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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3549396" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Eye-Talian</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses? Italians hate all witnesses.</p><p></p><p>Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony? On the boat over to</p><p>America they put a sticker on them that said TO NY.</p><p></p><p>You know you're Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325 pounds,</p><p>shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.</p><p></p><p>You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two</p><p>cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular</p><p>lunch bag.</p><p></p><p>Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer</p><p>are all your cousins.</p><p></p><p>You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five</p><p>of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.</p><p></p><p>You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.</p><p></p><p>You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.</p><p></p><p>If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his Mother</p><p>had an affair.</p><p></p><p>There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.</p><p></p><p>You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.</p><p></p><p>And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when . . . .</p><p></p><p>Your grandfather had a fig tree.</p><p></p><p>You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.</p><p></p><p>Christmas Eve . . . only fish.</p><p></p><p>Your mom's meatballs are the best.</p><p></p><p>You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.</p><p></p><p>Plastic on the furniture is normal.</p><p></p><p>You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."</p><p></p><p>You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."</p><p></p><p>You've called someone a "mamaluke."</p><p></p><p>And you understand "bada bing".</p><p></p><p>What do you call a pimple on an Italian?</p><p>A grease fitting.</p><p></p><p>Why don't Italians have freckles?</p><p>They all slide off.</p><p></p><p>How do you brainwash an Italian?</p><p>Give him an enema.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~~~~~~</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot?</p><p>A. Do you think they could fit all that shit in a tennis shoe?</p><p></p><p>Q. How does an Italian get into an honest business?</p><p>A. Usually through the skylight.</p><p></p><p>Q. How do Italian girls shave their legs?</p><p>A. They lie down outside and have someone mow them.</p><p></p><p>Q. What do you get when you cross an Italian and a Pollack?</p><p>A. A guy who makes you an offer you can t understand.</p><p></p><p>Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be?</p><p>A. The least hairy of the three.</p><p></p><p>Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid?</p><p>A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil.?</p><p></p><p>Q. What s an innuendo?</p><p>A. An Italian suppository.</p><p></p><p>Q. Why do Italian men have mustaches?</p><p>A. So they can look like their mothers.</p><p></p><p>What do you call a pimple on an Italian?</p><p>A grease fitting.Why did the Italian staple his nuts together?</p><p>"If you can't lick 'em, join 'em"</p><p></p><p>Q. How does an Italian count his goats?</p><p>A. He just counts the legs, and divides by four.</p><p></p><p>Q. Why is Italian bread so long?</p><p>A. So they can dip it into the sewer.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3549396, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Eye-Talian[/COLOR][/B] Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses? Italians hate all witnesses. Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony? On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said TO NY. You know you're Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you. You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag. Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins. You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother. You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners. You only get one good shave from a disposable razor. If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair. There are more than 28 people in your bridal party. You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion. And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when . . . . Your grandfather had a fig tree. You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00. Christmas Eve . . . only fish. Your mom's meatballs are the best. You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you. Plastic on the furniture is normal. You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella." You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy." You've called someone a "mamaluke." And you understand "bada bing". What do you call a pimple on an Italian? A grease fitting. Why don't Italians have freckles? They all slide off. How do you brainwash an Italian? Give him an enema. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~~~~~~[/COLOR][/B] Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot? A. Do you think they could fit all that shit in a tennis shoe? Q. How does an Italian get into an honest business? A. Usually through the skylight. Q. How do Italian girls shave their legs? A. They lie down outside and have someone mow them. Q. What do you get when you cross an Italian and a Pollack? A. A guy who makes you an offer you can t understand. Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be? A. The least hairy of the three. Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid? A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil.? Q. What s an innuendo? A. An Italian suppository. Q. Why do Italian men have mustaches? A. So they can look like their mothers. What do you call a pimple on an Italian? A grease fitting.Why did the Italian staple his nuts together? "If you can't lick 'em, join 'em" Q. How does an Italian count his goats? A. He just counts the legs, and divides by four. Q. Why is Italian bread so long? A. So they can dip it into the sewer. [/QUOTE]
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