JeSt fOr LaUgHs...

The Great Aussie Love Poem

Of Course I Love Ya Darling You're A Bloody Top Notch Bird
And When I Say You're Gorgeous I Mean Every Single Word

So Ya Bum Is On The Big Side I Dont Mind A Bit Of Flab
It Means That When I'm Ready There's Somethin' There To Grab

So Your Belly Isn't Flat No More I Tell Ya, I Don't Care
So Long As When I Cuddle Ya I Can Get My Arms Round There

No Sheila Who Is Your Age Has Nice Round Perky Breasts
They Just Gave Into Gravity But I Know Ya Did Ya Best

I'm Tellin Ya The Truth Now I Never Tell Ya Lies
I Think It's Very Sexy That You've Got Dimples On Ya Thighs

I Swear Upon Me Nannas Grave The Moment That We Met
I Thought U Was As Good As I Was Ever Gonna Get

No Matter Wot U Look Like I'll Always Love Ya Dear
Now Shut Up While The Footys On And Get Me Bloody Beer!

_______

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me?"

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
 
Shorties

She said, "Give me eight inches and make me bleed!" So I fucked her four times with my 2 inch dick and punched her on the nose! Later she said, "Give me eight inches and make me moan!" So I fucked her four more times with my 2 inch dick and kicked her in the stomach! Later she said, "Give me eight inches and make my head explode!" So I fucked her four more times with my 2 inch dick and blew her fucking head off with a shotgun!
She didn't ask me for sex after that, but it's a lot better now!

=====

A worried young man from Stamboul,
Found lots of red spots on his tool,
Said the doctor a cynic, "Get out of my clinic!",
Just wipe off the lipstick you fool!"

=====

How are new girl friends like a fresh roll of toilet paper? Sometimes
it's hard to get the first piece, but after that you can rip one off
anytime.

=====

Excess is the part of breast that does not fit in your mouth and
surplus is the other breast.

=====

Description of a muff dive.
Starts out like butterfly sucking pollen and ends up like a bulldog
eating yogurt.
 
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation.

He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.

Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt?" she asks.

She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"


The once was a girl named Straight
Whose pussy smelled like bait!
Whenever Jeff pounds her
The room reeks of flounder
Her twat, she needs to refrigerate.


A blonde from Arkansas is going on her first overseas trip. She drives
all the way into Little Rock to apply for a passport. In the passport
office, the government official sees that she is visibly puzzled
filling her passport application.

The passport official looks over her shoulder and sees the blonde
trying to write 'twice a week' into the small space labeled 'SEX'.

The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this
question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'."
"Doesn't matter," the blonde answers.
 
Whore House

There was a boy who had to walk by a whore house everyday on his way
home from school. Each day he would be so shy that as he walked by the
house, he would keep his head down. One day the boy got the courage to
look up and was shocked to see three prostitutes sitting on the front
porch with their legs spread open wide and no underwear on. The boy got

a good look and he just stared and stared.
One prostitute spoke up, "What's wrong boy?
Haven't you ever seen one before?
You came out of one didn't ya?"
To which the boy replied, "Yeah, but I've never seen one big enough
that I could crawl back into before!".
________

A man walked into his office and told his male co-workers that his wife
had given him an ultimatum: until he quit smoking, he wasn't going to
get any sex.
They asked him, "How long do you think you'll be able to hold out?"
"Until my girlfriend dies or I get arthritis of the wrist."
________

Q: How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?
A: Easy...You call them up and tell them you can't come.

Q: Did you hear about the new high school course?
A: Intercourse ... you go between periods and you are expected to come.

Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.

Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.

What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
Pick them up off the floor.
 
House Of Ill Repute

One time when I was visiting Toronto I asked a chap where I could find a good house of ill repute. He gave me an address and said to ask for Sally.

I went to the address and requested Sally. She took me to a room, stripped down and said, "Go ahead, but let me know how it is."

After a few minutes I said, "It's not bad but a bit loose."

She said, "Get off for a moment."

I did that and she reached down and fiddled about with her privates.

"Try it now." she said.

I did and found it better but still a bit loose, so I told her so. She repeated her actions and when I tried it again it was perfect.

When we were finished and I was paying her I asked, "How do you manage to adjust it's size to fit anyone?"

"Well," she said, "I've been in this business for some time and have developed warts on one side and wormholes on the other. I just button them up."
_______

There once was a lady from France,
Who took a long train ride by chance,
The engineer fucked her, Before the Conductor,
Whilst the fireman came in his pants.
 
The Fart Chart

1.. AMBITIOUS : Always ready for a fart

2.. AMIABLE : Likes to smell others' farts

3.. ANTI-SOCIAL : Excuses himself and farts in private

4.. AQUATIC : Farts in bath, then breaks bubbles with toes

5.. ATHLETIC : Jumps in the air, farts 3 times, and kicks his heels 3 times

6.. BEWILDERED : Can't tell his own fart from others

7.. BIG BULLY : Farts louder than others

8.. CARELESS : Farts in church

9.. CHILDISH : Farts and then giggles

10.. CLEVER : Farts and coughs at the same time

11.. CONCEITED : Thinks he can fart the loudest

12.. CONFUSED : Face is so much like an ass, fart can't tell which way to go

13.. CUTE : Smells your farts and then tells you what you were eating

14.. DAMNED MEAN : Farts and then pulls the covers over his wife's head

15.. DISHONEST : Farts and then blames the dog

16.. DISAPPOINTED : Fart doesn't smell

17.. DUMB : Enjoys other farts, thinks they are his own

18.. ENVIRONMENTALIST : Farts regularly but is concerned about the pollution

19.. FOOLISH : Suppresses a fart for hours

20.. FRESH GUY : Jumps in front of you and then farts

21.. GROUCH : Grumbles when ladies fart

22.. HONEST : Admits he farted but offers a good medical reason

23.. IMPUDENT : Farts out aloud and then laughs

24.. LAZY : Just fizzles

25.. MASOCHIST : Farts in the bath tub and tries to bite the bubbles

26.. MISERABLE : Can't fart at all

27.. MUSICAL : Tenor or Bass, Clear as a bell, smells like shit
and sounds like hell

28.. NERVOUS : Stops in the middle of a fart

29.. PROUD : Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant

30.. SADIST : Farts in bed, then fluffs the covers

31.. SCIENTIFIC : Bottles his farts

32.. SENSITIVE : Farts and then starts crying

33.. SHY : Blushes when he farts silently

34.. SLOB : Farts and stains his underwear

35.. SMART ALEC : Farts when ladies are present

36.. SNEAKY : Farts and blames it on the dog

37.. STINGY : Belches to save his ass-hole

38.. STRATEGIC : Conceals his fart by loud laughter

39.. THRIFTY : One who always has farts in reserve

40.. TIMID : Jumps when he farts

41.. UNFORTUNATE : Tries to fart but shits himself

42.. VAIN PERSON : One who loves the smell of his own fart

43.. WHIMPY : Farts at the slightest exertion

44.. WISE GUY : Farts and asks who shit
 
We know cunnilingus is grand,
But what I cannot understand,
Who was the first guy,
To give it a try...?
I think we should give him a hand!
_____________________________

There was an old Irish mick
whose cum was exceedingly thick
He could squeeze it out
And spray it about
But it stuck to the end of his dick.
_____________________________

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
So Jack could lick Jill's fanny.
Jack got a shock
And a mouthful of cock,
'Cause Jill's a fucking tranny!
_____________________________

There was a young student called Jones,
Who'd reduce any maiden to moans,
By his wonderful knowledge,
Acquired in college,
Of nineteen erogenous zones.
_____________________________
There was a young fellow of Harold
Whose john was the size of a marrow.
He said to his tart,
"How's this for a start?
My balls are outside in a barrel."
_____________________________

There was a young fool name of Raines,
To get laid, he'd go to great pains,
Never a genius,
He thought with his penis,
But his prick was as dumb as his brains.
_____________________________

There was a young fellow named Sweeney,
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch,
Had a catch that would latch;
She could only be screwed by Houdini.
 
Roping

One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was
a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience.
After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down ...
the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.
The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?"
The husband, a bit flustered, answers,
"Why can't you see?
Them cows, they're roping!"
She replies, "Oh, I see!"
After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex.
Again the bride asks, "What are them horses doing honey?"
The husband answers again, "Them horses, they're roping!"
She replies, "Oh, I see!"
Finally they arrive at their hotel.
The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed.
When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other's bodies.
Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis.
"Oh my!" she cries: "What is that?"
"Well, darlin'," he says, "That's ma'rope!"
She slides her hands down further and gasps, "Oh my goodness!
What are those?" she asks.
"Honey, those're my knots!" he answers.
Finally the couple begins to make love.
After several minutes the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute!"
Her husband, panting a little, asks:
"What's the matter honey, am I hurting you?"
"No," the bride replies, "undo them damn knots, I need more rope!"
_=_=_=_=_=_
Why do blondes whistle in the shower?
So they know which lips to wash.
_=_=_=_=_=_
Definition of bravery
True bravery is arriving home late after a boy's night out, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask - "
Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?"
 
Old Lady And The Doctor

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent.

The doctor says, I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.

The next week the lady goes back. Doctor, she says, I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts although still silent stink terribly.

The doctor says, Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.

=======

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they were still very clearly in love.
While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names.
The old man hung his head. I have to tell you the truth, he said. I forgot her name about ten years ago.
 
Two Elderly Ladies

Two elderly ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

The lady asked, "What's that?"

"A condom," the other lady responded. "This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

"Where did you get it?" the other lady asked.

"You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day, the first lady hobbled herself down to the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

"It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

====

A lawyer had just hired a new secretary. His secretary walks in with some papers and noticed that his fly was open. She tells him, "Hey, the barracks door is open." He didn't understand what she was talking about, and then he happened to look down and see that his zipper was open. Later, his secretary walks in and he says to her, "By the way, when you noticed that the barracks door was open, did you happen to see a soldier standing there?" she replies simply but nicely, "No, all I saw was an old veteran sitting on two saddle bags."
 
A Blind Man

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something
was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no
response from his pilot. The blind guy then found the radio and started
calling the tower.

"Help! Help!" The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?"
The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is
dead, and we're flying upside down!" The tower comes back and asked,
"How do you know you're upside down?"
"Because the shit is running down my back!"

===

Little Red Riding Hood was talking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother, when suddenly a wolf jumped out from behind a tree.

"Ah-ha!" the wolf said, "Now I've got you. And I'm going to eat you!"

"Eat! Eat! Eat!" Little Red Riding Hood said angrily.

"Damn it! Doesn't anybody fuck anymore?"

===

Why don't men go through menopause?
They never left puberty.

Why do men exist?
Who else is going to mow the lawn.
 
Hodge-Podge Of Jokes

There once was a man named Mort
Whose dick was incredibly short
He climbed into bed
And his lady friend said,
"That's not a dick, it's a wart.

Q: Why is sperm white and piss yellow?
A: So you know if you're cumming or going

Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn?
She woke up with a kernel between her legs.

A soldier known only as Sarge
Had sex with a hooker named Marge
Though only a grunt
He assaulted her cunt
And gave her a hon'rable discharge.


That outfit you are wearing is very becoming on you. But if you
wore me I'd be cumming on you too.
A Survey was conducted as to why men like blow jobs:
10% liked the feeling
12% liked the dominance
78% liked the fucking silence


Q: What is the difference between a sheep and a door?
A: You can't bang a door in the middle of a field

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
Bad Golfer: "Whack!" "Fuck!"
Bad Skydiver: "Fuck!!" "Whack!!"


Q: Did you hear about the new combination of Viagra and Doan's pills?
A: It's so the back won't peter out and the peter won't back out.

What is the worlds smallest funeral home?
A woman's pussy, you can only get one stiff in at a time.

What do cheerleaders and tampons have in common?
They're both stuck up bitches!

Go on. Add some variety to your sex life; use the other hand!

Have you heard about the woman who had sex with a racehorse?
She's now in a stable condition.

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A drug dealer can't clean his crack and re-sell it!
 
Worlds Biggest Pussy

A guy goes to see this hooker who is said to have the world's biggest
pussy. He starts fucking her but she's WAY too big and he's getting
no satisfaction, so he slides his whole body inside her and tries
to get off, but he falls in. He's groping around in the dark and he
lights his lighter and starts walking around. After a while he
drops the lighter by accident and starts crawling around looking for
it. He bumps into another guy. "Hey" he says, "You're lost in
here too, eh? Listen, if we can find my lighter, we can walk out
of here." "Hell," says the other guy, "If we find my car we can
*drive* out of here!"

====================

For forty days I drove a truck
Forty women I began to fuck
Thirty women I knocked up
If that's not fucking I give up

There was a young man from Saint Paul
Who went to a masquerade ball.
Just for a stunt
He went dressed as a cunt,
And was fucked by a dog in the hall.

====================

A chick turns up to this fancy dress party completely naked and knocks on
the door. The guy who answers the door says, "You can't come in here,
you're not in fancy dress." She says, "Yes I am, I've come as a
carpenter." So he lets her in and says, "Hey guys, this chick reckons
she's dressed as a carpenter!"
"Prove it!", they all say.
So she puts one leg up on the table and says, "Have you ever seen a box
full of sores like this one?"
 
Without A Belly Button

Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly button. In its place was a golden screw. All the doctors told his mother that there was nothing they could do. Like it or not, he was stuck with it.

All the years of growing up was real tough on him because all who saw the screw made fun of him. He avoided ever leaving his house and thus, never made any friends.

One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a Swami in Tibet who could get rid of the screw for him. He was thrilled. The next day he took all of his life's savings and bought a ticket to Nepal.

After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant monastery. The swami knew exactly why he had come. He was told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the following day, when he awoke, the screw would have been removed.

The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep. During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open window, bearing in its mist a golden screwdriver. In just moments, the screwdriver removed the screw and disappeared out the window.

The next morning when the boy awoke, he saw the golden screw lying on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his navel, and there was no screw there!

Jubilant, he leaped out of bed, and his butt fell off.

The moral of this story is:
Don't screw around with things you don't understand.You could lose your ass!

=====

The first old geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!"

The second old fogy one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"

The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times."
 
HORSE RACE

LINE UP AND ODDS

In lane 1. Passionate Lady @ 2 to1
In lane 2. Bare Belly @ 4 to 1
In lane 3. Silk Panties @ 8 to 1
In lane 4. Conscience @ 100 t0 1
In lane 5. Jockey Shorts @ 10 to 1
In lane 6. Clean Sheets @ 25 to 1
In lane 7. Thighs @ 15 to 1
In lane 8. Big Dick @ 2 to 5
In lane 9. Heavy Bosom @ 12 to 1
In lane 10. Merry Cherry @ 50 to 1

AND THEY'RE OFF!!!

Conscience is left behind at the gate.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and
Big Dick is in a dangerous spot.

AT THE HALFWAY MARK:

It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and
Big Dick is pushing in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.

AT THE TURN

Merry Cherry pops under the strain.
Silk Panties and Jockey shorts are no longer in the picture
Bare Belly is making a final push.
Big Dick is in and Passionate Lady is coming.

AT THE STRETCH:

It's Big Dick taking charge
Passionate Lady continues to take all Big Dick can offer.
Bare Belly buckles under the pressure
As Thighs are forced wide

AT THE FINISH

It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick comes
through with one final thrust and wins by a head
Bare Belly shows
Thighs continue to fall back
Heavy Bosom pulls up
And Clean Sheets never had a chance.
 
TOP 10 REASONS WHY CYBER SEX IS BETTER

10.If the date goes bad, changing your Screen
Name is easier then changing your real name.

9. Bathing, dressing, supplying atmosphere is optional.

8.If you get drunk and blackout, you only wake
up next to a keyboard.

7.You can exercise your offensive habits without
embarrassing yourself.

6.Viagra! Who needs Viagra?

5.Your partner could have more of a personality
than your inflatable friends.

4. Three words: No shotgun weddings.

3.All guys look like George Clooney and
all women like Pamela Anderson.

2.They never have to know you live in your
parents basement.
1. If you catch a virus, only your computer dies.

------------

Blonde Q's & A's

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.


Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
 
Top 10 Reasons For Getting Out Of Sex

10. I'd love to honey, but I just banged your sister.
9. We're out of paper bags for your head again.
8. You haven't shaved in so long I'm afraid I'd feel I was making love
to Big Foot.
7. You're 20 bucks short.
6. We're out of gin again.
5. I used my last sponge for the dishes.
4. Sorry, this isn't a conjugal visit.
3. I can't tonight honey, I spent myself earlier watching all those porno's.
2. Only if you put on this wig and act like a Chinese hooker.
1. Your gynecologist just called. You still have crabs, and you know
I don't like seafood.


Many of us Old Folks (those over 40, WAY over 40 or hovering near 40)
are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure
about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct
as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on
the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be
avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. In line skates and a walker
And last, but not least . . .
13. Thongs and Depends
Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop
 
Rain On Your Parade

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful!" exclaimed the woman, "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, He would personally greet me."

"Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down, and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Who f*cked up your hair?"
 
YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,
"YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE".
He stormed in to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on,
you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating
my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind
of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you
will massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The f*ckin' funeral director would be my first guess."
=====
There once was a man from Calcutta
Who took a sly peep through a shutter.
But all he could see
was his wife's twitching knee
And the arse of the man that was up her
 
"What's That?"

A young girl walks in and sees her mother in the shower. She asks, "What's that, mommy?"
The mother says, "It's a vagina."
So the girl says, "When will I get one of those?"
"When you're a teenager," the mother replies.
Later on, the little girl walks in on her father while he's showering. "What's that, daddy?"
"It's a penis," he replies.
"When will I get one of those?" she asks.
The father says, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."

=====

There once was a man from Calcutta,
who liked to beat off in the gutter,
the heat of the street
melted his meat
and turned his cream into butter.

=====

Q: How can you tell if the barmaid is pissed off at you?
A: There is a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary

Q: Why is a turd better than a woman?
A: Because after you lay a turd you don't have to hug and kiss it.

Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?
A: So they can piss and moan at the same time.
 


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