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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063627172" data-attributes="member: 14320">How to Shower Like A Woman1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundryhamper according to lights and darks.2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If yousee husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - makemental note to do more sit-ups.4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoowith 43 added vitamins.6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mintconditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leaveon hair for 15 minutes.8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrubfor 10 minutes until red.9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffacake body wash.10. Rinse conditioner off hair.11. Shave armpits and legs.12. Turn off shower.13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spraymold spots with Tilex.14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of asmall country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown andtowel on head.17. If you see husband along the way, cover up anyexposed areas.How To Shower Like a Man1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of thebed and leave them in a pile.2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife alongthe way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo'sound.3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admirethe size of your wiener and scratch your ass.4. Get in the shower.5. Wash your face.6. Wash your armpits7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the waterrinse them off.8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh athow loud they sound in the shower.9. Spend majority of time washing privates andsurrounding area.10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairsstuck on the soap.11. Shampoo your hair.12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.13. Pee.14. Rinse off and get out of shower.15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floorbecause curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, lightand fan on.18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. Ifyou pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her andmake the 'woo-woo' sound again.19. Throw wet towel on bed.If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.How To Give A Blow Job(And Blow His Mind)Blowjobs aren't just for men's pleasure. That's right, many women say the feeling of control it gives them combined with the oral stimulation is a turn-on in its own right.. Read on for tips and techniques to make a blowjob an ultimately satisfying experience for all involved.lllllThe Anatomy Know what you're getting into: Glans: The head of the penis Frenulum: The underside of the glans; ** the most sensitive part ** Shaft: The length of the penis Perineum: The area between the anus and the testicles Testicles: Where sperm is made and stored for ejaculation. lllllBasic Up & Down Position yourself comfortably: Start by teasing his penis - kiss, breathe lightly, whisper, tickle. Switch to sucking. Create a vacuum by pursing your lips, then using them to surround his penis. Thrust your mouth down over his penis while you suck. Use your saliva as a lubricant. Stroke with your hands while sucking. Twist your hand as you move up and down on the shaft. Switch hands occasionally for variation. lllllBeyond Sucking Licking & nibbling is quite stimulating: Run your tongue around the glans, then focus on the frenulum. Flick your tongue back and forth and all around as you're sucking. Lick the bottom of the shaft while using your hand to fondle the glans, and vice versa. lllllAll-Around Focus There's more to the penis than meets the eye: Take his balls gently into your mouth and suck. Run your tongue along his perineum. Lick his anus and see if he likes it. Rub his balls gently as you suck the shaft. lllllSpit or Swallow It's your decision: Some like to take come into their mouth, some like to watch it shoot. Both can be very sexy. If you choose to take it in your mouth, you can swallow or keep a cloth or napkin nearby to spit into. Know your partner and make good choices. Swallowing during oral sex on an HIV-infected man has been known transmit the virus. lllll10 Advanced Tips 1. Take a deep breath before you take his penis into your mouth to relax your throat muscles. This is to prevent gagging if you think his penis is going to touch the back of your throat. 2. Use your hand around the base of his penis to control how deep he goes into your mouth. 3. Try swallowing when his penis reaches the back of your throat. It kind of tickles. 4. You can start a blowjob when your partner's penis is flaccid and stimulate him to erection. 5. Pubic hairs in your mouth are normal. Just stop for a minute to take them out & then keep going. 6. Use a finger in your partner's anus to massage his prostate. 7. Pop an ice cube in your mouth or a mint for extra stimulation. 8. Run your hands over his inner thighs as your mouth moves on his shaft. 9. Keep your teeth away from his penis, or very, very lightly rub them against him while sucking. 10. Not all men come during oral sex. Don't worry if he doesn't - his orgasm is his responsibility, not yours.</blockquote>

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