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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064263320" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">He Said.....She Said</span></strong></p><p></p><p>He said... Want a quickie?</p><p>She said...As opposed to what?</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put</p><p>in it.</p><p>She said...You wear briefs, don't you?</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?</p><p>She said...Not at all honey, I'd love you no matter who left you the</p><p>money.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?</p><p>He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to</p><p>you in the worst way.</p><p>She said...Well, you succeeded.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>He said... 'If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then</p><p>we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house,</p><p>we could fire the maid as well.'</p><p>She said...'Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we</p><p>could do without the gardener too'</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king'</p><p>She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be a queen'</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>On wall in ladies room: 'My husband follows me everywhere'</p><p>Written just below it: 'I do not'</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave</p><p>you?</p><p>She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.</p><p>She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway</p><p>light on.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?</p><p>She said...I would, but you're never there.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>He said... Every time women look at me, they can't help thinking</p><p>of sex.</p><p>She said...Yeah, 'cause you look like a prick.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p>He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?"</p><p>She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board</p><p>while I sit on the sofa and fart."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">+++++</span></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Ok, it's official. I'm getting old.</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The other day I was walking back to my car from the grocery store.</p><p>Coming into the store was this smoking hot 19, maybe 20 year old,</p><p>blonde. God, she was hot.</p><p></p><p>My thought? "I wonder what her mother looks like.</p><p></p><p></p><p>What is the definition of a smart ass?</p><p>Someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">********</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">********</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Confucius say:</p><p>"Man with hand in pocket all day not crazy, just feeling nuts"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">********</span></strong></p><p></p><p>What did George Washington and Thomas Jefferson have in common?</p><p>They were the last two white people to have those names.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">********</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant</p><p>A. Marry it.</p><p></p><p>Q. How do you teach a blond math?</p><p>A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">********</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Do you know what Rodeo Sex is?</p><p>It's when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was better than you...", and try to hold on for 8 seconds!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">********</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the bunny and says "Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur"? The bunny says "No". So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064263320, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]He Said.....She Said[/COLOR][/B] He said... Want a quickie? She said...As opposed to what? [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said...You wear briefs, don't you? [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? She said...Not at all honey, I'd love you no matter who left you the money. [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money. [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She said...Well, you succeeded. [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] He said... 'If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well.' She said...'Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we could do without the gardener too' [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king' She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be a queen' [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] On wall in ladies room: 'My husband follows me everywhere' Written just below it: 'I do not' [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror. [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight. She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said...I would, but you're never there. [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] He said... Every time women look at me, they can't help thinking of sex. She said...Yeah, 'cause you look like a prick. [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?" She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart." [B][COLOR="Red"]+++++[/COLOR] [COLOR="Teal"]Ok, it's official. I'm getting old.[/COLOR][/B] The other day I was walking back to my car from the grocery store. Coming into the store was this smoking hot 19, maybe 20 year old, blonde. God, she was hot. My thought? "I wonder what her mother looks like. What is the definition of a smart ass? Someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is. [B][COLOR="Red"]********[/COLOR][/B] Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse. [B][COLOR="Red"]********[/COLOR][/B] Confucius say: "Man with hand in pocket all day not crazy, just feeling nuts" [B][COLOR="Red"]********[/COLOR][/B] What did George Washington and Thomas Jefferson have in common? They were the last two white people to have those names. [B][COLOR="Red"]********[/COLOR][/B] Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant A. Marry it. Q. How do you teach a blond math? A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her. [B][COLOR="Red"]********[/COLOR][/B] Do you know what Rodeo Sex is? It's when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was better than you...", and try to hold on for 8 seconds! [B][COLOR="Red"]********[/COLOR][/B] A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the bunny and says "Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur"? The bunny says "No". So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass. [/QUOTE]
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