Ah Beng tiok Toto
Ah Beng rushed in to his house and shouted for his wife, " Lian, Ah Lian ah, quick, quick, pack your bags, ho say leow, I kanna Toto. One meellion lollars." His wife, Ah Lian, came out of the kitchen, and asked, "Wah....this time song leow! Where should we go, ha? Should I pack for A-merry-ca or Chip Poon, ha.....?".
"No," said Ah Beng. "Just pack your bags and ka lim peh keong kan (f-off)"
Drinks
Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition. During the Q&A segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'."
The crowd shouts,"Gin! Gin!". Others exclaim, "No, its Grape Juice!" Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"
Host : "Quiet please."
Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, "C'mon man, you think I need their help? I got more original answer : Gu ni!" (cow milk in hokkien)
Soldiers
A British soldier, a Malaysian soldier and a Singaporean soldier were running away from a group of Japanese soldiers and came to a deserted warehouse. The British saw some gunny sacks and thought that the they had no choice but to hide using the gunny sacks. So the three of them hid in the gunny sack and soon the Japs came into the warehouse.
The commander saw three suspicious looking sacks, went up to the first one with the Briton hiding in it and kicked it. The quick thinking Briton cried, "Meow, meow!". The Jap commander, thinking it was only a cat, went to the other with the Malaysian inside, gave it a kick, and the Malaysian cried, "Woof, woof!"
Again, the Jap commander was tricked and moved on to the third, gave it a kick, at which the Singaporean cried out, "Kan ni na chee bye, who kick me hah?!?!?!"
Ah Beng Mekenik
Ah Beng decided to start a business; an auto garage. He buy the best of car servicing equipment and manpower. Then Ah Beng waited that day for cars to arrive but no car entered their garage. Then he waited for 1 day, 2 days, a week for the car to arrive but no car came to their garage.
So Ah Beng called his friend and complain to his friend "I lonnoe why la no bisles one my mekenik sop". Then his friend asked "Why? Hong chui (feng shui) no good ar?".
Ah Beng instantly replied "What hong chui no good, my shop got nice number open at 8th floor lerrr!!!"
Heng ah
One day, Ah Beng & Ah Seng were walking down the Chinatown when they saw something in their path. Wait!" cried Ah Beng. "Wat is tat huh?"
"Yah ho! Be carefool lo," warned Ah Seng.
"Wat is it?" They approached the thing and looked at it very closely.
"Eee look like shit lah!" say Ah Beng.
"Hmmm..... smell like shit also!" say Ah Seng after taking a deep breathe.
Ah Beng then poked the thing with his one finger, raised the finger to his lips, tasted it and said, "Tastes like shit!"
Ah Seng pushed his finger right through the thing and stick out his tongue to lick. With confidence, he said, "Confirm is shit!"
Then they smiled at each other, "WAH! Heng ahhh we didn't step on it."
Beng masuk Army
War is going on between Malaysia and Singapore. Ah Beng was recruited as a runner to pass important messages from Singapore's spies in Malaysia to the Singapore government. Halfway running in the forest, Ah Beng spotted a bunch of Malaysian troops and accidentally shouted "Ni na beh, Ma-lai-siah peng!!" and hides in the bushes.
The Malaysian army Corporal heard Ah Beng and alerted his troops. His right hand man started asking "How to look for him? Jungle so big" and the corporal replied "Rilek la, so easy." The corporal stood in his position and shouted "BENG".
Ah Beng came out and asked "Who call me???"
Jeeshow Pujjle
One day Ah Beng received a call from his girlfriend, Ah Lian.
Ah Lian: Beng larling ar, how come the jeeshow pujjle i buy one cannot play one?
Ah Beng: Why cannot pray? Hilang one piece ar your jeeshow pujjle? What the piccher show?
Ah Lian: No ler not hilang. The piccher show one chicken neh. But hor, the corner hor, all cannot matsh one. Aiyor, very cheeminology lar this pujjle. Come help me pluissss...
Ah Beng: Ok la Ok la I come tau kar cheu now.
So Ah Beng went to Ah Lian's house and Ah Lian bring him to her kitchen table to show the puzzle. Ah Beng tried to match the puzzle for 30 minutes before standing up and say..
"Ni na beh chee bye gong, put the confrakes back inside the box lar, seow ja boh!"
Ah Beng rushed in to his house and shouted for his wife, " Lian, Ah Lian ah, quick, quick, pack your bags, ho say leow, I kanna Toto. One meellion lollars." His wife, Ah Lian, came out of the kitchen, and asked, "Wah....this time song leow! Where should we go, ha? Should I pack for A-merry-ca or Chip Poon, ha.....?".
"No," said Ah Beng. "Just pack your bags and ka lim peh keong kan (f-off)"
Drinks
Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition. During the Q&A segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'."
The crowd shouts,"Gin! Gin!". Others exclaim, "No, its Grape Juice!" Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"
Host : "Quiet please."
Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, "C'mon man, you think I need their help? I got more original answer : Gu ni!" (cow milk in hokkien)
Soldiers
A British soldier, a Malaysian soldier and a Singaporean soldier were running away from a group of Japanese soldiers and came to a deserted warehouse. The British saw some gunny sacks and thought that the they had no choice but to hide using the gunny sacks. So the three of them hid in the gunny sack and soon the Japs came into the warehouse.
The commander saw three suspicious looking sacks, went up to the first one with the Briton hiding in it and kicked it. The quick thinking Briton cried, "Meow, meow!". The Jap commander, thinking it was only a cat, went to the other with the Malaysian inside, gave it a kick, and the Malaysian cried, "Woof, woof!"
Again, the Jap commander was tricked and moved on to the third, gave it a kick, at which the Singaporean cried out, "Kan ni na chee bye, who kick me hah?!?!?!"
Ah Beng Mekenik
Ah Beng decided to start a business; an auto garage. He buy the best of car servicing equipment and manpower. Then Ah Beng waited that day for cars to arrive but no car entered their garage. Then he waited for 1 day, 2 days, a week for the car to arrive but no car came to their garage.
So Ah Beng called his friend and complain to his friend "I lonnoe why la no bisles one my mekenik sop". Then his friend asked "Why? Hong chui (feng shui) no good ar?".
Ah Beng instantly replied "What hong chui no good, my shop got nice number open at 8th floor lerrr!!!"
Heng ah
One day, Ah Beng & Ah Seng were walking down the Chinatown when they saw something in their path. Wait!" cried Ah Beng. "Wat is tat huh?"
"Yah ho! Be carefool lo," warned Ah Seng.
"Wat is it?" They approached the thing and looked at it very closely.
"Eee look like shit lah!" say Ah Beng.
"Hmmm..... smell like shit also!" say Ah Seng after taking a deep breathe.
Ah Beng then poked the thing with his one finger, raised the finger to his lips, tasted it and said, "Tastes like shit!"
Ah Seng pushed his finger right through the thing and stick out his tongue to lick. With confidence, he said, "Confirm is shit!"
Then they smiled at each other, "WAH! Heng ahhh we didn't step on it."
Beng masuk Army
War is going on between Malaysia and Singapore. Ah Beng was recruited as a runner to pass important messages from Singapore's spies in Malaysia to the Singapore government. Halfway running in the forest, Ah Beng spotted a bunch of Malaysian troops and accidentally shouted "Ni na beh, Ma-lai-siah peng!!" and hides in the bushes.
The Malaysian army Corporal heard Ah Beng and alerted his troops. His right hand man started asking "How to look for him? Jungle so big" and the corporal replied "Rilek la, so easy." The corporal stood in his position and shouted "BENG".
Ah Beng came out and asked "Who call me???"
Jeeshow Pujjle
One day Ah Beng received a call from his girlfriend, Ah Lian.
Ah Lian: Beng larling ar, how come the jeeshow pujjle i buy one cannot play one?
Ah Beng: Why cannot pray? Hilang one piece ar your jeeshow pujjle? What the piccher show?
Ah Lian: No ler not hilang. The piccher show one chicken neh. But hor, the corner hor, all cannot matsh one. Aiyor, very cheeminology lar this pujjle. Come help me pluissss...
Ah Beng: Ok la Ok la I come tau kar cheu now.
So Ah Beng went to Ah Lian's house and Ah Lian bring him to her kitchen table to show the puzzle. Ah Beng tried to match the puzzle for 30 minutes before standing up and say..
"Ni na beh chee bye gong, put the confrakes back inside the box lar, seow ja boh!"
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