jokes related to cars

[kelvio]

if u got any jokes related about cars please post here:shades_smile:

 

[kelvio]

1 day theres a sexy lady driving a kancil and stalled beside the road,
then a guy driving a PORSH 911 stop by to help,and the guy tell the lady that he will tow her car to his work shop by tying a rope to both car, so he tell the lady if he is driving to fast just horn or flash him.

while on the trip a ferrari zoom,forgoting theres a car behind him he just flored the padel and tail gate the ferrari

in fear the lady honk and flash him but no respon and the lady continue to honk and flash.

while racing a police men saw them racing and report it back to HQ

WAHHH!!!! AKU NAMPAK SATU FERRARI LUMBA DENGAN PORSH ........ DAN DAN
SATU KANCIL 660 MENGIKURI(tail gating) MEREKA DAN MENEKAN HON DAN MEMANCARKAN LAMPU KAT MEREKA!!!

 

[kelvio]

heres 1 more

theres a racing competition: rules>
only 1 rules, as long that any part of your car and the driver reach finish line is the winner.

In the competition theres this 3 drivers name Mika Shui Maika ,Kimin Mahai Nen, and Ah Lan So sign in for the race all of them have max tuned car other are nood car!!
after starting the 3 of them are neck and neck fighting for a place
while in the last lap 1 of them skidded and crash another 2 of them, realising that they are near to the finish line they grab parts of their car and cross the finish line
and the result:
position
1.ah lan so
2.kimi mahai nen
3.mika shui maika

PARTS they use
hood
radiator
door



later in the press confrence the reporter ask them why they choose the parts (where the rules say so)

the reporter : Ah lan so y u chose the the hood?
ah lan so : OH KALAU HUJAN BOLEH TEDUH!!
the reporter :hmm not bad can use as an umbrela thank you

the reporter : kimi mahai nen y u choose the radiator?
kimi mahai nen : OH KALAU HAUS BOLEH MINUM!!
the reporter :hmm rehidrate your body after the running good idea
thank you!!

the reporter : mika shui maika y u choose the door?
mika shui maika: OH KALAU PANAS BOLEH BUKA TINGKAP!!
the reporter ::confused_smile: BUKA TINGKAP!!!

 

[wenshen]

kimi mahai nen.. WAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHA

 

[kelvio]

one day theres a guy being dump by his girl. while driving in his car he think that he wanted to die drive damn fast 320kmh. later he reach a traffic light
" eh red light dun care " he said
zooming by the read light,later turning to bend he saw a person on dark coloured dress. a police waving to stop, so he stop
the police men ask "didnt u saw the traffic light"
the guy answered " i saw it"
the police men say " so why u didnt stop"
the guy answered " BECOUSE .................................... I DIDNT SAW U OFFICER!!!

 

[Doink]

one day theres a guy being dump by his girl. while driving in his car he think that he wanted to die drive damn fast 320kmh. later he reach a traffic light
" eh red light dun care " he said
zooming by the read light,later turning to bend he saw a person on dark coloured dress. a police waving to stop, so he stop
the police men ask "didnt u saw the traffic light"
the guy answered " i saw it"
the police men say " so why u didnt stop"
the guy answered " BECOUSE .................................... I DIDNT SAW U OFFICER!!!

hayha i like this one...will try to use this excuse see what will happen...wait for me to write a report ya?

 

[kelvio]

lol hahaha if kena saman dun come find me hehehe

 

[eujin]

there is a joke about policemen

there is a mr2 zoom passed the police patrol car...police gave a chase.....but it takes a while for the police catch up with the mr2...tht mr2 wen to the mamak and parked the car..so the policemen spotted this mr2 parked at the mamak.....police went down and questioned the driver....."hei,tadi u pandu sangat laju di highway ar"...the driver said "tak dak,saya sampai sini sangat lama"....the policemen looked puzzled and asked..."bukti mana?"so the driver said "sentuh bonet depan,sejuk punya...jika saya race..engine mesti panas kan??"...so the police touched the front bonet and it is cold...policemen said "yah,masih sejuk engine dia,maafkan saya...tadi nampak sebuah kereta macam macam rupa kereta awak pandu sangat laju,maaf ar encik"..so police drove off...


moral of story....buy mr2...hahah...and cheat ur way out....

**for those who duno..mr2 is rear engine rear drive...

 

[satria_95]

hey guys wut do you think bout thes story...
rumour has it dat he is a mamber here oso....

Wah talking about street racing... I had a horrible experience too... driving my fren's illegal AG6..fully modded... Big V engine and stuff.. carbon fiber hood... Already going around 210km/h.. racing against a skyline GTR 34.. still faster.. I push nitros button... speed went up to 220km/h in AG6.. around there.. overtook the skyline.. next thing i knew.. "KABOOM!!' The carbon fiber hood flies off and car slows down... I'm afraid I fried the engine... that was DAMMN FREAKY ! my fren marah me like hell.. In de end.. i won the skyline... so had more $$ income from the race to replace new engine... after that i stop adi... takut.. to street race... rather play in the TRACKS...

But ofcoz i still got play here and there on the streets using my own car... other day on LDP near Sunway.. i was using my WISE .. I smoked a GTI Satria.. in cutting and stuff... eheh

Laugh at the english. Laugh at the contents. Laugh at the grammar.
hahahahahaha

 

[rollakid]

One day, a man is late for work, so he speeds on the highway hoping he will make it in time. But when he cross a bridge, a police caught him with a speed gun and chase him down. Here's teh conversation of them when the police caught him:

Police: Hey buddy. Did you know that you are way pass the speed limit?
Man: Yes sir. I don't have much of a choice, i'm late for work.
Police: Oh, is that so? So what you do for a living?
Man: Well, I'm a profesional rectum stretcher. I stretch my client's rectum until they are 6 feet wide. Pretty much the same like a dentist to pull out your tooth.
Police: What the F__K?! What do you need a 6 feet asshole for?
Man: Well, for starters, we give them a speedgun and place them by the bridge...

 

[Duke Red]

One day, a man is late for work, so he speeds on the highway hoping he will make it in time. But when he cross a bridge, a police caught him with a speed gun and chase him down. Here's teh conversation of them when the police caught him:

Police: Hey buddy. Did you know that you are way pass the speed limit?
Man: Yes sir. I don't have much of a choice, i'm late for work.
Police: Oh, is that so? So what you do for a living?
Man: Well, I'm a profesional rectum stretcher. I stretch my client's rectum until they are 6 feet wide. Pretty much the same like a dentist to pull out your tooth.
Police: What the F__K?! What do you need a 6 feet asshole for?
Man: Well, for starters, we give them a speedgun and place them by the bridge...

Haha class!

 

[si|verfish]

Now that was good.

 

[kelvio]

there is a joke about policemen

there is a mr2 zoom passed the police patrol car...police gave a chase.....but it takes a while for the police catch up with the mr2...tht mr2 wen to the mamak and parked the car..so the policemen spotted this mr2 parked at the mamak.....police went down and questioned the driver....."hei,tadi u pandu sangat laju di highway ar"...the driver said "tak dak,saya sampai sini sangat lama"....the policemen looked puzzled and asked..."bukti mana?"so the driver said "sentuh bonet depan,sejuk punya...jika saya race..engine mesti panas kan??"...so the police touched the front bonet and it is cold...policemen said "yah,masih sejuk engine dia,maafkan saya...tadi nampak sebuah kereta macam macam rupa kereta awak pandu sangat laju,maaf ar encik"..so police drove off...


moral of story....buy mr2...hahah...and cheat ur way out....

**for those who duno..mr2 is rear engine rear drive...

MAN I WOULD LIKE TO OWN A MR2 lol......
good idea for those own mr2 or RR car

 

[andy_lka]

SIMPLE BUT SILLY JOKE.,.

AROUND 2AM, Mr. Tong Sam Pah was travelling along the LDP Highway AT THE SPEED OF 130KM/H WITH HIS WAJA. HE WAS ACTUALLY DRUNKEN AS HE JUZ COME OUT FROM THE PUB. SUDDENLY THERE IS A SPEED TRAP AND ROADBLOCK 1 KM IN FRONT.. TOO LATE, THE CAMERA HAS SNAP HIS CAR EARLIER..AND HE GOT NO CHOICE TO ESCAPE...SO, HE PULL ASIDE HIS CAR N GET DOWN FROM THE CAR...SO THE POLICE OFFICER WHO DROVE A WAJA STOP IN FRONT OF HIM...

NOW, HERE IS THE CONVERSATION:

POLICE: ENCIK, U TAHU APA U SALAH. ? (IN A MIXED ENG+BM)
sAM pAH: AIYA, U MAU LU KASI TU SAMAN LA....
pOLICE: OKIE...TADI U BAWA 130KM/H...SEKARANG I NAK BAGI U SAMAN ..
sAM PAH: CEPATLAH....
POLICE: CIK, U ADA MINUM ARAK KE?>
SAM PAH: AIYO, LU OLANG, INI PUN SALAH, ITU PUN SALAH, CEPAT SAMAN LA.!
POLICE: OKIE, INI U PUNYA SAMAN..

THEN THEY WENT TO THEIR CAR N GO BCK..

WHILE GOIN BCK, SAM PAH FOUND TAT A WAJA FOLLOWING HIM N FLASH AT HIM, HE DIDN;T IGNORE IT, THINKING THAT IT MIGHT BE ONE OF THE ROAD BULLIES....

BOUT 515 MINS PASSED, THE WAJA STILL HONK N FLASHING LIGHT AT HIM FROM THE BCK...

THINKING THE BEST WAY WAS TO REACHED HOME ASAP, SAM PAH FINALLY REACHED HIS HSE.......

AND YET....

THE WAJA REALLY FOLLOWED HIM TO HIS HSE...

HE GET DOWN,

SURPRISINGLY! HE FOUND THAT IT WAS THE SAME POLICEMEN ...

NOW HE KNOWS.....

SAM PAH WAS ACTUALLY DIDN;T REALIZE THAT HE GET INTO A POLICE CAR N DROVE IT AWAY...

WHILE THE WAJA THAT FLASH AT HIM WAS HIS CAR, THAT WAS DRIVEN BY POLICE.

SILLY......BUT STILL A STORY..................

 

[calvin9683]

here's another one...
heard from my uncle's fren...while we are drinking....

wat is the best thing to do to pass a roadblock if u r drunk n driving???


here's the solution!!!!

4 guys went for drinking at a pub....
they was happily drinking until late night n finally everyone got drunk.....
but no matter wat....the driver still insist on driving everyone home...
so finally then get into the car n start moving....
then suddenly there's a road block right in front....
thinking of a solution to get thru the road block as that they would definately be caught as all was dead drunk at that time....
a man comes out wif a silly but brilliant idea......
all 4 of them got out of the car n start pushing it as if the car is having some problem n cant be started....
as they are pushing pass the road block...the policeman just ask them "apa hal"? n they just casually says "kereta rosak"....so those dumbass do not bother them n continue wif their work....
after passing the road block...they just got into the car n drive off.....

*hmm...dun think its workable though....but then just something to tell as a joke....

 

[sPoOn3838]

hahahaha....

 

[boosook]

ok this is a true story but its damn funny..its my fren's fren..here goes..

3 indian frens were on their way back from clubbing around 2-3am in the morning...they were drunk..basically no cars on the road ...half way driving they came to a roundabout... they suppose to turn 9 oclock..but they miss the 9 oclock turn...the driver stopped and reverse the car instead of taking one round!! then 1 car behind came and BANG!! ngam nagm 1 police car came and check...so that 3 indian fren tought that they were gonna get busted...

the policeman came to the front car and ask

policeman: ada siapa cedera?..apa berlaku?
driver: tak ada...itu orang belakang langgar saya la..

then the policeman went to the back car and talk to him as well...
then suddently the policeman came to the firat car again and said

policeman: orang yang langgar kamu mabuk la..dia kata kamu reverse itu kereta
dan langgar dia..kamu boleh pergi sekarang...

so that 3 indian fren escape...i think the orher guy kena saman...hehehe

 

[b00n]

ok this is a true story but its damn funny..its my fren's fren..here goes..

3 indian frens were on their way back from clubbing around 2-3am in the morning...they were drunk..basically no cars on the road ...half way driving they came to a roundabout... they suppose to turn 9 oclock..but they miss the 9 oclock turn...the driver stopped and reverse the car instead of taking one round!! then 1 car behind came and BANG!! ngam nagm 1 police car came and check...so that 3 indian fren tought that they were gonna get busted...

the policeman came to the front car and ask

policeman: ada siapa cedera?..apa berlaku?
driver: tak ada...itu orang belakang langgar saya la..

then the policeman went to the back car and talk to him as well...
then suddently the policeman came to the firat car again and said

policeman: orang yang langgar kamu mabuk la..dia kata kamu reverse itu kereta
dan langgar dia..kamu boleh pergi sekarang...

so that 3 indian fren escape...i think the orher guy kena saman...hehehe

ehhh...I heard that story bfore oso....happened in 2004 I think.....from a friend quating it's from his friend.......same friend??

 

[boosook]

izit?...hahah!!! the fren that told me name Kishore..i dunno if u noe him.. hahaha

 

[b00n]

nay..........but do u happen to know anyone working in Ctibank or Standard Chartered....
The first time I heard the story I laugh like hell........