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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063416379" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Blonde Moments</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.</p><p></p><p>The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bad was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"</p><p>There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders." The blonde then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"</p><p></p><p>A blonde at a party was telling her friend that she was off men for life. "They lie, they cheat and they're just no good. From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my vibrator" </p><p>"So, what when the batteries run out?" asked her friend</p><p>"I'll just fake an orgasm like always."</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sadie, a blonde, sent the following email to all her women friends. </p><p>"Dear All, I hate hoax warnings, but this one is important! Please send this warning to all the women friends in your email address book: - </p><p>If a man comes to your front door saying he is conducting a survey and asks you to take off your clothes, dont do it. Its a scam. He only wants to see you naked. </p><p>PS I wish I had got this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap now. </p><p></p><p>Two blondes were comparing their experiences at the company's annual Christmas party.</p><p>"Did you get laid, Sherry ?"</p><p>"Twice."</p><p>"Only twice?"</p><p>"Yeah, once by the band and once by the accounting department! </p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Breast Fed</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A young woman with a baby was shown into the examining room. The</p><p>doctor examined the baby and then asked the woman, "Is he breast fed</p><p>or bottle fed?"</p><p></p><p>"Breast fed," replied the woman.</p><p></p><p>"Strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.</p><p></p><p>The woman did as she was told and the doctor examined her breasts.</p><p>He squeezed and pulled each one for a while and then he sucked hard on</p><p>each nipple. Finally he remarked, "No wonder this child is suffering</p><p>from malnutrition. You don't have any milk!"</p><p></p><p>"That's right," said the woman. "This is my sister's child."</p><p></p><p>"Well," said the startled doctor. "I had no idea. You shouldn't have</p><p>come."</p><p></p><p>"I didn't," replied the woman, "until you started sucking on my second</p><p>breast."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">0000000</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this</p><p>problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never</p><p>smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least</p><p>20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was</p><p>farting because they don't smell and are silent."</p><p></p><p>The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next</p><p>week."</p><p></p><p>The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know</p><p>what the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still</p><p>silent... stink terribly."</p><p></p><p>"Good!" the doctor says, "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses,</p><p>let's work on your hearing."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">0000000</span></strong></p><p></p><p>This guy goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a lady</p><p>sitting by herself.</p><p>Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"</p><p>Lady: "No thank you. Alcohol has a bad side-effect on for my legs."</p><p>Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"</p><p>Lady: "No, they spread."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063416379, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Blonde Moments[/COLOR][/B] A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents. The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bad was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?" There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders." The blonde then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?" A blonde at a party was telling her friend that she was off men for life. "They lie, they cheat and they're just no good. From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my vibrator" "So, what when the batteries run out?" asked her friend "I'll just fake an orgasm like always." Sadie, a blonde, sent the following email to all her women friends. "Dear All, I hate hoax warnings, but this one is important! Please send this warning to all the women friends in your email address book: - If a man comes to your front door saying he is conducting a survey and asks you to take off your clothes, dont do it. Its a scam. He only wants to see you naked. PS I wish I had got this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap now. Two blondes were comparing their experiences at the company's annual Christmas party. "Did you get laid, Sherry ?" "Twice." "Only twice?" "Yeah, once by the band and once by the accounting department! [B][COLOR="Teal"]Breast Fed[/COLOR][/B] A young woman with a baby was shown into the examining room. The doctor examined the baby and then asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or bottle fed?" "Breast fed," replied the woman. "Strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. The woman did as she was told and the doctor examined her breasts. He squeezed and pulled each one for a while and then he sucked hard on each nipple. Finally he remarked, "No wonder this child is suffering from malnutrition. You don't have any milk!" "That's right," said the woman. "This is my sister's child." "Well," said the startled doctor. "I had no idea. You shouldn't have come." "I didn't," replied the woman, "until you started sucking on my second breast." [B][COLOR="Red"]0000000[/COLOR][/B] A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent." The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent... stink terribly." "Good!" the doctor says, "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing." [B][COLOR="Red"]0000000[/COLOR][/B] This guy goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a lady sitting by herself. Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?" Lady: "No thank you. Alcohol has a bad side-effect on for my legs." Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?" Lady: "No, they spread." [/QUOTE]
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