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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064042005" data-attributes="member: 14320">The Little GuySo there’s a little guy sitting at a bar…when a much larger, muscular guy walks in who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. The big guy sits down next to the little guy and orders a beer, after a bit the big guy jumps up and completely out of nowhere punches the little guy, knocking him to the floor. "That's boxing, from Las Vegas."The little guy picks himself up off the floor, dusts himself off, gets back on his stool and just quietly goes back to his drink. The big guy also sits back down, but after a few minutes he gets back up and kicks the little guy who slides all the way to the end of the bar. "That's karate, from Japan."Again, the little fellow just quietly gets up, goes back to his seat, and resumes drinking. A few more minutes go by and the big fella gets up a third time, grabs the little dude, and throws him right into the door of the bar. "That's kung fu, from China."This time, however, the little guy gets up and just walks out. After some time he walks back in, right up behind the big guy, and cracks him over the head, laying him unconscious in the floor. The little guy looks at the bartender and says "You tell that sonofabitch when he wakes up that that was crowbar, from Sears and Roebuck."A guy walks into a pharmacy storeand goes up to the counter and asks the lady at the register where he can find the tampons at. "Aisle 7" she replies. He returns ten minutes later with some string, a roll of scotch tape, and a bag of cotton balls. The lady at the register goes "what in the heck, i thought you were getting tampons?" The man replies, "I was going to until I remembered that i sent my wife out for cigarettes last week and she came home with rolling papers and a bag of tobacco saying it was cheaper to do it myself."I always wondered why a Frisbee looks like it gets bigger & bigger the closer it comes to you..and then it hit me.A man is stranded on a deserted islandA man is stranded on a deserted island for 10 years. One day, a gorgeous blond woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear arrives on the island. She comes up to the man and says, “How long has it been since you had a cigarette?”“Ten years!” he answers. She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Man, oh man! Is that ever good!”Then she asks, “How long has it been since you had a whiskey?”He replies, “Ten years!” She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a bottle of malt whiskey and gives it to him. He takes a long swallow and says, “Wow, that is fantastic!”Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you had some real fun?”And the man replies, “My God! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there!”Whats the difference between messing around with a girl in a canoe, and Bud-Light?Nothing! they are both fucking close to water.BoatingAn old man and his wife go boating on the river one day. Whenthey reach a fork in the river, the man asks his wife "Up or down".His wife immediately takes off all her clothes and they spendthe rest of the afternoon making love in the boat.The next week they again go boating on the river. When theyreach the fork in the river, the man again asks his wife"Up or down". But this time she merely answers "Down".Puzzled, the man asks her why she took off all her clothes andmade love to him when he asked her the same question before.She replies that last week she wasn't wearing her hearingaid and thought he said "fuck or drown".***Q: How are airplanes and women alike?A: They both have cockpits!Q. What Do You Call A Woman Who Knows Where Her Husband IsEvery Night?A. A Widow.Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and agrocery bag?A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children toplay with...the other is used to carry groceries.Q. If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would bethe prostitute?A. The one that's labeled "IDAHO"</blockquote>

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