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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3177944" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong>The New Psychiatric Hotline</strong></p><p></p><p>If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the</p><p>mother ship.</p><p></p><p>If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.</p><p></p><p>If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a</p><p>representative comes on the line.</p><p></p><p>If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,</p><p>date of birth, national insurance number and your mother's maiden name.</p><p></p><p>If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press</p><p>000.</p><p></p><p>If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or</p><p>before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.</p><p></p><p>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.</p><p>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.</p><p>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.</p><p>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.</p><p></p><p>If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too</p><p>busy to talk to you.</p><p></p><p>A recently heard recorded message:</p><p>"Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are Obsessive-</p><p>Compulsive, please press one repeatedly.</p><p></p><p>If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press two.</p><p></p><p>If you have multiple personalities, please press three, four, five</p><p>and six.</p><p></p><p>If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.</p><p>Stay on the line until we can trace the call.</p><p></p><p>If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell</p><p>you what number to press.</p><p></p><p>If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.</p><p>No one will answer."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3177944, member: 14320"] [B]The New Psychiatric Hotline[/B] If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, national insurance number and your mother's maiden name. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you. A recently heard recorded message: "Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are Obsessive- Compulsive, please press one repeatedly. If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press two. If you have multiple personalities, please press three, four, five and six. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer." [/QUOTE]
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