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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063957281" data-attributes="member: 14320">HOW DO YOU REALLY "SCORE" WITH WOMEN?(Very long but a good laugh)In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes &points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something sheexpects - sorry, that's the way the game is played.Simple Duties-------------You make sure there's plenty of gas in the car.................... +1You make sure there are barely enough fumesin the car to make it to the nearest gas station.............. -1You take out the recyclables and stack them neatly by the curb.... +1You take out the recyclables at 4:30 pm, just as the truckpulls away.................................................... -1You load the dishwasher whenever you dirty a dish................. +1You leave them under the bed...................................... -5You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty linerswith wings.................................................... +5But return with beer.............................................. -5You leave the toilet seat up...................................... -1You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty................. 0When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex....... -1When the Kleenex runs out, you shuffle slowlyto the next bathroom......................................... -2You make the bed.................................................. +1You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows........ 0You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets....................... -1You check out a suspicious noise at night......................... 0You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing................. 0You check out a suspicious noise and it's something............... +5You pummel it with a six iron..................................... +10It's her father................................................... -10Social Engagements------------------You stay by her side the entire party............................. 0You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with acollege drinking buddy........................................ -2Named Tiffany..................................................... -4Tiffany is a dancer............................................... -6Tiffany has implants.............................................. -8When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gazeat her lovingly.............................................. +1When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain"and pat her on the rump...................................... -5When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you ifyou think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere nearas attractive as you"........................................ +1When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she'sattractive, you say, "Yeah, but don't worry, she's lousyin bed"...................................................... -6That woman is her sister.......................................... -90You have one drink, and that's it................................. 0You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle...... -2You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted.... -18Things Of A Disgusting Nature-----------------------------You unclog a stopped-up toilet.................................... +6You clean up cat, dog or human vomit.............................. +7You get rid of a dead rodent...................................... +8You remove the collie from the thresher........................... +12You take her mother to see Cats................................... +16Saturday Afternoon------------------You go to the mall together....................................... +3You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, thenpark the car.................................................. +4You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then driveto a sports bar............................................... -2You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it... +3You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional.. 0You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk............. +3Most of it chips and beer......................................... -6You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den.... +15Or refinishing the floors......................................... +16Or rewiring the basement.......................................... +17Or adding a second floor.......................................... +18Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket...... -6And you're tickled pink about it.................................. -15You visit her parents............................................. +1You visit her parents and actually make conversation.............. +3You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television........ -3And the television is off......................................... -6You spend the afternoon watching football in your underwear....... -6And you didn't even go to college................................. -10And it's not your underwear....................................... -15Her Birthday------------You take her out to dinner........................................ 0You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.............. +1Okay, it is a sports bar.......................................... -2And it's all-you-can-eat night.................................... -3It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face ispainted the colors of your favorite team..................... -10You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player...... +3You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get upand sing...................................................... +4And you stink..................................................... +2And you're not half bad........................................... +5You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted outto much applause.............................................. -2You give her a gift............................................... 0You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance................... -10You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance............... +1You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate....................... +2You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months.......... +30You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day........ -10With her credit card.............................................. -30And whatever you bought is two sizes too big...................... -40Thoughtfulness--------------You forget her birthday completely................................ -10You forget your anniversary....................................... -20You forget to pick her up at the bus station...................... -25Which is in Newark, New Jersey.................................... -35And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast....................... -50A Night Out With The Boys-------------------------Go out with a pal................................................. -5And the pal is happily married.................................... -4Or frighteningly single........................................... -7And he drives a Trans Am.......................................... -10With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)..................... -15You have a few beers.............................................. -9And miss curfew by an hour........................................ -12You get home at 3 am.............................................. -20You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars........... -30And not wearing any pants......................................... -40Is that a tattoo???...............................................-200Tattoo says "O'Farrell's - Been There, Done That!"................-500Her Night Out-------------You watch the kids while she goes out with her annoying workfriends....................................................... +5She goes out with her annoying work friends,and she comes homelate.......................................................... +10You wait up....................................................... +15She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed... +20She comes home late and drunk, and you gently put her to bed,but not before she pukes in the bathroom...................... +25Which you clean up................................................ +35A Night At Home---------------You watch TV together............................................. 0You rent a movie.................................................. +1You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY..................... +3It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout............ +5It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep...................... -1It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool............ -2A Night Out-----------You take her to a movie........................................... +2You take her to a movie she likes................................. +4You take her to a movie you hate (anything with Barbara Streisand) +6You take her to a movie you like.................................. -2It's called DeathCop 3............................................ -7Which features cyborgs having sex................................. -9You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans andsheepdogs..................................................... -15Flowers-------You buy her flowers only when it's expected....................... 0You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it........ +5You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself.......... +10And she contracts Lyme disease.................................... -25Your Physique-------------You develop a noticeable potbelly................................. -15You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.............. +10You develop a potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggyHawaiian shirts............................................... -5Grooming--------You trim your nails............................................... +5You trim your nails in the living room............................ -10You trim your nails and flick them at the cat..................... -15You shave on the weekends......................................... +2You don't shave on the weekends................................... -4You don't bathe on the weekends either............................ -8But then, neither does she........................................ +8Finances--------You spend a lot of money on something impractical................. -5Something she can't use........................................... -10Such as a motorized model airplane................................ -20And your kid needs braces......................................... -30In fact, all four of the kids need braces.........................-120Driving-------You lose the directions on a trip................................. -4You lose the direction and end up getting lost.................... -10You end up getting lost in a bad part of town..................... -15You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up closeand personal.................................................. -25She finds out you lied about having a black belt.................. -60The Big Question----------------She asks, "Do I look fat?"........................................ -5(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)You hesitate in responding........................................ -10You reply, "Where?"............................................... -25Communication-------------When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displayingwhat looks like a concerned expression....................... 0When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes........... +5You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the TV.... +10She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep................. -10</blockquote>

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