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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063720682" data-attributes="member: 14320">Women's Rules For BJ's(Archive Classic)1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it2. Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is notstandard practice to come on someone's face.4. Extension to rule #3- No, I DON'T have to swallow.5. My ears are not handles6. Extension to rule #5- do not push on the top of my head. Last Iheard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANTpuke on your dick?7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week"- get itthrough your head- Im bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feelparticularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex rightnow.9. Extension to #8- "Blue Balls" might have worked on high schoolgirls-if youre that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with myMidol.10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tellme I've just "wrecked" it for you.11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediatelyafterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to berepeated in the future.12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate aboutthe origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we'regood at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about theprotein content.14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blowjobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to eithersympathize or brag.16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to"kiss it good morning".Q: Know where you can find sympathy?A: In the dictionary, somewhere between 'shit' and'syphilis'.Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?A: So she could lip read.Q: Why did God create blondes?A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.Who Has The Job?An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill ajob opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found fourpeople who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in andask them one question and their answer would determine who would get thejob.The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table theinterviewer asked "What is the fastest thing you know of?" pointing tothe man on his right.The first man replied, "A thought.. It pops into your head. There's noforewarning that it's on the way, it's just there. A thought is thefastest thing I know of.""That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he askedthe second man."Hmm....let me see, A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know itever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of.""Excellent!" said the interviewer "The blink of an eye. That's a verypopular cliché for speed." He turned to the third man who wascontemplating his reply."Well, out at my Dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wallthere's a light switch, when you flip that switch, way out across thepasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant. Turning on alight is the fastest thing I can think of."The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought hehad found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light." he said.Turning to the fourth man, he posed the question."After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me that thefastest thing known is diarrhea.""WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response."Oh I can explain." said the fourth man. "You see, the other day Iwasn't feeling so well and ran for the bathroom. But,before I could think, blink or turn on the light, I'd shit my pants!"He got the job!=====Thor, the norse god of thunder, decided that he needed some femalecompany. He soon met a beautiful woman and they snuck away forsome lovemaking.After many hours, he felt it was time to tell the woman that hewas more than just a mortal man.He decided to tell her his name."You're Thor?" she replied. "I'm tho thor I can barely sit down."</blockquote>

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