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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063828040" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Why Santa Can't Possibly Be A Man</span></strong></p><p></p><p>a. Men can't pack a bag</p><p>b. Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.</p><p>c. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen</p><p>with all those elves</p><p>d. Men don't answer their mail</p><p>e. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in</p><p>just as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly"</p><p>f. Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them</p><p>g. Having to do the Ho-Ho-Ho thing would seriously inhibit their</p><p>ability to pick up women</p><p>h. Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.</p><p></p><p>Roses are Redish, Violets are Bluesh.</p><p>If it wasn't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish.</p><p></p><p>Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down?</p><p>He was waiting for the snow blower!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Top 10 Signs Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid</span></strong></p><p></p><p>10. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"</p><p></p><p>9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes.</p><p></p><p>8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and</p><p>handling.</p><p></p><p>7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are styrofoam</p><p>peanuts.</p><p></p><p>6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.</p><p></p><p>5. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the dork list.</p><p></p><p>4. Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee.</p><p></p><p>3. First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard</p><p>and I'll put the hurt on you."</p><p></p><p>2. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown."</p><p></p><p>1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!" </p><p></p><p></p><p>Father Christmas was in the Grotto, when after days of young children</p><p>filing past, he was confronted by a lovely looking eighteen year old</p><p>girl.</p><p></p><p>She sits herself down on Santa's knee and he asks her what she wants for</p><p>Christmas. She says, "Well Santa, I've got no pubic hairs on my pussy,</p><p>and I wondered if you could get me some for Christmas?"</p><p></p><p>Santa replies, "Well I don't know, if I can get you Pubic hairs on your</p><p>Pussy, will white whiskers do?"</p><p>~~~~~</p><p>That wily old pervert St. Nick</p><p>Made good use of the curve to his dick.</p><p>He glazed the whole shaft</p><p>Painted stripes, then he laughed</p><p>As he offered young ladies a lick.</p><p></p><p>The night started with hot sexual talk,</p><p>As they screwed they lost track of the clock.</p><p>Throughout the next day,</p><p>They continued to play,</p><p>Until neither were able to walk!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Twisted Sing-A-Longs</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer</p><p></p><p>Rudolph the red nosed wino,</p><p>Had a very shiny nose,</p><p>And if you got too close to him,</p><p>He would take off his clothes.</p><p>All of the other winos,</p><p>Used to laugh and call him names,</p><p>They never let poor Rudolph,</p><p>Join in any wino games.</p><p>Then one chilly Christmas Eve,</p><p>Rudolph froze to death in an alley.</p><p>End of story.</p><p>~~~~~</p><p></p><p>Deck The Halls</p><p>See that drag queen his name's Molly.</p><p>Fa La La La La La La La La</p><p>For 50 bucks he'll make you jolly.</p><p>Fa La La La La La La La La</p><p>See him in his gay apparel.</p><p>Fa La La La La La La La La</p><p>You should meet his brother Carol.</p><p>Fa La La La La La La La La</p><p></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>Whore's Business</strong></span></p><p></p><p><em><strong><span style="color: Teal">Sung to the Tune of ~ White Christmas</span></strong></em></p><p></p><p>I'm waiting for a whore's business,</p><p>But I'm three dollars short on dough.</p><p>While her earrings glisten,</p><p>Her pimp will listen,</p><p>He's hiding close by in a Roll's.</p><p></p><p>I'm waiting for a whore's business,</p><p>Although I'm shriveled from the cold.</p><p>She will warm my body,</p><p>And act real naughty,</p><p>As well as all the other things she's told.</p><p></p><p>I'm waiting for a whore's business,</p><p>She's got my money in her fly.</p><p>Her large breasts are bobbing,</p><p>Makes my dick start throbbing,</p><p>As I watch her pimp mouth the word "Goodbye.</p><p></p><p>"I'm waiting for a whore's business,</p><p>She has a beautiful dark tan.</p><p>As she peels off her clothing,</p><p>I am filled with loathing,</p><p>And discover that she really is a man.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063828040, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Why Santa Can't Possibly Be A Man[/COLOR][/B] a. Men can't pack a bag b. Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. c. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves d. Men don't answer their mail e. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in just as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly" f. Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them g. Having to do the Ho-Ho-Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women h. Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. Roses are Redish, Violets are Bluesh. If it wasn't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down? He was waiting for the snow blower! [B][COLOR="Teal"]Top 10 Signs Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid[/COLOR][/B] 10. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!" 9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes. 8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling. 7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are styrofoam peanuts. 6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed. 5. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the dork list. 4. Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee. 3. First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you." 2. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown." 1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!" Father Christmas was in the Grotto, when after days of young children filing past, he was confronted by a lovely looking eighteen year old girl. She sits herself down on Santa's knee and he asks her what she wants for Christmas. She says, "Well Santa, I've got no pubic hairs on my pussy, and I wondered if you could get me some for Christmas?" Santa replies, "Well I don't know, if I can get you Pubic hairs on your Pussy, will white whiskers do?" ~~~~~ That wily old pervert St. Nick Made good use of the curve to his dick. He glazed the whole shaft Painted stripes, then he laughed As he offered young ladies a lick. The night started with hot sexual talk, As they screwed they lost track of the clock. Throughout the next day, They continued to play, Until neither were able to walk! [B][COLOR="Teal"]Twisted Sing-A-Longs[/COLOR][/B] Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer Rudolph the red nosed wino, Had a very shiny nose, And if you got too close to him, He would take off his clothes. All of the other winos, Used to laugh and call him names, They never let poor Rudolph, Join in any wino games. Then one chilly Christmas Eve, Rudolph froze to death in an alley. End of story. ~~~~~ Deck The Halls See that drag queen his name's Molly. Fa La La La La La La La La For 50 bucks he'll make you jolly. Fa La La La La La La La La See him in his gay apparel. Fa La La La La La La La La You should meet his brother Carol. Fa La La La La La La La La [COLOR="Teal"][B]Whore's Business[/B][/COLOR] [I][B][COLOR="Teal"]Sung to the Tune of ~ White Christmas[/COLOR][/B][/I] I'm waiting for a whore's business, But I'm three dollars short on dough. While her earrings glisten, Her pimp will listen, He's hiding close by in a Roll's. I'm waiting for a whore's business, Although I'm shriveled from the cold. She will warm my body, And act real naughty, As well as all the other things she's told. I'm waiting for a whore's business, She's got my money in her fly. Her large breasts are bobbing, Makes my dick start throbbing, As I watch her pimp mouth the word "Goodbye. "I'm waiting for a whore's business, She has a beautiful dark tan. As she peels off her clothing, I am filled with loathing, And discover that she really is a man. [/QUOTE]
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