JeSt fOr LaUgHs...

[melody]

Things That Make You Go.. Hmmm.....

*Why do we say something is out of whack? What is in whack?
*Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
*Do Lipton tea employees take coffee breaks?
*How much deeper would the oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
*No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning.
*If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
*If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
=======
*Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
*It takes many nails to build a crib but one screw to fill it.
*Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
*Man who sit on tack, get point.
*Man with hand on tool not always mechanic
*Man who lives in glass house should change in basement
*He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
=======
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
=======
John is out in the country with his new bride.
They watch as a bull comes over the rise and bangs six cows in a row, one after the other.
His wife says, "It's a shame a man can't perform like that."
He says, "We could, if we got to change cows every time."

 

[melody]

Payback's A Bitch

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together.

As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.

Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's cock and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.

He wrote on the back of the photo the following, "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and mailed the picture to her parents.

=====
What is the difference between a family reunion and a 69er?
A) With a 69er you've only gotta kiss one cunt!
=====
A salesman knocks on a house door. Little Johnny answers the door, dressed in a pair of underpants, huge joint in one hand and a can of beer in the other.
"Hello little boy, is your Mummy or Daddy in?"
"What the fuck do you think?"

 

[melody]

Guilt

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It has gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "and, no doubt, you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
---------
One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the lady's room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, "This is for ladies!" she screamed.
The drunk waved his dick at her and said, "So is this!"
---------
A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns to her and says "Hey how bout it. You and me, getting it on. I have got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money."
She stands up and says, "What makes you think I charge by the inch."

 

[melody]

Nookie Days


My nookie days are over;
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal;
Is now my water spout.

Time was when of its own accord;
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I have a full time job;
To find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing;
The way it would behave.
For every single morning;
It would stand and watch me shave.

As old age approaches;
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its withered head;
And watch me tie my shoes.



Joe met Suzi in a nightclub.

They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Suzi invited Joe to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.

Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other.

After a short while, Suzi began tenderly stroking Joe's manhood.

Surprised but appreciative, Joe comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more?

Suzi replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had mine... "

 

[JaswinderSingh]

Too funny to read

 

[melody]

Complete Asshole

Certificate of Upgrade to Complete Asshole
Awarded to____________________________________In recognition of your obnoxious attitude, ability to piss people off, complete asinine juvenile behavior and total dedication to personal gain without regard to the many hardships you have forced upon friends, family and others during your lifetime, you have become a legend in your own mind. To recognize your upgrade from half-assed to complete asshole, gives all concerned great satisfaction. If anyone, for any reason, doubts your status.
JUST BE YOURSELF......!!!!!
Effective as of this_____day of_________________2012
Per:____________________________
Authorized Signature


A lady and her husband have been arguing back
And forth for some time. She makes an appointment
To see her doctor and tells him, "My husband
Has been complaining that my pussy has an odor,
But I bent over and took a whiff, and I don't
Smell anything."

The doctor examines her, and then says,
"Ma'am, you need an operation."

She says, "On my pussy?"

He says, "No, on your NOSE!"

A SHORT LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before, who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!", he exclaimed.

"'Good", she replied "Get your own damn blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

 

[melody]

Bunk Beds

This teenager shares a room with his kid brother -- he's got the upper bunk and the kid has the lower bunk. One night the teenager sneaks a girl into the bedroom and begins fucking her in the top bunk. She starts getting loud, so worried, he whispers: "Look, don't be going 'harder,' 'deeper,' my brother might hear and tell on us. If you want it harder say 'tomatoes,' and if you want it deeper say 'lettuce.'" So they're going at it hot and heavy and she's screaming "LETTUCE!" "TOMATOES!" "LETTUCE."
Next morning, the kid says to his brother "Hey, next time you make sandwiches in the bedroom, be more careful -- last night you dripped mayonnaise all over me!


There Once Was a Grocer Called Great Scott.
He Tried to Sell Groceries but Could Not.
So He Closed All the Doors
And Used the Cashiers as Whores.
And Now They Call His Store ‘Great Twat’.


A worried father confronted his daughter one night.
I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and
common, and bloody stupid with it."

"Oh, no, Daddy," the daughter replied, "Fred's ever
so clever, we've only been going out 9 weeks and
he's cured me of that illness I used to get once
a month."


Q. Why did the Nymho get herself arrested?
A. She wanted to go to the penile colony.


A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

 

[melody]

The Explanation

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out "Perhaps you should hear how all this came about..."
I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge.
She was bare-footed so I gave her your good sandals which you had discarded because they had gone out of style.
She was cold so I gave her the sweater which I bought for you for your birthday but you never wore because the color didn't suit you.
Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans, which were perfectly good, but too small for you now.
"Then just as she was about to leave, she asked, 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore ?'"

--------

A worried young man from Stamboul,
Found lots of red spots on his tool,
Said the doctor a cynic, "Get out of my clinic!",
Just wipe off the lipstick you fool!"

 

[melody]

Morris & Sadie

Morris comes home and finds his wife Sadie crying. She says, "I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you're having an affair with your secretary. Why would you do that to me? I've always been a good wife...I've cooked for you, raised your children, and I've always been by your side for thirty-five years. What haven't I done to make you happy?"
Morris says, "It's true, Sadie, you've been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You never moan when we have sex."
Sadie says, "If I moaned when we have sex, you'd stop running around? All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I can moan during sex."
They go to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb in bed. As they start kissing, Sadie says, "Now, Morris? Should I moan now?"
He says, "No, not yet." He starts fondling her, and she says, "What about now? Should I moan now?"
He says, "No, I'll tell you when." He climbs on top of her and starts banging her.
She says, "Is it time for me to moan now, Morris?"
He says, "Wait, wait...I'll tell you when." A few minutes later, just seconds before he's going to climax, he says, "Now, Sadie. Moan. Moan..."
She says, "Oy, you wouldn't believe what a day I had..."


There once was a man named Bob,
Who loved to show off his knob,
He flashed it at Dave,
And rubbed it on Jay,
Who sucked it like corn on the cob!

 

[melody]

Nasty Female Bashing

Q: What do you tell to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, she has been told twice already.

Q: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A. Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.

Q. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A. It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.

Q. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? A.
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

Q. How do you fix a woman's watch?
A. You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Q. Why do men fart more than women?
A. Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

Q: How do you get your wife to scream while you are having an orgasm?
A: Call her and tell her where you are.

A recent survey asked 100 sexually active women if their twat twitched after sex.
98% replied "No, he just rolls over and goes to sleep."

The three most amazing things about women are:
1 They can give milk without eating grass.
2 They can bleed for a week and not die.
3 They can bury a bone and not get their noses dirty.
Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A. So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
They found a cure for mad cow disease:
A box of chocolate and a dozen roses

Q. Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
A. Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Why did God give men penises?
So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you.

What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
Marriage.

Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.

Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
Her navel.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

What's a wife?
An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them.

 

[JaswinderSingh]

Very humor?

 

[melody]

Trays Up

I once was on a plane where I was served by an obviously homosexual male

flight attendant. At one point, he bounced over to where I was sitting
and announced "The Captain has asked me to announce that he will be
landing the big scary plane shortly, so if you could just put up your
trays, that would be great."

I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting next to me did not. A
few moments later, our flight attendant came back and said to her:
"Ma'am,
perhaps you couldn't hear me over the big scary engine, but I asked you
to please put up your tray so that the captain can land the plane."

She still wouldn't comply. Now he was getting angry and asked her again
to put up the tray.

She then calmly turned to him and said: "In my country, I am called a
princess. I take orders from no one."

Our flight attendant replied: "Oh yeah? Well in MY country, I'm called
a queen and I outrank you, bitch, so put the tray up!"

=====

A little girl was licking a lollipop at a hairdressers a drops it into a heap of cut hair lying
on the floor, the hairdresser says to her: Oh, "have you got hair on your lollipop"?
"No", answers the little girl, "I'm only three."

 

[melody]

Cremated

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers
happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were
discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane
and scatter his ashes in the sky."

The second man said, "My Ross was into clubbing, so I'm going to
scatter his ashes on the dance floor."

The third man said, "My Paul was such a good lover, I think I'm going
to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one
more time."

=======

Doug and Bill were discussing the new secretary at their office.

Doug to Bill: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"

Two days later.

Bill to Doug: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but she sure isn't a lot better than your wife."

 

[melody]

What I've Learned As I've Matured:

1. I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All
you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

2. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people
are just assholes.

3. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only
takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

4. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen
minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.

5. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -
they are more screwed up than you think.

6. I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're
finished.

7. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless
we are celebrities or political figures.

8. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship
is at first, the passion fades.

9. I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children,
they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

10. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are
taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never
go away.

Bloopers
*Please excuse Connie from gym class today as she had difficulty breeding
*Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.
*Please excuse Clarence from being absent from school the past few days. He was home sick from an operation. He had penis trouble and had to be serpent sized.
*Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
*Please excuse Jane Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She had an absent tooth.
*Please excuse my daughter's absence. She had her periodicals.

 

[melody]

Cheating

Three men are sitting at a bar and each admits that he thinks his wife is cheating on him.

"I found a hammer and a tool belt under my bed yesterday," the first man says. "I think my wife is sleeping with a carpenter."

"Well, I found a medical bag under my bed yesterday," the second man admits. "I think my wife is sleeping with a doctor."

"That's nothing," the third man says. "When I came home yesterday, I found a cowboy under my bed.I think my wife is screwing a horse."

=====

Ponder this

*Jesus loves you... but everyone else thinks you are an asshole.
*Impotence... Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
*The proctologist called.... they found your head.
*Save your breath........ You'll need it to blow up your date.
*Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
*WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
*Guys.... just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
*Heart Attacks... God's revenge for eating His animal friends.
*Try not to let your mind wander.... It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
*Welcome to America .... Now learn Spanish.

=====

Thought for the day
Beware
The toes you step on today
could well be attached
to the legs
that lead to the arse
you may have to kiss tomorrow

 

[melody]

Little Known Sexual Facts




(**) Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any group of
mammals that exist- especially fruit bats.

(**) Lions will have sex about 500 times with one mate. This is to
ensure fertilization.

(**) In Texas it is illegal to have sex with a fish, in Florida it is
illegal to get a fish drunk, and N. Carolina thought both laws were good
so there it is illegal to have sex with a drunk fish.

(**) Dolphins and humans are the only known animals that have sex for
pleasure.

(**) The bonobo monkeys use sex (and/or sexual favors) to placate
members of their social group instead of grooming. They are one of the
few species of animals (humans being another) that have sex out of
season and for fun.

(**) Sperm Whales are sexually mature at birth.

(**) In Argentina, it is rumored that eating cats is good for your
health and stimulates sexual potency.

(**) You can tell a turtle's sex by its sound. Males grunt, females
hiss.

(**) Human birth control pills work on gorillas.

(**) The eagle has sex while going up to 60 mph. in flight, and it is
common for both eagles to hit the ground before they finish.

(**) Apart from humans, certain species of chimpanzee are the only
animals to experiment sexually. They have been known to 'wife swap' and
indulge in group sex.

(**) According to Dr. David Gems, a British geneticist, sex-craved male
mice, who spend 5 to 11 hours per day pursuing female mice, could live
years longer if they abstained.

(**) In the past 60 years, the groundhog has only predicted the weather
correctly 28% of the time. The rushing back and forth from burrows is
believed to indicate sexual activity, not shadow seeking.

(**) A certain musical note can sexually excite cats -- the same note
when played for kittens makes them want to go to the bathroom.

(**) If disconnected, the sex organs (or gonads) of an armadillo are
still active.

(**) The ten-inch Banana Slugs of the Northwest end their 30 hour
hermaphroditic mating session by chewing off each other's male sex
organs.

(**) Mosquitoes perform a sex act that lasts only 2 seconds.

(**) The largest living animal, the blue whale, naturally enough also
has the largest penis, measuring approximately 10 feet long and 1 foot
in diameter. It's cousin, the sperm whale, gets as big as 9 feet. And
yes, the sperm whale is so named because early sailors thought those
gallons of white, gooey oil found in its head was indeed sperm.

(**) Long a symbol of sexual potency, the rhinoceros can ejaculate ten
times or more during his half hour session with a female. They also have
penises that are 2 feet long.

(**) Though barnacles can't move, they still mate via an extraordinarily
long penis (150% their body length) that reaches over and into the
female's mantle cavity.

(**) Female chimpanzees have been observed masturbating with their
fingers, twigs and a water faucet.

(**) A drone honeybee will wait his whole life for one chance to mate
with a queen. As soon as the queen opens her sting chamber to receive
him, he explodes, his genitals bursting forth like a detonating grenade.
Plugged, the queen flies away, leaving the drone to fall to the ground
dead and eviscerated, albeit with a smile on his face.

(**) Fleas are known to engage in sex immediately after feasting on
rabbit's blood specifically if the opportunity presents itself.

(**) Gorilla penises are only a third of that of an average man's.

(**) Humans aren't the only female animals that can experience orgasm;
some rabbits and ferrets do as well.

(**) A whale's penis is called a dork, which incidentally, is where we
get the derogatory slang.

(**) Porpoises have been known to engage in group sex.

(**) Pigs do indeed have a corkscrew-shaped penis. When engaged in sex,
the male's penis will make semi-rotary actions until it becomes firmly
secured in the folds of the female's cervix at which point the male
ejaculates, a process which in itself takes as long as 30 minutes.

(**) Female baboons have been known to engage in a primitive form of
prostitution by stealing food during sex.

(**) The average mink sexual encounter lasts for several hours (how do
you think they get their coats so shiny?)

(**) 22.75 hours is the current record for the longest rattlesnake
mating session.

(**) The female bedbug is born without any external sex organs. So the
male bedbug has to drill his pointed penis to drill a hole into her
partner's gut and deposit his sperm into her bloodstream. During long
spells without access to human blood, the female's been known to dine on
her male partner's semen.

(**) Capuchin monkeys usually say hello by showing each other their
erections.

(**) Perhaps the originator of the "quickie," a baboon engages in a
typical sex session that lasts all of 15 seconds.

 

[melody]

Just Saying!

#1...Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make the husband's dick hard, not his life..!

#2. Kamasutra says: If you suck one nipple,the woman herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!

#3. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini , Boobs & lower body with a "P" Petticoat, pants, panties, pussy.... No wonder why men suffer from high B P !!!

#4...What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!

#5...3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

#6...Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.

=====

There was a young man of L'Hore
Whose dick was one inch and no more
Which was all right for keyholes
And little girls' pee holes
But no good at all with a whore

 

[melody]

Country-Western Song Titles

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?
Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
Got In At 2 With a 10, And Woke Up At 10 With a 2.
Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except For Mine
Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got An Even Deal
Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Getting' Better
Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite
I'm So miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
I've Got Tears in My Ears From Lying On My Back While I Cry Over You
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him
Please Bypass this Heart
She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger
You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed
Get Your Tongue Otta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long
If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
She's Looking Better After Every Beer

*****

There was a young dolly named Molly
Who thought that to frig was folly.
Said she, "Your pee-pee
Means nothing to me,
But I'll do it just to be jolly."

 

[melody]

The Robot
Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.
"Hey, bud, how are ya?"
"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"
"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!
"No way, how could that be?"
"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Let me tell you how she works.
If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her
right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex,
too!"
"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"
"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"
So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for
a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh!
Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"
The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil
sharpener!"
=======
A couple had not been married for long, when the husband came home one
day to find that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and
gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success. Two
days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her in the
kitchen. He asked her what she had been up to and why she hadn’t been
home for so long. She replied:”These four men kidnapped me and had wild
sex with me for a week.” The husband answered: “But it’s only been two
days what do you mean a week?” She answered “I am just here to get
something to fuck’n eat.”

 

[melody]

To All Employees Who Work Overtime:

Oh husband, oh husband, I tremble with fear,
You've been on overtime almost a year!

And since you are gone till way late at night,
A good piece of ass seems way out of sight.

Oh husband, dear husband, please don't be a fool,
working this overtime is wasting your tool.

Far better it is to be poor all your life
Than to bring a soft peter home to your wife.

Oh husband, dear husband, now don't get me wrong,
The money is good, but so was your dong.

You came home from work just able to creep;
I feel like screwing! But you want to sleep.

Each evening, dear husband, you crawl into bed;
Your intentions are good, but your pecker is dead.

I play with your pecker all wrinkled and dry;
I get so damned mad! I could lay down and cry.

I have pleaded with you dear, with tears in my eyes;
I have played with your balls, but your pecker won't rise.

For in this whole world, there is only one sin,
For which there's no pardon and never has been;

And that is a man who's so foolish and mean
That he gives up Fucking to run a machine!
====
Mummy! Mummy! I'm getting dizzy!
Shut up son, or I will nail your other foot to the ground!

Mummy! Mummy! Dad's been run over in the street!
Shut up son and don't make me laugh, you know my lips are chapped!

Mummy! Mummy! Everyone at school calls me a pansy!
Don't worry dear, just hit them over the head with your handbag!