care to share jokes...i'm just too bored..

[ka_ren]

"Marketing 101"
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed". That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed". That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed". That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed". That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed". That's Brand Recognition.

 

[ka_ren]

One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word 'PENIS' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word 'PENIS' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

 

[kelvio]

hmmm i got 1 joke but dunno u all can understand by reading once


theres 3 friend name john,joe,mike,
they were killed in an accident all of them meet in haven.
they were signing into haven at the main door
the door keeper tell them they will receive sorts of transportation to ride in haven depends on their criteria.

the door keeper interview john,
keeper:how many wifes u have
john : 1
keeper: how many girls did u have sex with in ur life
johm: 1,my wife
keeper: good,loyal guy ,i will give u a slipper to wear in haven


now joe's turn
keeper:howmany wife u have
joe: 2
keeper: how many girls did u have sex with in ur life
joe: **counting** 15
keeper:hmm ok then u will be given a scooter to ride in heaven

mike's turn
keeper: how many wife u have
mike: 4
keeper: wow very strong, how many girl did u have sex with in ur life
mike: hmmm' i cant really remember i think its 40+
keeper: whow ok then u will be given a ferrari to ride in haven

as 3 of them went in the door they meet again and they have a chat
about their ride,and the question were ask
as they chat, a loud sound shake the the place where 3 of them were standing
they saw a big spaceship parking near them
then they saw a person walking down from the space ship

they saw JESUS

 

[ka_ren]

lol......

 

[alien]

no more?

 

[BlackSamurai]

look like i need to work hard to get myself a BOEING Private Jet up there.
JESUS I Lv You. You are my idol.

 

[turbonetics]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop.

When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.

After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"

Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"

 

[turbonetics]

The teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny Siebert raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.
Johnny Seibert said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."

 

[turbonetics]

A monkey is sitting up in a tree one fine day smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "hey! what are you doing? The monkey says "smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is kinda dry and had wanted to get a drink from the river nearby. The lizard was so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side,bewildered to see the lizard was kinda blurred...the crocodile then asked the lizard, "what's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and
then fell into the river while trying to get a sip to drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle,finds the tree were the monkey is sitting,finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "hey you!" The Monkey looks down and says "faaaaaaark dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"

AhAhHAhAHHAHHAhHAhA

 

[ka_ren]

good one.. keep it comin'

 

[wj_03802]

The jokes are lame.......

 

[kelvio]

WJ the joke are lame but entertaining

ive got 1

MR.Chee bought mooncake to his office,and he ask all his staff to come by and have a piece,while they were eating, a ''kwai low'' manager ask who bought this delicious moon cake,
then all the staff answered, ''CHEE BUY LAR''

 

[ka_ren]

The jokes are lame.......

wah... u r quite hard to please wor... u have super funny jokes?

kekekeke

 

[alien]

i think the jokes are great..
makes me smile n laff too..
esp the nun n the bus driver..
ha ha ha ~

 

[BlackSamurai]

ka_ren try to please wj...

check this out,
Wife, "Honey, I can't get out"
Husband, "Gosh, I don't have budget to rebuild the garade"

http://img156.imageshack.us/img156/25/image01026de90cvu1.png

yes, i know, wj, it's lame.

 

[BlackSamurai]

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.

Dad: People, this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company's mobile.

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.

 

[tamz18]

Penjual Telur
Di sebuah pasar tradisional.

Pembeli: "Dik, telur sekilo berapa?"

Penjual: "Telur ayam atau telur itik?"

Pembeli: "Telur ayam."

Penjual: "Telur ayam biasa atau ayam kampung?"

Pembeli: "Ayam biasa."

Penjual: "Yang tempatan atau yang import?"

Pembeli: "Yang tempatan."

Penjual: "Yang tempatannya mahu yang dari Ipoh, Kuala Selangor atau Tampin?"

Pembeli: "Yang Ipoh lah..." (Sambil terlihat kesal).

Penjual: "Mahu yang Ipoh Pusat, Barat, Timur, Utara, atau Selatan?"

Pembeli: "Adik nie jual telur atau nak jalan-jalan?"

Penjual: "Maaf kak, saya penjual mee rebus kat sebelah. Kebetulan yang jual telur pergi makan. Saya disuruh berbual dulu dengan pembeli sampai dia datang.

 

[tamz18]

Polis ¡§ Encik, tadi u tak ada nampak lampu merah kah?

Driver ¡§Ada!

Polis ¡§ Kenapa u masih jalan?

Driver ¡§ Saya ada nampak lampu merah, tapi saya tak ada nampak u¡Ä¡Ä

Polis ¡§ !@#$%^&*()


Driver: bagi peluang ..tuan...

Polis: peluang bagi dgn macam mana??

Driver: bagilah peluang..

Polis: ya.. dgn macam mana??

Driver: biasa looo..

Polis: macam mana biasa..???

Driver: wei.. u pura pura ke atau hilang ingatan ar..

Polis: ape u maksud??

Driver: haizz.. u memang sedang bazirkan masa saya ..bagi saman...CEPATTTT...

Polis: saman RM200 o.. fikir baik baik ...


Driver: wei.. u tak faham maksud saya ka.. suruh u bagi then jus bagi la..
apasal mau cakap banyak... u punya head suruh u mari sini chating
ar?? mau saman then cepat sikit.. hanya ta hu bazir masa saya..
saya sanggup bayar saman ini pun tak akan bagi u minum .. biar u
dahaga

Polis: )*&@&%$#(_!+%!&%)(!_$@&$_!@(%&!@&%!)

 

[BlackSamurai]

tamz18, Commerce Assurance customer you are?

 

[alien]

wahahaha..
eh wat does commerce assurance customer gotta do w this?