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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4444822" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong>100 Ways For A Man To Keep His Testosterone Flowing</strong></p><p><strong>(Part One,)</strong></p><p></p><p>1: Don't call, ever.</p><p>2: If you like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her figure</p><p>it out by herself.</p><p>3: Lie.</p><p>4: Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and</p><p>unoriginal, such as "spike"</p><p>6: Here's a good pickup line, "My girlfriend's pregnant, will you go</p><p>out with me?</p><p>8: Play with yourself. Talk about it.</p><p>9: Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a</p><p>nice grunt will do.</p><p>10: Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it</p><p>isn't your fault.</p><p>11: Lie</p><p>12: Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women than baths.</p><p>13: Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help- don't ask. People will think you have no penis.</p><p>14: Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.</p><p>15: Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever</p><p>you pass a reflective surface, check you hair, clothing, etc.</p><p>16: If you don't like a girl, but can't think of a good enough reason</p><p>why,</p><p>just come up with trite, meaningless explanations like, "I don't know.</p><p>I just don't like her personality."</p><p>17: If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only</p><p>monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible.</p><p>18: TWO WORDS: Hack and spit.</p><p>19: Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in</p><p>urine.</p><p>20: One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend.</p><p>She will then see what she's missing and love you for not giving up</p><p>on her.</p><p>21: Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule #1.</p><p>22: Say things like "Wha...?"</p><p>23: Don't wear matching clothes. People will think your girlfriend</p><p>picked it out, and it will cramp your style on picking up chicks.</p><p>24: Lie.</p><p>25: Deny everything. Everything.</p><p>26: Good break up line, "It's not you, it's me." (ripped off from</p><p>George Castanza)</p><p>27: If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about her. Because</p><p>if any of your female friends like you, they'll really want to know.</p><p>28: Don't have a clue.</p><p>29: If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it.</p><p>30: No means yes.</p><p>31: Yes means no.</p><p>32: If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel.</p><p>Enforce this rule at all times.</p><p>33: If anyone asks, you have had sex in all possible positions and</p><p>locations. Improvise.</p><p>34: Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak, sex often</p><p>signifies the end of a relationship.</p><p>35: Feelings? What feelings?</p><p>36: Tell this to your girl before you have sex, "Don't worry. If you</p><p>don't have an orgasm, you won't get pregnant."</p><p>37: Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at</p><p>anything, either pretend it's not true or kick some ass.</p><p>38: Lie I tell you!!</p><p>39: DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into</p><p>a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up</p><p>with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. Example:</p><p>Question: "Honey, will you take me out for a romantic dinner?"</p><p>Answer: "Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce each day."</p><p>40: Every sentence that anyone says can be contorted to have sexual</p><p>meaning. Do so.</p><p>41: At any given opportunity, point out how things look like various</p><p>genitalia. If, by chance, you have Play-Doh, make sure you make an</p><p>exact replica of your penis. Measure to make sure it's right.</p><p>42: Lie.</p><p>43: "Love" is not in your vocabulary. don't even think about saying it. 44: A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not satisfy you</p><p>completely in 5 minutes, it's really not worth it.</p><p>45: Diss your girlfriend. Beg and plead until you get her back. Diss her again. Repeat cycle.</p><p>46: Lie.</p><p>47: ALWAYS apologize. NEVER mean it.</p><p>48: If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Don't.</p><p>49: Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget trivial things. You know, like your girlfriend's b-day and eye color.</p><p>50: Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they can't see</p><p>you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 4444822, member: 14320"] [B]100 Ways For A Man To Keep His Testosterone Flowing (Part One,)[/B] 1: Don't call, ever. 2: If you like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself. 3: Lie. 4: Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as "spike" 6: Here's a good pickup line, "My girlfriend's pregnant, will you go out with me? 8: Play with yourself. Talk about it. 9: Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do. 10: Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn't your fault. 11: Lie 12: Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women than baths. 13: Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help- don't ask. People will think you have no penis. 14: Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them. 15: Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check you hair, clothing, etc. 16: If you don't like a girl, but can't think of a good enough reason why, just come up with trite, meaningless explanations like, "I don't know. I just don't like her personality." 17: If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible. 18: TWO WORDS: Hack and spit. 19: Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine. 20: One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend. She will then see what she's missing and love you for not giving up on her. 21: Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule #1. 22: Say things like "Wha...?" 23: Don't wear matching clothes. People will think your girlfriend picked it out, and it will cramp your style on picking up chicks. 24: Lie. 25: Deny everything. Everything. 26: Good break up line, "It's not you, it's me." (ripped off from George Castanza) 27: If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about her. Because if any of your female friends like you, they'll really want to know. 28: Don't have a clue. 29: If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it. 30: No means yes. 31: Yes means no. 32: If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel. Enforce this rule at all times. 33: If anyone asks, you have had sex in all possible positions and locations. Improvise. 34: Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak, sex often signifies the end of a relationship. 35: Feelings? What feelings? 36: Tell this to your girl before you have sex, "Don't worry. If you don't have an orgasm, you won't get pregnant." 37: Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at anything, either pretend it's not true or kick some ass. 38: Lie I tell you!! 39: DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. Example: Question: "Honey, will you take me out for a romantic dinner?" Answer: "Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce each day." 40: Every sentence that anyone says can be contorted to have sexual meaning. Do so. 41: At any given opportunity, point out how things look like various genitalia. If, by chance, you have Play-Doh, make sure you make an exact replica of your penis. Measure to make sure it's right. 42: Lie. 43: "Love" is not in your vocabulary. don't even think about saying it. 44: A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not worth it. 45: Diss your girlfriend. Beg and plead until you get her back. Diss her again. Repeat cycle. 46: Lie. 47: ALWAYS apologize. NEVER mean it. 48: If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Don't. 49: Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget trivial things. You know, like your girlfriend's b-day and eye color. 50: Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they can't see you. [/QUOTE]
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