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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063671090" data-attributes="member: 14320">Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"She frowned and said, "The postman.""Why the postman?""Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."========Guy says to his wife, “Alright you sexy thing, upstairs, now!”The wife looks at him with a smile and says “Ohhhh, you horny bastard you!”Guy reples “No seriously, hockey is starting… fuck off upstairs!”========There was a young lady of Clewer,who was riding a bike and it threw her,a man saw her there,with her legs in the air,and seized the occasion to screw her.========I went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you in any way I can.” I said, “I think my penis tastes funny…”========There once was a lass from Kilkenny,whose usual price was a penny,for half of that sum,you could finger her bum,and have money left over for Denny’s.========I went into the Shell gas station this morning and asked for five dollars worth of gas. The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?A: Both of them.Q: How can you tell if your husband might be unfaithful?A: Check and see if he has a penis.========An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. “I’m 90 years old,” he says. “90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?” “Oh, sorry…” says the old man, “How much do I owe you?”========“Get this…” said the bloke to his mates “Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. “Did he get anything?” his mates asked. “Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.”The Farter Chart .... Types Of Farters(Part 1)VAIN : One who loves the smell of his own fartAMBITIOUS : Always ready for a fartLAZY : Just fizzlesAMIABLE : Likes to smell others' fartsPROUD : Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasantSHY : Blushes when he farts silentlyIRREVERENT : Farts in churchSMART ALEC : Farts when ladies are presentCLEVER : Farts and coughs at the same timeSCIENTIFIC : Bottles his farts for later sniffingSTINGY : Belches to save his ass holeTIMID : Jumps when he fartsCONCEITED : Thinks he can fart the loudestUNFORTUNATE : Tries to fart but shits himselfFOOLISH : Suppresses a fart for hoursBEWILDERED : Can't tell his own fart from othersNERVOUS : Stops in the middle of a fartMISERABLE : Can't fart at allCONFUSED : Face is so much like an ass, fart can't tell which way to goGROUCH : Grumbles when ladies fartSNEAKY : Farts and blames it on the dogDISAPPOINTED : Fart doesn't smellCHILDISH : Farts and then gigglesFRESH GUY : Jumps in front of you and then fartsBIG BULLY : Farts louder than othersDUMB : Enjoys others' farts, thinks they are his ownCUTE : Smells your farts and then tells you what you were eatingWISE GUY : Farts and asks who shitDAMNED MEAN : Farts and then pulls the covers over his wife's headMUSICAL : Tenor or bass, clear as a bell, smells like shit and sounds like hellATHLETIC : Jumps in the air, farts 3 times, and kicks his heels 3 timesSLOB : Farts and stains his underwearIMPUDENT : Farts out loud and then laughsENVIRONMENTALIST : Farts regularly but is concerned about the pollutionHONEST : Admits he farted but offers a good medical reasonDISHONEST : Farts and then blames the dogTHRIFTY : One who always has farts in reserveANTI-SOCIAL : Excuses himself and farts in privateSTRATEGIC : Conceals his fart by loud laughterINTELLECTUAL : Analyzes the smell of his neighbors' fartWIMPY : Farts at the slightest exertionSADIST : Farts in bed, then fluffs the coversSENSITIVE : Farts and then starts cryingAQUATIC : Farts in bath, then breaks bubbles with toesMASOCHIST : Farts in the bath tub and tries to bite the bubbles</blockquote>

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