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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064087275" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">An Escaped Convict</span></strong></p><p></p><p>An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had</p><p>spent years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run,</p><p>he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had</p><p>been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on</p><p>one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the</p><p>bed right over the woman, and it appeared that he was kissing</p><p>her neck.</p><p></p><p>Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible</p><p>the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his</p><p>chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a</p><p>woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he</p><p>left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If</p><p>he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and</p><p>pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make</p><p>him mad. Our lives depend on it. Be strong and I love you."</p><p></p><p>After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife</p><p>says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right,</p><p>he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my</p><p>neck... He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks</p><p>you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the</p><p>bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too."</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Perks Of Being Over 50 ...</span></strong></p><p></p><p>You can live without sex but not without glasses</p><p>You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.</p><p>You get into a heated argument about pension plans.</p><p>You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.</p><p>You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who</p><p>walks into the room.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Men Suck</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?</p><p>- Women working at 900 numbers.</p><p>Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?</p><p>- In the pages of a romance novel.</p><p>What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?</p><p>- Exchange him.</p><p>Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?</p><p>- No phone numbers.</p><p>Why do men like smart women?</p><p>- Opposites attract.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">_____________</span></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Compliment her</p><p>cuddle her</p><p>kiss her</p><p>caress her</p><p>love her</p><p>stroke her</p><p>tease her</p><p>comfort her</p><p>protect her</p><p>hug her</p><p>hold her</p><p>spend money on her</p><p>wine & dine her</p><p>buy things for her</p><p>listen to her</p><p>care for her</p><p>stand by her</p><p>support her</p><p>go to the ends of the earth for her....</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Show up naked.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">____________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you.....</p><p>If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment. </p><p>Don't you think it's worth the extra effort?</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">_____________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.</p><p>"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."</p><p>"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">_______________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."</p><p>"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said.</p><p>"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">___________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"</p><p>"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.</p><p>"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064087275, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]An Escaped Convict[/COLOR][/B] An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared that he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it. Be strong and I love you." After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck... He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too." [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Perks Of Being Over 50 ...[/COLOR][/B] You can live without sex but not without glasses You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. You get into a heated argument about pension plans. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. [B][COLOR="Teal"]Men Suck[/COLOR][/B] Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? - Women working at 900 numbers. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner? - In the pages of a romance novel. What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift? - Exchange him. Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men? - No phone numbers. Why do men like smart women? - Opposites attract. [B][COLOR="Red"]_____________[/COLOR] [COLOR="Teal"]HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:[/COLOR][/B] Compliment her cuddle her kiss her caress her love her stroke her tease her comfort her protect her hug her hold her spend money on her wine & dine her buy things for her listen to her care for her stand by her support her go to the ends of the earth for her.... [B][COLOR="Teal"]HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:[/COLOR][/B] Show up naked. [B][COLOR="Red"]____________[/COLOR][/B] I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you..... If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment. Don't you think it's worth the extra effort? [B][COLOR="Red"]_____________[/COLOR][/B] A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover." "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too." [B][COLOR="Red"]_______________[/COLOR][/B] "Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." [B][COLOR="Red"]___________[/COLOR][/B] A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob. "Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade." [/QUOTE]
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