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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4035558" data-attributes="member: 14320">You May Be A Ho If......You become a Vaseline spokesperson.Having two tampons in at the same time doesn't bother you.You go through a Sealy Bed (tm) a week.Frederick of Hollywood actually comes to your door himself...just to see where 1/2 of his orders go.You have to go across the border for a Pap Smear.Tetracycline is your best friend.McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal".It takes 2 douches and a spatula at shower time.When you've got a "Take a Number" machine at your door.When you get hemorrhoids on you shoulders.Your day starts and ends by rolling over.When the sperm bank calls for remnants.When you're wearing more latex than spandex.When your ceiling mirrors fog.When they install a revolving door at your apartment.When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door.Madonna comes to you for pointers.When he doesn't even have to buy you a drink.When you have a room key to every hotel in town.Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights.The only place you haven't had sex is on the moon.When a men's prison becomes a vacation "hot spot"When it only takes 2 licks to get to the center of a Blow Pop.When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency.-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.8. The cat is on Valium.7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates-_-_-_-_-_-_ -_-_-_-_- _-_A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant.The doctor says, "I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?"The girl thought and then asked, "Doc, if you ate a can of 'BakedBeans', would you know exactly which bean made you fart?"</blockquote>