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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 2897277" data-attributes="member: 14320">SAFE SEX TIPSThese days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's amatter of life or death. Here are some valuable tipsto help you "play it safe":* Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizensfor cash, then buy the crack directly.* Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay;resultant loss of erection will prevent potentialunsafe sex.* Wash hands thoroughly before fisting goat.* Under no circumstances should you give CPR to a stranger.* Avoid dipping penis in buckets of AIDS-infected blood.* Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants inthe clergy from harm."* Pull out cat's teeth before pouring gravy over vagina.* Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allowanyone to get to third base with you.* Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly driedand scabbed over before use.* When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure to have anequal amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk ofCHI imbalance.* Stock up on free safe-sex pamphlets at local health clinic;use them to make paper-mache genital wrap.* Before fellating anonymous man in back room of gay bar,be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"* Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray beforepenetrating ape.* You CAN get it from kissing -- tear out partner's tonguebefore any mouth-to-mouth contact.* To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.* Avoid talking to homosexuals at all costs.* If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out beforehandto hope for the best.</blockquote>

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