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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064286673" data-attributes="member: 14320">A teenage boy is taken to his girlfriends home to meet her parents for the first time.The mother of the girl hands him a piece of cake. They all sit there in silence wondering what to say, when the family dog walks in, sits down, and proceeds to lick its balls.To break the ice, the boy looks at the girls Father and says, "I wish I could do that!"The Father looks at the boy and says, "give it a piece of your cake, and it might let you!"*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸, *¤º°`°º¤* ,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*Doctor", the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't getit up for my wife anymore."Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I cando."The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off yourclothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Liedown please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on."The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said."Your wife didn't give me an erection either."*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸, *¤º°`°º¤* ,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*Young Amy likes lifting her dress,And removing her panties to pressIn a manner obscene'Gainst the washing machineTo relieve all her work-a-day stress.Payback's a bitchTwo high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together.As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's cock and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.He wrote on the back of the photo the following, "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and mailed the picture to her parents.=====A woman wants to surprise her husband for their 25th anniversary. She decides to go out buy some sexy lingerie. She picks up some crotch less panties and a new bra.When the hubby gets home from work she's sprawled out on the bed wearing her new lingerie. In her sexiest voice she says "do you want some of this, big boy?” Slightly frightened, the man exclaims "hell no, look what it did to your panties!"=====A salesman knocks on a house door. Little Johnny answers the door, dressed in a pair of underpants, huge joint in one hand and a can of beer in the other."Hello little boy, is your Mummy or Daddy in?""What the fuck do you think?"Perks Of Being Over Fifty1) Kidnappers are not very interested in you.2) In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.3) No one expects you to run into a burning building.4) People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"5) People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.6) There's nothing left to learn the hard way.7) Things you buy now won't wear out.8) You can live without sex but not without glasses.9) You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.10) You get into a heated argument about pension plans.11) You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.12) You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.13) You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.14) You sing along with the elevator music.15) Your eyes won't get much worse.16) Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off, and that bundle you've spent on life insurance is starting to look smart, too.17) Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guys with the Live Doppler 10,000.18) Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.19) Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.20) A thirty year mortgage sounds like a pretty clever scam.21) You won't remember who sent you this list.</blockquote>

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