Menu
Home
Post Something
Forums
Current Activity
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
Latest activity
News & Features
The Marketplace
Cars for Sale
Engine and Performance
Chassis and Wheels
Exterior and Body
Interior and Cockpit
ICE - In Car Entertainment
Car Shops and Services
Toys and Wares
All Other Stuff
Jobs and Vacancies
Looking For
Members
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
Current Activity
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Reply to thread
See what others are reading now! Try Forums >
Current Activity
Home
Forums
Main Forums
General Talk
Jokes Archieve - Text Based
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Message
<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 2645692" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong>PEANUTS!!</strong></p><p></p><p>A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. </p><p></p><p>For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. </p><p></p><p>When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. </p><p></p><p>As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, 'Up Nuts', and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, 'Down Nuts', and they all sat back down in their seats. </p><p></p><p>After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, 'Cheer Nuts'. </p><p></p><p>They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, 'Booooo Nuts' and they all started booing and cat calling. </p><p></p><p>Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he turned, there was a riot in progress. </p><p></p><p>Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, 'What in the world happened?' </p><p></p><p>The assistant replied, 'Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'PEANUTS!'</p><p></p><p>********</p><p></p><p><strong>NURSE NANCY!!</strong></p><p></p><p>Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy. </p><p></p><p>''She's out of control!'' the first doctor says. </p><p></p><p>''She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he almost died!'' </p><p></p><p>''That's nothing,'' said the second doctor, "earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!'' </p><p></p><p>All of a sudden they heard a blood curdling scream from down the hallway. </p><p></p><p>''OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!'''</p><p></p><p>********</p><p></p><p><strong>3 OLD GUYS!!</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p>"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." </p><p></p><p>"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" </p><p></p><p>"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." </p><p></p><p>"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old. </p><p>"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all." </p><p></p><p>"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?" </p><p>"No, I have one every morning at 6:30." </p><p></p><p>Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?" </p><p></p><p>"I don't wake up until 7:00." </p><p></p><p>*******</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 2645692, member: 14320"] [B]PEANUTS!![/B] A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, 'Up Nuts', and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, 'Down Nuts', and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, 'Cheer Nuts'. They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, 'Booooo Nuts' and they all started booing and cat calling. Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he turned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, 'What in the world happened?' The assistant replied, 'Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'PEANUTS!' ******** [B]NURSE NANCY!![/B] Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy. ''She's out of control!'' the first doctor says. ''She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he almost died!'' ''That's nothing,'' said the second doctor, "earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!'' All of a sudden they heard a blood curdling scream from down the hallway. ''OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!''' ******** [B]3 OLD GUYS!! [/B] "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old. "No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all." "So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?" "No, I have one every morning at 6:30." Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?" "I don't wake up until 7:00." ******* [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
The Marketplace Latest
Proton Preve R3 body kit
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
Perodua Ativa gear up body kit
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
BMW F10 Mperformance front skirt lip
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
Honda Civic FC fk7si front bumper set
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
brake caliper spray
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
BMW F30 M3 bodykit/diffuser set
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
Perodua Axia Rahmah bodykit
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
Nissan Almera Tomei body kit
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
original rare Black Racing Pro N1 16x6.5jj offset...
Started by
david tao
Chassis and Wheels
original rare Rays Volk Racing TE37SL Black Edition...
Started by
david tao
Chassis and Wheels
Posts refresh every 5 minutes
Kimi Raikkonen's New Look for 2010
https://www.zerotohundred.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Kimi-Raikkonen-5-copy.jpg
Pictures showing the 2010 livery of Kimi Raikkonen's Citroen C4 WRC, and the Finn's WRC race-suit, have been released by Red Bull...
Another evo7 stolen AGAIN!!!!
A friend of mine's evo7 got stolen today at jalan munshi abdullah about 7am. silver colour..plate number wmu 6602.
the car is quite stock as i remember and got an aftermarket rim.. that look like 5 spoke enkai tarmac...
Autronic ECU for Evo 4-7 for sale
Sorry, I know its the wrong forum but trying to reach the correct audience here.
http://www.autronic.com/page_files/mitsubishi_subaru.htm
Replacement ECU Boards.
Mitsubishi - Subaru - Honda.
Autronic has...
Recent Posts
Darker Design : Mercedes-Benz Launches GLA Nightfall Edition in Malaysia
Started by
The_Mechanic
News and Features
Honda Malaysia Doubles Down on Hybrids: New CR-V Launches with Dual e:HEV...
Started by
The_Mechanic
News and Features
BateriHub Reaches 200-Store Milestone, Becomes Malaysia’s Largest...
Started by
The_Mechanic
News and Features
Been stalking for 3 years edy
Started by
dheepadarshan95
Introduction and Newbies
Recommendation: Turbocharger for 4B11 N.A engine
Started by
Mitevo7
Car Modification
Search
Online now
Enjoying Zerotohundred?
Log-in
for an ad-less experience
Home
Forums
Main Forums
General Talk
Jokes Archieve - Text Based