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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063678055" data-attributes="member: 14320">Too Many ChildrenAfter having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that wasenough, as they could not afford a larger bed.So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and hiscousin didn't want to have any more children.The vet told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that couldfix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costlyalternative,"said the vet, "is to go home,get a cherry bomb," (fireworks arelegal in Alabama) "light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the canup to your ear and count to ten."The Alabamian said to the vet, "I may not be the smartest tool inthe shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer cannext to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me, " said the vet.So the man went home, lit the cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.He held the can up to his ear and began to count."1""2""3""4""5"At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs andresumed counting on his other hand.This procedure works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas,Mississippi,Michigan, Ohio, and West Virginia.NNNNNA guy rushes into the bar and tells the bartender, "The beers are onme! My wife ran away with my best friend." The bartender smiles andasks, "That's a shame, how come you aren't unhappy?" "Why should Ibe unhappy?" replies the guy. "They saved me a fortune. Both of themare pregnant!"NNNNNQ: What's the best-selling brand of lipstick inGreece?A: Preparation H.Q: What time is it when a elephant sits on your fence?A: Time to get a new fence!Q: What do you call priest poo?A: Holy SHIT!NNNNNA Swedish guy walks ot of church and the pastor asks him, "Why do you have that black eye my son?""Well" the Swedish guy says, "I saw Mrs. Foster standing up in front of me and she had her dress cramped up her butt. I thought she didn't want it like that and so I took it out for her. Then, wham, she punched me in the eye!"But my son" the Pastor says, "how did you get your other eye blackened as well?"The Swedish guy says, "Well now I thought that Mrs. Foster must like her dress cramped in her butt, so I shoved it back up! More Degenerate DictionaryFoggy WindshieldSpilling your massive load on the glasses of some four-eyed filthy slut.Fortune CookieThis maneuver is intended to teach fledgling hookers to swallow what we give them. If after a sensational round of knob-slobbing, the slut deposits your wealth elsewhere than her stomach, quickly take your knee to her jaw. Your new lucky number is equal to the amount of teeth you knock out. Confucius would be proud.Fountain of YouWhile sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed.)Four Wheel DriveFucking, or getting fucked during the peak of your genital herpes flare up, cause while you fuck, it's a bumpy ride.Freeing the TadpolesDropping a nice healthy load of your ball juice.Freudian SlipShitting in your pants while farting. Farting is what you are doing, but shitting is your subconscious wants.FumilingusWhen a man (or woman) performs cunnilingus on a woman and she farts directly in his face.FUPAPronounced foo-pa and is abbreviated for "fat-upper-pussy-area". It's that nasty gut or pot-belly in the lower abdominal area of a woman. This term has a more derogatory affect when applied to younger women, since a fupa is far less appealing when seen on them.Fur ballYou're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane in between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your throat.G FactorWhen you convince your wife/girlfriend/hump buddy to do the most outrageous/kinky/nasty stuff and she is a pro and really enjoys it (like taking on your two buddies and their girlfriends while wearing nipple clamps and a dog collar and leaving no hole unmolested and capturing it all on video). Makes you sit up straight and say "Gee, I had no fucking idea."Gay PouponThe slimy see-thru brown coating a gay guy gets on his dick during some hot hairy butt sex. I overheard people joking about this at a time when I would not have preferred to lose my appetite. Can apply to heterosexual butt action as well I suppose, but the term generally loses its humor.Gaylord PerryGoing to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).German TouristA chick so nasty and vile just for fun you and your buddies wind up fucking, pissing and shitting on.Glass Bottom BoatCovering a chick's face with Saran Wrap and then defecating on her head, thus creating the illusion of looking upward through a glass bottom vessel.</blockquote>

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