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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064212283" data-attributes="member: 14320">Santa's Response To Little Johnny's After Christmas LetterDear Johnny,I know WHO you are,and I KNOW where you live.You little shit!You can't talk to SANTAlike that and get away with it!If you don't like the yo-yo, which is a classic toy,by the way, then you can justcram it up your little *$$!As for the whistle you didn't care for --I gotcha whistle right here!!!Come blow on this!And the socks...well, I figuredyou are big enough tobe whacking off, and those soxwould have come in handy and beenhandy to ... well, even you should get the picture!And... that little "faggot" across the street,you'll be happy to know that he's alreadygot pubic hair and his wang isTWICE as long as yours.Besides, his parents think YOU're the fag --always moanin' and whinin'.Don't worry about gathering up rocksfor my visit to your house next year,'cause I ain't coming downyour chimney ever again.If you find any pennies this year,you had better stop and pickthem up, 'cause that's about allyou're going to get for Christmas.Your mom and dad are goingto be killed in a car crash,and you'll be stuck in anorphanage before Thanksgiving.Bad? You want BAD? I'll show you who's bad!Affectionally, Adieu,SantaSigns Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid..10. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, Dream on,Bucko!9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes.8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping andhandling.7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing.6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in hisbed.5. Instead of Naughty or Nice, Santa has him on the dork list.4. Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee.3. First words when kid gets on his lap are, Touch my beard and I'llput the hurt on you.2. Labels on all your kid's toys read Straight from Craptown.1. Four words: Off my lap, Tubby!Christmas Ball WarmersThree blondes are sitting in a café, talking about what to get theirboyfriends for Christmas."It's funny," said Samantha. "Peter's balls are always cold as ice whenI'm sucking his cock! I think I should get him some ball warmers forChristmas.""You know what?" replied Jenny. "It's exactly the same with my Richard!"They turn to the third blonde, Candi, and asked, "When you blow Chris,are his balls cold, too?""Ugh! That's disgusting! I never put Chris's thing in my mouth!"exclaimed Candi."You're crazy," Samantha piped up. "A good blowjob is the best way tokeep a guy! You should try it! It would make a great Christmas gift forChris!"Candi says she'll think about it. The next time they meet at the café itis Boxing Day and Candi is sporting a wicked shiner."Whoa!" the Jenny asked. "How did you get that black eye?!""Chris hit me when I was blowing him," Candi said."What on earth for?!" the Jenny asked."I don't know," Candi replied. "I was giving him his Christmas presentlike you two suggested. I mentioned how strange it was that his ballswere so warm, when Pete and Richard's were so cold, and he punched me!"Santa’s Pickup Lines*^* Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?*^* Wanna see my 12-inch elf?*^* I`ve got something special in the sack for you!*^* Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?*^* I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the smalltalk, sister!*^* Some of my best toys run on batteries.*^* Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs.calls it)*^* I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear,do you?*^* Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list!*^* Wanna join the "Mile High" club?</blockquote>

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