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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3936023" data-attributes="member: 14320">Things That Only Happen In Movies* Any computer system can be hacked in 60 seconds.* Phones always ring during a break in conversation... and the call is always relevant to the scene... and there's no call-waiting.* No one ever thinks of a better comeback to an insult the next day.* If you meet someone and arrange to go on a date, you'll offer to pick them up tomorrow at eight, but never exchange addresses or phone numbers.* Rogues are always lovable and endearing.* All combat is eventually resolved hand-to-hand.* The bad guys attack one at a time.* Small, fast people can beat up large, strong people.* When you punch or kick someone, they go flying across the room.* Stalking a woman makes her fall in love with you.* The dumbest, most annoying, most bumbling character will be a white male.* Breaking the rules always turns out well.* Anyone can jump a 10-foot chain-link fence with minimal effort (unless a dog is in pursuit).* Getting thrown through a window is merely a minor annoyance. Likewise falling down stairs.* All offices have windows.* 95% of computers are Macs.* Cars are always clean, even if they're old and busted.* Pedestrians are never hit during a car chase.* Getting shot once anywhere by any gun will knock you down.* Old people are amazed and confused by the antics of young people.* White people are amazed and confused by the antics of black people.* Caves and tunnels will never be pitch black, but will always be lit by concealed, indirect lighting.* If you turn off the lights in a room at night, lights outside a window will turn on.* It's easy to chop off a head or limb with one blow... and to cut through armour... and to jump onto a horse while wearing armor... and to run around in armour.* Animals are invulnerable.* Kids are smarter than adults.* Kids can drive cars.* Kids can beat up adults using karate.* Kids are always good judges of character.* High school students are 25 years old... and still wear their backpacks on one shoulder.* Only bad guys smoke (these days).* Ugly people are just beautiful people with dumpy clothes and bad haircuts.@@@ A man walks into his doctors. The doctor asks the man why he is there.Hereplies, "It's my penis, I would like you to take a look at it."The doctor says, "Very well then, if you get up onto the bed and get itout I'll have a look for you."The man jumps up onto the bed and produces a 12-incher from hisunderpants. After about five minutes examining it, the bemused doctorsays, "I have to say, I can't see anything wrong with it."To which the man replies, "I know, it's a fucking beauty, eh?!"</blockquote>

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