Retrieving The Gerbil
In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused
doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been
admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone
seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped
Raggot, our gerbil, in." he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out
`Armageddon' , my cue that he'd had enough.
I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered
into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
happened next.
"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and flame shot out the
tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski' s hair and severely burning his face. It
also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a
larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out
like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a
broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first
and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
Q. How did the john know how many times his favorite whore had gotten fucked that night?
A. He drank her douche and counted the lumps as they went down.
Q. What's the definition of gross?
A. Licking the sweat off your grandpa's back as you fuck him in the ass.
In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused
doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been
admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone
seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped
Raggot, our gerbil, in." he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out
`Armageddon' , my cue that he'd had enough.
I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered
into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
happened next.
"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and flame shot out the
tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski' s hair and severely burning his face. It
also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a
larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out
like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a
broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first
and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
Q. How did the john know how many times his favorite whore had gotten fucked that night?
A. He drank her douche and counted the lumps as they went down.
Q. What's the definition of gross?
A. Licking the sweat off your grandpa's back as you fuck him in the ass.