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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4357445" data-attributes="member: 14320">GEORGE CARLINISMSDo people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?Does killing time damage eternity?Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?Why is it that night falls but day breaks?Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turndown the volume on the radio?Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquidmade with real lemons?Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keepit?Did Noah keep his bees in archives?Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?Do pilots take crash-courses?Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he justwhipped out a quarter?Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?How can there be self-help "groups"?How do you get off a non-stop flight?How do you write zero in Roman numerals?How many weeks are there in a light year?If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are GirlScout cookies made out of?If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the waythey do?If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, doeshe become disoriented?Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a runningchild?How come wrong numbers are never busy?Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?Ya Might Be A Redneck Addicted To The World of Computers If...WARNING: IT IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED THAT YOU PUT DOWN THE BEER CAN ANDTHE SHOTGUN BEFORE READING ANY FURTHERIf yer computer stand is made of a stack of old tires or 2 x 8's andcinderblocks.Ya think www. in a url is a logo for a wrestlin' organization.Someone tells ya they're "locked up" and ya ask if they need bailmoney.Ya've ever been too drunk to chat.Yer screen saver is a confederate flag and plays dixie.Ya think a harddrive is a trip to Uncle Bubba's.Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spitcan.Ya think a surge supressor is a pill for diarrhea.Ya keep trying to figure out why yer scanner won't pick up police radiocalls.Ya think a megabyte is a new sandwich at McDonalds.Ya have to ask someone how to spell LOL.Yer stomach overlaps half of yer keyboard.Ya try to figure out how to get yer empty beer cans into the recyclin'bin.Ya try to turn on yer computer with the remote.Ya try to figure out how yer floppy disk got hard.Ya play frisbee with yer CD Rom'sYa find yerself on the floor looking into yer "A Drive" yelling 'Giveit back! Give it Back'.When birds fly across yer screen an ya reach for yer shotgun.Ya put a mousetrap on yer deskYer yards full of ol' computers stacked on cinder blocks.Ya use yer CD-ROM drive as a beer holder.Ya call tech support an ask where ta buy stamps fer yer e-mail.When ya tern yer computer on ya say "Come OOOOOOON Betsy".Ya think system wizard is a dude in a funny hat.Ya think 64 M RAM is a nu big block engine fer yer pickup.Ya think ICQ is how smert yer computer is.Someone tellz ya yer computer has a bug an ya reach for the can ofRaid.Ya think a mouse pad iz where Mighty Mouse and his cousins hang.Ya go buy a surfboard to surf the net.Ya think yer homepage is where ya really live.Ya give Derections to a website that include a person, animal, or oldbarn.Ya Think MB stands for "More Beer".Ya wait fer the bluelight special at K-Mart ta buy yer puter.Ya see the word Download, and take the shells out of yer shotgun.Ya think the person that made yer keyboard was dumb cuz the lettersaint in order.Ya think pushing the delete key will make yer ol' lady disappear.Ya think CD stands for Cow Dung.Ya think IBM stands for "Idn't Betsy Marvelous"Ya think GIF stands fer "Goodie It's Free"Ya Think Mirabilis is a new brand of smokes.Ya see the "shift" key and try ta figure out how ta change gears.Ya put a quilt over yer screen when a make whoopee to yer ol' lady.Ya wonder why yer screen saver ain't wearing a cape like that theresuperhero on the cartoons.Ya think screen saver is a new flavor o' candy.Ya think the "A drive" is where ya park yer pickup.Ya see the werd "Zip" and know why youz feelin' a draft.Yer puter has a bumper sticker on it.Part of yer puter is held together with duct tape.Ya sees the word "Refresh" and reach into the cooler fer another beer.You's in a chat room and someone asks where yer from and you reply"My momma"You sees the word "Website" and start looking for spiders.</blockquote>

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