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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064623249" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p>Idiots Guide To Sex</p><p></p><p></p><p>If she wants to do it French, Russian or Greek, it doesn't mean you have to go to Berlitz and learn the language.</p><p></p><p>Faster, Harder, Deeper" is not the motto of the Olympics.</p><p></p><p>A Fallopian tube is not part of a TV set.</p><p></p><p>Membership of the Mile-High Club is void if you apply by yourself.</p><p></p><p>A clitoris is not something you order from a florist.</p><p></p><p>Contrary to popular belief, Grape Nuts is not a venereal disease</p><p></p><p>If it doesn't make you smile: you AIN'T DOIN' IT RIGHT!</p><p></p><p>When she comes down wearing her most expensive body-stocking and asks you to come to bed, don't say you first want to check your e-mail.</p><p></p><p>=====</p><p></p><p>I woke up early one morning.</p><p>The earth lay cool and still.</p><p>When suddenly a tiny bird perched on my window sill.</p><p>He sang a song so lovely so carefree and so gay</p><p>that slowly all my troubles began to slip away.</p><p>He sang of far off places of happiness and fun</p><p>It seemed his very trilling brought up the morning sun.</p><p>I stirred beneath the covers crept slowly out of bed</p><p>then gently shut the window and crushed his fucking head.</p><p>I'm not a morning person!</p><p></p><p>=====</p><p></p><p>I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.</p><p></p><p>She said I have to stop wanking, I said "Why?"</p><p></p><p>She said "Because I'm trying to examine you!"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064623249, member: 14320"] Idiots Guide To Sex If she wants to do it French, Russian or Greek, it doesn't mean you have to go to Berlitz and learn the language. Faster, Harder, Deeper" is not the motto of the Olympics. A Fallopian tube is not part of a TV set. Membership of the Mile-High Club is void if you apply by yourself. A clitoris is not something you order from a florist. Contrary to popular belief, Grape Nuts is not a venereal disease If it doesn't make you smile: you AIN'T DOIN' IT RIGHT! When she comes down wearing her most expensive body-stocking and asks you to come to bed, don't say you first want to check your e-mail. ===== I woke up early one morning. The earth lay cool and still. When suddenly a tiny bird perched on my window sill. He sang a song so lovely so carefree and so gay that slowly all my troubles began to slip away. He sang of far off places of happiness and fun It seemed his very trilling brought up the morning sun. I stirred beneath the covers crept slowly out of bed then gently shut the window and crushed his fucking head. I'm not a morning person! ===== I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I have to stop wanking, I said "Why?" She said "Because I'm trying to examine you!" [/QUOTE]
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