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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 2892488" data-attributes="member: 14320">Voodoo Penis A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. Heknew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthysex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keepher occupied while he was gone.He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around.He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close toanother man for him. He was browsing through the dildo's, lookingfor something special to please his wife, and started talking tothe old man behind the counter. He explained his situation."Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. Wehave vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but Idon't know of thing that will keep her occupied for weeks,except..." and he stopped."Except what?" the man asked."Nothing, nothing.""C'mon, tell me! I need something!""Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoopenis.""So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very oldwooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. Heopened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks likeevery other dildo in this shop!"The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." TheVoodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to thedoor, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shookwildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to formdown the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "VoodooPenis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated backto the box and lay there quiescent once more."I'll take it!" said the businessman.The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finallysurrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildoand that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, mycrotch."He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while hewas gone. After he'd been gone a few days, his wife wasunbearably horny. She thought of several people who wouldwillingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, mycrotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd everexperienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, shebecame very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, stillthrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothingworked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they couldhelp. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started todrive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way,another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over theroad.A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. Heasked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had todrink.Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything todrink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuckin my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in anarrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"</blockquote>

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