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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064182091" data-attributes="member: 14320">Fart Your Guts OutThere's this old married couple that's happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage is caused by the husband's habit of farting nearly every morning when he wakes up. He farts so strong that he shakes the rafters and wakes his wife up with a start. The stench makes her eyes water as she chokes and gasps for air.Nearly every morning she pleads with him to stop ripping one in the morning."Please, honey, see a doctor!" she exclaims every time. "It's not normal!""Oh, there's nothing wrong with me.""I'm telling you, one of these days you're going to fart your guts out!""That's ridiculous."Over and over again they have this same argument and she warns him time and time again that he's going to "fart his guts out" and he ignores her.Then, one Thanksgiving morning the wife gets up early and goes downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixes pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey. While she's taking out the turkey's innards, she gets a mischievous idea. She sneaks back upstairs with the turkey guts and tucks them into her sleeping husband's underwear, then tiptoes out of the room.A little bit later she hears her husband awake with his normal loud ass-trumpeting. This is soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband runs to the upstairs bathroom. The wife cracks up laughing.About twenty minutes later, her husband comes downstairs in his blood stained underpants, his face white as a sheet. "Honey," he says, "you were right. All those years you warned me and I wouldn't listen to you.""What do you mean?""Well, you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got'em all back in!"***************Buckwheat and Darla are in school. The teacher asks Darla, "How do you spell "dumb"?Darla says, "D-u-m-b, dumb."The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."Darla says, "Buckwheat is dumb."The teacher says, "Now, spell "stupid". Darla says, "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid."The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence." Darla says "Buckwheat is stupid."Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."Buckwheat stands and says,"D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."Buckwheat says, "I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good."Not In The MoodA man woke up the one morning feeling horny, and asked his wifefor a fuck, but she said she wasn't in the mood.So he got up, got dressed, and went downstairs and cooked breakfastfor them both.He ate his, and then took hers up to the bedroom so she could havebreakfast in bed.He was still feeling horny, and so, after she'd finished herbreakfast,he asked again for a fuck.She said she was still not in the mood.So he decided to go out to the newsagent and buy that day'snewspaper.When he got back he found her still in bed, but naked with her armsand legstied up to the bedpost.So, thinking that she'd changed her mind, and fancied some bondagefun,he got undressed again, and proceeded to climb into bed for someaction.She asked him what did he think he was doing, and he told her thatas she was tied up, he thought she'd changed her mind.She said "You stupid bastard! - While you were out two guys broke inthe house!"He replied, "Oh no, did they get anything?'"Did they get anything, hell yes, asshole, they got something. Whydo you think I am naked with a pussy full of cum?"BBBBBBB"Nice threads, man," commented Donald when his buddy showed up oneday in a snappy new suit. "Where'd you pick 'em up?"Richard beamed. "My wife got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?""I'll say. What was the occasion?""Got me," admitted Richard with a cheerful shrug. "I came home fromwork early the other day and there they were, hanging over the chairin the bedroom."</blockquote>

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