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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063639939" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Loving Valentines from Us Gals to You Guys</span></strong></p><p></p><p>You say you would like to screw me.</p><p>You say I make you drool.</p><p>But when it comes to making love</p><p>you suck and I'd rather use my mechanical tool.</p><p></p><p>You understand how to make me moan, how to make me squirm.</p><p>But when it comes to your dick; it feels more like a little worm.</p><p></p><p>Size DOES matter. I don't care what they say.</p><p>So please do both of us a favor and just go away.</p><p></p><p>Making love should be grand. It should make my heart to thump.</p><p>But all I usually get out of it is just feeling you hump!</p><p></p><p>Our relationship is over, it's kaput, its at the very end.</p><p>You're a really bad fuck. I'm moving on to you best friend.</p><p></p><p>I've had relationships before boyfriends one and two.</p><p>They're dead now, but their still better at making love than you.</p><p></p><p>You get it up, you put in, you go off and then you pull it out.</p><p>I'll never have sex with you again you shitty lout!</p><p></p><p>Broad shoulders you have; a small waist and a really nice firm ass.</p><p>But you're too much in love with yourself so I think I'll have to</p><p>pass.</p><p></p><p>Having sex with you has left me empty and bitter.</p><p>I'd rather do it with the ugly guy next door .</p><p>I'm his baby sitter.</p><p></p><p>I'd like to have sex with you. You're built like a big stud horse.</p><p>But you're so damn ugly; I'd have to put a paper bag over your face</p><p>of course.</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't mind having sex with you. You're tender, gentle and kind.</p><p>But when someone's so ugly that it'd take two bags . that's where I</p><p>draw the line!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">iiiii</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A girl was telling her date about her old boyfriend, and while doing</p><p></p><p>so was stroking her beer bottle up and down many times. Finally her</p><p></p><p>date has had enough and says, " You're always thinking about him.</p><p>Why don't you think about me once in a while?"</p><p>"OK!" she says and starts stroking the top two inches of her bottle.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">iiiii</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There was a young fellow of Harrow</p><p>Whose john was the size of a marrow.</p><p>He said to his tart,</p><p>"How's this for a start?</p><p>My balls are outside in a barrow."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Strip Joint</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Pete was sitting near the stage of a strip joint when the</p><p>girl came out and began dancing. Suddenly, as she began unzipping</p><p>her dress, a man sitting behind Pete shouted, "Take it off, Baby!"</p><p>causing Pete's ears to ring from the volume. Pete turned to the</p><p>guy and scowled at him. </p><p>"Sorry," the man apologized.</p><p></p><p>Later as she began unhooking her bra the guy behind Pete</p><p>again loudly yelled, "Take it off, Baby!" and again earned a</p><p>scowl.</p><p>"Sorry," the man apologized again.</p><p></p><p>And yet once more when she began to slip down her panties</p><p>the air erupted with a bellowing, "Take it off, Baby!" </p><p>Which, when met with the customary scowl resulted in</p><p>another, "Sorry."</p><p>The act ended when the dancer ripped off her g-string,</p><p>this time accompanied only by silence. "Hey, pal," Pete said</p><p>sarcastically, "where's your great enthusiam now, huh?"</p><p>"All over the back of your head."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">-----</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A women, gasping for her last breath on her deathbed,</p><p>whispered a confession to her husband who was by her bedside.</p><p>"Dear, before I die I must tell you something. It was I who stole</p><p>the $50,000 from your safe. I spent it on a ritzy fuckfest with</p><p>the mailboy at your office. And it was I who got your cheap whore</p><p>mistress secretary to skip town by bribing her to leave you. And</p><p>it was I who snitched you off for evasion to the IRS. Can you</p><p>find it in your heart to forgive me before I go?"</p><p>"Yes, dear," he smiled. "After all, it was I who poisoned</p><p>you."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">-----</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Two drunks were in a tavern sitting at the bar and staring</p><p>into their drinks. One got a curious look on his face and asked,</p><p>"Hey, Pete! You ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?"</p><p>"Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063639939, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Loving Valentines from Us Gals to You Guys[/COLOR][/B] You say you would like to screw me. You say I make you drool. But when it comes to making love you suck and I'd rather use my mechanical tool. You understand how to make me moan, how to make me squirm. But when it comes to your dick; it feels more like a little worm. Size DOES matter. I don't care what they say. So please do both of us a favor and just go away. Making love should be grand. It should make my heart to thump. But all I usually get out of it is just feeling you hump! Our relationship is over, it's kaput, its at the very end. You're a really bad fuck. I'm moving on to you best friend. I've had relationships before boyfriends one and two. They're dead now, but their still better at making love than you. You get it up, you put in, you go off and then you pull it out. I'll never have sex with you again you shitty lout! Broad shoulders you have; a small waist and a really nice firm ass. But you're too much in love with yourself so I think I'll have to pass. Having sex with you has left me empty and bitter. I'd rather do it with the ugly guy next door . I'm his baby sitter. I'd like to have sex with you. You're built like a big stud horse. But you're so damn ugly; I'd have to put a paper bag over your face of course. I wouldn't mind having sex with you. You're tender, gentle and kind. But when someone's so ugly that it'd take two bags . that's where I draw the line! [B][COLOR="Red"]iiiii[/COLOR][/B] A girl was telling her date about her old boyfriend, and while doing so was stroking her beer bottle up and down many times. Finally her date has had enough and says, " You're always thinking about him. Why don't you think about me once in a while?" "OK!" she says and starts stroking the top two inches of her bottle. [B][COLOR="Red"]iiiii[/COLOR][/B] There was a young fellow of Harrow Whose john was the size of a marrow. He said to his tart, "How's this for a start? My balls are outside in a barrow." [B][COLOR="Teal"]Strip Joint[/COLOR][/B] Pete was sitting near the stage of a strip joint when the girl came out and began dancing. Suddenly, as she began unzipping her dress, a man sitting behind Pete shouted, "Take it off, Baby!" causing Pete's ears to ring from the volume. Pete turned to the guy and scowled at him. "Sorry," the man apologized. Later as she began unhooking her bra the guy behind Pete again loudly yelled, "Take it off, Baby!" and again earned a scowl. "Sorry," the man apologized again. And yet once more when she began to slip down her panties the air erupted with a bellowing, "Take it off, Baby!" Which, when met with the customary scowl resulted in another, "Sorry." The act ended when the dancer ripped off her g-string, this time accompanied only by silence. "Hey, pal," Pete said sarcastically, "where's your great enthusiam now, huh?" "All over the back of your head." [B][COLOR="Red"]-----[/COLOR][/B] A women, gasping for her last breath on her deathbed, whispered a confession to her husband who was by her bedside. "Dear, before I die I must tell you something. It was I who stole the $50,000 from your safe. I spent it on a ritzy fuckfest with the mailboy at your office. And it was I who got your cheap whore mistress secretary to skip town by bribing her to leave you. And it was I who snitched you off for evasion to the IRS. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me before I go?" "Yes, dear," he smiled. "After all, it was I who poisoned you." [B][COLOR="Red"]-----[/COLOR][/B] Two drunks were in a tavern sitting at the bar and staring into their drinks. One got a curious look on his face and asked, "Hey, Pete! You ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?" "Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years." [/QUOTE]
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