JB New Section........ Part 3.....

[ashween]

for those who r horny and have no money to satisfy ur urges.....


This guy is really horny, but all he has is two dollars. He goes to the nearest whore house and says to the man working there,

"Look, I'm really horny, but all I have is two dollars. What can I get?"

"Well, the cheapest we have is one hundred dollars. But I'll cut you a deal on two conditions. For two dollars, I'll let you go down two doors on the right, but you have to wear a black condom, and leave the lights out!"

The horny man agrees and goes two doors down on the right with the black condom on and the lights out. A while later he comes back out and says to the man working there, "Man, that was the best sex I've ever had, but why did I have to wear the black condom?"

"Well, you gotta show some respect for the dead!"

 

[ashween]

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.

 

[ashween]

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"

 

[ashween]

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

 

[ashween]

HOW THEY HAVE SEX

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.

ACTORS do it on cue.

ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.

ANSI does it in the standard way

ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.

ARCHITECTS have great plans.

ARTISTS are exhibitionists.

ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.

ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.

ATTORNEYS make better motions.

AUDITORS like to examine figures.

BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.

BAILIFFS always come to order.

BAKERS knead it daily.

BAND MEMBERS play all night.

BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.

BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.

BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.

BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.

BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.

BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.

BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.

BEER DRINKERS get more head.

BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.

BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.

BOSSES delegate the task to others.

BOWLERS have bigger balls.

BRICKLAYERS lay all day.

BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.

BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.

BUTCHERS have better meat.

C'Bers do it on the air.

CAMPERS do it in a tent.

CARPENTERS hammer it harder.

CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.

CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.

CHEMISTS like to experiment.

CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.

CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.

CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.

CLOWNS do it for laughs.

COACHES whistle while they work.

COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.

COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.

COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.

COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.

CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.

COPS have bigger guns.

COWBOYS handle anything horny.

COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.

CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.

CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.

DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.

DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.

DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.

DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.

DENTISTS do it in your mouth.

DETECTIVES do it under cover.

DIETICIANS eat better.

DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.

DIVERS do it deeper.

DOCTORS do it with patience.

DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.

DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.

DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.

ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.

ENGINEERS charge by the hour.

EXECUTIVES have large staffs.

FARMERS spread it around.

FIREMEN are always in heat.

FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.

FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.

FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.

GARBAGE MEN come once a week.

GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.

GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.

GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.

GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.

GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.

HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.

HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.

HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.

HANDYMEN like good screws.

HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.

HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.

HUNTERS do it with a bang.

INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.

INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.

INVENTORS find a way.

JANITORS clean up afterwards.

JEWELERS mount real gems.

JOGGERS do it on the run.

LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.

LAWYERS do it in their briefs.

LIBRARIANS do it quietly.

LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.

LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.

MACHINISTS make the best screws.

MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.

MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.

MANAGERS supervise others.

MARKETING REPs do it on commission.

MILKMEN deliver twice a week.

MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.

MINERS sink deeper shafts.

MINISTERS do it on Sundays.

MISSILE MEN have better thrust.

MODELS do it in any position.

MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.

MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.

MOVIE STARS do it on film.

MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.

NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.

NURSES call the shots.

OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.

OPERATORS do it person-to-person.

OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.

PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.

PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.

PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.

PILOTS keep it up longer.

PLUMBERS do it under the sink.

POLICEMEN like big busts.

POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.

POSTMEN come slower.

PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.

PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.

PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.

PROFESSORS do it by the book.

RACERS like to come in first.

RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..

RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.

REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.

RECYCLERS use it again.

REPAIRMEN can fix anything.

REPORTERS do it daily.

RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.

RETAILERS move their merchandise.

ROOFERS do it on top.

RUNNERS get into more pants.

SAILORS like to be blown.

SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.

SCIENTISTS discovered it.

SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.

SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.

SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.

SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.

SPELUNKERS do it underground.

SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.

STEWARDESSES do it in the air.

STUDENTS use their heads.

SURGEONS are smooth operators.

TAILORS make it fit.

TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.

TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.

TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.

TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.

TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.

TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.

TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.

TYPISTS do it in triplicate.

VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.

VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.

WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.

WATER SKIERS come down harder.

WELDERS have hotter rods.

WRESTLERS know the best holds.

WRITERS have novel ways.

ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.

 

[ashween]

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?" "Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?" "Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?" "And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?" "Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?" "Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

 

[ashween]

A little girl goes to see Santa Clause at the local shopping mall. When she arrives and sits down on Santa's lap Santa asks "What do you want for Christmas little girl?". "I want a Barbie and a GI Joe" says the little girl. "But Barbie comes with Ken" Santa says, "No, Barbie only 'cums' with GI Joe!"

 

[coolval]

Coolval,

That was what happened between me and Andy initially. Thought he was a nice guy, spent a lot of time explaining things to me and etc.

But when the actual work started, the horns grew on his head. Workmanship was shoddy at best. One week became one month. Promises were not kept but only broken.

The point here is this, if you CAN'T deliver, DO NOT overpromise your customers. No one forces him to do cheap BOT, no one forces him to deliver the car in a week's time. More often that not, its his ATTITUDE that needs to change.

I am surprised that he doesnt show up in the forum anymore to answer the allegations personally. Most of the time, he send his dogs to defend him.

Cheers.

I am DEAD!!! THIS guys car was promised 1 week but took 1 month.. Die loh..
My car was told 2 weeks.. so it will BEcome 2 months!!

 

[ashween]

chiowz...balik rumah liao./.....

 

[Basil Basil]

ok see u ASH chow balik rumah too..............

 

[melody]

HOW THEY HAVE SEX

SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.

sure anot???..:angel_smile:

 

[ijnek]

coolval:
i thought u had test driven ur car?

normality:
the rims...
how come now sgd500?...previously sgd300 oni leh...
sorry if i sound rude questionin ur sellin price...

 

[normality78]

wahahahah. reason? simple.

1. coz of high demand
2. coz of higher demand
3. coz plp demand even higher on me

whahahahha

 

[normality78]

wahahaha... serious one. i havent found the rim that i wanted. so i simply put high price so if got plp really keen, i dun mind selling at that price. Anyway i dun think i would sell at sgd300 as plp said i spoilt market.

 

[coolval]

Ash:
Thanks bro for the jokes,
made my screwed up day happy :)
hahah..

Ijnek:
No bro, i went this weekend and it was 80% complete..
I saw the steering column dumped in the booth and felt the new steering wheel
and played with the gear while engaging the clutch.. thats when it felt weird..
after reading what that wild seven guy said..
i'm having my doubts of collecting my car this weekend..
don't wanna call him also cause he's always busy..

*thinks of mad cows... and forgets about his baby(car) too sian liao..

 

[normality78]

i guess its a way to do business. promise you 1st, thn later only story. even later thing become ugly also nvm coz he already earn from u 1 time business liao. how many of us really spent as much as initial convert engine amount after the engine has been transplanteD?

 

[coolval]

frank:
please don't even mention the $$$ factor..
everyone will be laughing at me if they
heard how much was the labour charge..

Damn it.. I should have listened to Ken and waited..
or asked him to find a mech to do it for me..
damn sianz. going for a walk then logging of work.. ciaos..

 

[normality78]

if such a case, let me have a laugh 1st. whahahahahaha

 

[calvin9683]

frank...
dun laugh alone...
lemme join.....
wahahahahahahahahaha

val..
thinkin back...
delay might b good for u too...
so u can live longer...
ops...i did it again...
wahahahaha

but thinkin back...
if u say no need to mod wiring.....
the engine should b in at most in 2 days.....
if say ur dashboard ngam...
it should b done in 5 days.......

i see my mech there do.......
in 5 days edi dash n engine in....
n ready to b send to do wiring......
call n check if u wanna get ur car fast....
dun call if u wanna live longer...
heehee.....

frank.....
RM400 for the HID huh???
i'm active JB zth member ler.....
hahahaha....
i on tight budget ler.....
still haven settle my debt.......
no fren fren price???
anyway i oso dunno bout the market price for ur HID la....
dun tembak me ar......

ash...
how the hell can u come out wif so many superb reply ar???
always hav "hidden" meaning one...
n i'm damn sure dat u r damn freakin free in office!!!
heehee.......

 

[normality78]

calvin,
my price not so good also not so bad. whahahaha