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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063549789" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Better To Be Female</span></strong></p><p></p><p>We got off the Titanic first.</p><p></p><p>We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.</p><p></p><p>We never ejaculate prematurely.</p><p></p><p>We can have sex anytime we want.</p><p></p><p>We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls,</p><p>and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.</p><p></p><p>We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our</p><p>sexuality.</p><p></p><p>When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's</p><p>pathetic.</p><p></p><p>We don't have to get our strength up between sessions...and it's much</p><p>easier for us to get "some" in the first place.</p><p></p><p>We can get off with teenagers without being called dirty old perverts.</p><p></p><p>Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like</p><p>complete idiots in ours.</p><p></p><p>We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.</p><p></p><p>We can cry and get off speeding fines.</p><p></p><p>We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing</p><p>inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers......</p><p></p><p>Men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.</p><p></p><p>Taxis stop for us.</p><p></p><p>We've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a</p><p>computer game.</p><p></p><p>We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">------ </span></strong></p><p>A lawyer walked into a bar, sat down and ordered a drink. As he</p><p>was sipping it, he looked over at the woman sitting on the stool</p><p>next to his.</p><p></p><p>Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced</p><p>him, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen here, 'Good</p><p>Looking', I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place,</p><p>in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up,</p><p>sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it</p><p>doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of</p><p>college and I just love it."</p><p></p><p>Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding! I'm a</p><p>lawyer, too. What firm are you with?"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Got It Tough</span></strong></p><p></p><p>At six in the morning, the big toe looks at the penis and says,</p><p>"Psst! Hey!" The penis stands up and says,</p><p>"Yeah?" The toe says, "You know man, I've really got it tough.</p><p>Every morning this guy shoves me into a stinking old sock, ties me up</p><p>in a dirty old shoe, walks on me all over town, and people step on me</p><p>all day long."</p><p>The penis says, "Fella, you ain't got no problems at all.</p><p>This guy shoves me into a jock strap that's too tight. Then he goes</p><p>over to his girlfriend's house, starts messing around with her, and I</p><p>get all tense and excited, and I can't move a muscle.</p><p>Then he shoves this rubber balloon over my head, locks me in a big</p><p>hairy cage, and makes me do push-ups until I get sick and throw up."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">-=-=-=-=-=-=-=</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blonde calls the Delta Airlines and asks, "can you tell me how long</p><p>it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York city"?</p><p></p><p>The agent replies, Just a minute . . .</p><p></p><p>"Thank you" the blonde says, and hangs up.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">-=-=-=-=-=-=-=</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Men are like Road Kill</p><p>They usually just lie around until they start to smell</p><p></p><p>Sign in the window of a home cookin' restaurant in Phoenix: ;The best</p><p>piece of chicken you'll ever get without being a rooster!</p><p></p><p>The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.</p><p></p><p>Two headaches and a hard-on</p><p></p><p>Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads?</p><p>They want to measure their intelligence.</p><p></p><p>Why do blondes stand under light bulbs?</p><p>It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">-=-=-=-=-=-=-=</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A Priest lost his pet rooster and couldn't find it no matter how</p><p>many times he checked around his Parish. Frustrated, he</p><p>decided to bring it up during his Sunday Mass. From the pulpit,</p><p>he asked loudly, "Anyone got a cock?" All the men inside the</p><p>Church stood up! "No, I mean, has anyone seen a cock?"</p><p>All the women inside the Church stood up. "No, no, no...what</p><p>I mean is...has anyone seen MY cock?" All the nuns stood up!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063549789, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Better To Be Female[/COLOR][/B] We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. We never ejaculate prematurely. We can have sex anytime we want. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality. When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic. We don't have to get our strength up between sessions...and it's much easier for us to get "some" in the first place. We can get off with teenagers without being called dirty old perverts. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like complete idiots in ours. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We can cry and get off speeding fines. We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers...... Men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance. Taxis stop for us. We've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. [B][COLOR="Red"]------ [/COLOR][/B] A lawyer walked into a bar, sat down and ordered a drink. As he was sipping it, he looked over at the woman sitting on the stool next to his. Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen here, 'Good Looking', I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it." Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding! I'm a lawyer, too. What firm are you with?" [B][COLOR="Teal"]Got It Tough[/COLOR][/B] At six in the morning, the big toe looks at the penis and says, "Psst! Hey!" The penis stands up and says, "Yeah?" The toe says, "You know man, I've really got it tough. Every morning this guy shoves me into a stinking old sock, ties me up in a dirty old shoe, walks on me all over town, and people step on me all day long." The penis says, "Fella, you ain't got no problems at all. This guy shoves me into a jock strap that's too tight. Then he goes over to his girlfriend's house, starts messing around with her, and I get all tense and excited, and I can't move a muscle. Then he shoves this rubber balloon over my head, locks me in a big hairy cage, and makes me do push-ups until I get sick and throw up." [B][COLOR="Red"]-=-=-=-=-=-=-=[/COLOR][/B] A blonde calls the Delta Airlines and asks, "can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York city"? The agent replies, Just a minute . . . "Thank you" the blonde says, and hangs up. [B][COLOR="Red"]-=-=-=-=-=-=-=[/COLOR][/B] Men are like Road Kill They usually just lie around until they start to smell Sign in the window of a home cookin' restaurant in Phoenix: ;The best piece of chicken you'll ever get without being a rooster! The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. Two headaches and a hard-on Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads? They want to measure their intelligence. Why do blondes stand under light bulbs? It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea. [B][COLOR="Red"]-=-=-=-=-=-=-=[/COLOR][/B] A Priest lost his pet rooster and couldn't find it no matter how many times he checked around his Parish. Frustrated, he decided to bring it up during his Sunday Mass. From the pulpit, he asked loudly, "Anyone got a cock?" All the men inside the Church stood up! "No, I mean, has anyone seen a cock?" All the women inside the Church stood up. "No, no, no...what I mean is...has anyone seen MY cock?" All the nuns stood up! [/QUOTE]
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