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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3936023" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Things That Only Happen In Movies</span></strong></p><p></p><p>* Any computer system can be hacked in 60 seconds.</p><p>* Phones always ring during a break in conversation... and the call is always relevant to the scene... and there's no call-waiting.</p><p>* No one ever thinks of a better comeback to an insult the next day.</p><p>* If you meet someone and arrange to go on a date, you'll offer to pick them up tomorrow at eight, but never exchange addresses or phone numbers.</p><p>* Rogues are always lovable and endearing.</p><p>* All combat is eventually resolved hand-to-hand.</p><p>* The bad guys attack one at a time.</p><p>* Small, fast people can beat up large, strong people.</p><p>* When you punch or kick someone, they go flying across the room.</p><p>* Stalking a woman makes her fall in love with you.</p><p>* The dumbest, most annoying, most bumbling character will be a white male.</p><p>* Breaking the rules always turns out well.</p><p>* Anyone can jump a 10-foot chain-link fence with minimal effort (unless a dog is in pursuit).</p><p>* Getting thrown through a window is merely a minor annoyance. Likewise falling down stairs.</p><p>* All offices have windows.</p><p>* 95% of computers are Macs.</p><p>* Cars are always clean, even if they're old and busted.</p><p>* Pedestrians are never hit during a car chase.</p><p>* Getting shot once anywhere by any gun will knock you down.</p><p>* Old people are amazed and confused by the antics of young people.</p><p>* White people are amazed and confused by the antics of black people.</p><p>* Caves and tunnels will never be pitch black, but will always be lit by concealed, indirect lighting.</p><p>* If you turn off the lights in a room at night, lights outside a window will turn on.</p><p>* It's easy to chop off a head or limb with one blow... and to cut through armour... and to jump onto a horse while wearing armor... and to run around in armour.</p><p>* Animals are invulnerable.</p><p>* Kids are smarter than adults.</p><p>* Kids can drive cars.</p><p>* Kids can beat up adults using karate.</p><p>* Kids are always good judges of character.</p><p>* High school students are 25 years old... and still wear their backpacks on one shoulder.</p><p>* Only bad guys smoke (these days).</p><p>* Ugly people are just beautiful people with dumpy clothes and bad haircuts.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@</span></strong> </p><p></p><p>A man walks into his doctors. The doctor asks the man why he is there.</p><p>He</p><p>replies, "It's my penis, I would like you to take a look at it."</p><p></p><p>The doctor says, "Very well then, if you get up onto the bed and get it</p><p>out I'll have a look for you."</p><p></p><p>The man jumps up onto the bed and produces a 12-incher from his</p><p>underpants. After about five minutes examining it, the bemused doctor</p><p>says, "I have to say, I can't see anything wrong with it."</p><p></p><p>To which the man replies, "I know, it's a fucking beauty, eh?!"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3936023, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Things That Only Happen In Movies[/COLOR][/B] * Any computer system can be hacked in 60 seconds. * Phones always ring during a break in conversation... and the call is always relevant to the scene... and there's no call-waiting. * No one ever thinks of a better comeback to an insult the next day. * If you meet someone and arrange to go on a date, you'll offer to pick them up tomorrow at eight, but never exchange addresses or phone numbers. * Rogues are always lovable and endearing. * All combat is eventually resolved hand-to-hand. * The bad guys attack one at a time. * Small, fast people can beat up large, strong people. * When you punch or kick someone, they go flying across the room. * Stalking a woman makes her fall in love with you. * The dumbest, most annoying, most bumbling character will be a white male. * Breaking the rules always turns out well. * Anyone can jump a 10-foot chain-link fence with minimal effort (unless a dog is in pursuit). * Getting thrown through a window is merely a minor annoyance. Likewise falling down stairs. * All offices have windows. * 95% of computers are Macs. * Cars are always clean, even if they're old and busted. * Pedestrians are never hit during a car chase. * Getting shot once anywhere by any gun will knock you down. * Old people are amazed and confused by the antics of young people. * White people are amazed and confused by the antics of black people. * Caves and tunnels will never be pitch black, but will always be lit by concealed, indirect lighting. * If you turn off the lights in a room at night, lights outside a window will turn on. * It's easy to chop off a head or limb with one blow... and to cut through armour... and to jump onto a horse while wearing armor... and to run around in armour. * Animals are invulnerable. * Kids are smarter than adults. * Kids can drive cars. * Kids can beat up adults using karate. * Kids are always good judges of character. * High school students are 25 years old... and still wear their backpacks on one shoulder. * Only bad guys smoke (these days). * Ugly people are just beautiful people with dumpy clothes and bad haircuts. [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@[/COLOR][/B] A man walks into his doctors. The doctor asks the man why he is there. He replies, "It's my penis, I would like you to take a look at it." The doctor says, "Very well then, if you get up onto the bed and get it out I'll have a look for you." The man jumps up onto the bed and produces a 12-incher from his underpants. After about five minutes examining it, the bemused doctor says, "I have to say, I can't see anything wrong with it." To which the man replies, "I know, it's a fucking beauty, eh?!" [/QUOTE]
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