
With that, the Big Bad Wolf jumped up and screamed, "Will you fuck off! I'm trying to take a shit!"

15) What do you have when you have one green ball in one hand and another green ball in the other?
Total control of the Incredible Hulk!

16) What did Pocahantas say to Pinnochio when she sat on his face?
"Tell the truth, tell a lie, tell the truth............!"

 

[melody]

Naughty Shorties

It ain't easy being a dick...
I've got a head I can't think with...
An eye I can't see out of...
...And... I have to hang around with nuts all the time!
My closest neighbor is an asshole.
Worst of all, my owner beats me all the time,
And my best friend is a pussy!
And now, because of AIDs I have to wear a Rubber Suit and throw up all over myself!!!

787878

She demanded I gave her affection
Then opened her thighs for inspection;
I found her quite nice
'Til I noticed the lice
And immediately lost my erection.
WHEN I was young and had no sense
I had a piss on an electric fence
It tickled me prick and shivered me balls
And made me shit me overalls!

787878

An Alabama redneck was sittin' on the sofa, with his half naked woman,
watching the news from San Francisco. "Jus' look at them
homo-sexshuals. They're ruining the country. with men marryin' men, and
women marryin' women. It's disgustin. Darlin', we oughta' go out there
and protest! Don't you think so?"
She replied, "Yes, Daddy."

787878

Two queers are sharing an apartment. One queer comes home to find the other one smearing Vaseline all over his chest.
"What are you doing?" the first queer asks.
The second queer replies that he read that putting Vaseline on your body promotes hair growth.
The first queer says, "If that was true, you would have a ponytail growing out of your ass by now."

Letter Of Resignation

Dear Sir,

This will confirm my fucking resignation with your fucked up company. I have accepted a lucrative position with a company where being a bitch is not a job prerequisite for managerial skills.

I am looking forward to my new position and the challenges that await me, unlike when I worked with you assholes.

My last day of work will be when you realize I came in late last night and cleaned out my desk, including all the supplies requested and received last week.

Hopefully, your dumb ass can figure out all the shit I've left undone for the new team, as well as the ongoing projects I never completed.

Once the company figures out that you don't know a damn thing, they will not only fire my replacement, but your ass as well.

Please feel free not to say a damn thing to me should you see me on the street, unless you want your ass kicked.

My experience with this fucking company has been very unrewarding. I was only rewarded by your secretary.
She is a good fucker. She screwed me on your desk when you were away.
She told me that you screwed her every time she appealed for salary increment.
She enjoyed sex with me but not with a corpse like you.
In short, you are not only a fucker but a poor fucker. Anyway, I appreciate having had the opportunity to use you as a stepping stone to a better future.

I wish you and the organization not a fucking thing, bitch-ass motherfuckers.
Yours sincerely,

NNNNN

An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8-year-old
girl's house.
One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he
can't resist taunting the girl.
He holds up the football and says,
"See this football? Football is a boys' game, and only boys can have
a football!"
The little girl runs into the house and cries to her
Mom, "I want a football!"
Being a woman of the 90's, her Mom runs
out and gets her one.
The next day the girl is waiting for the
little boy as he rides up on his bike, she holds up the football and
sings... "Nah Na Nah Nah".
The little boy angrily points to his bike
and says, "Oh yeah, well this is a boy's bike and only boys get
boys' bikes and you can't have one!"
She runs to her Mom and the
next day she waits for him on her new boy's bike.
The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to his most
private of parts says,
"Look, only boys have these and your mom
can't buy you one!"
The next day he walks by and says to her, "Well,
I guess I showed you!"
to which she promptly pulls up her dress,
points to her parts and proclaims "My Mom tells me that as long as I
have one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"