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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4335762" data-attributes="member: 14320">69 Things To Do In Wal-Mart(This is long but well worth reading!)* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell, ''I need some tampons!!''* Try on bras over top of your clothes.* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible ''Sex and Candy''* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, ''I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to ''10.''* Play with the automatic doors.* Walk up to complete strangers and say, ''Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!...'' etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.* While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, ''Who BUYS this shit, anyway?''* Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.* Put pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.* Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.* Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.* As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, ''Wow. Magic!'' * Put M&M's on layaway.* Move ''Caution: Wet Floor'' signs to carpeted areas.* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.* Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.* Nonchalantly ''test'' the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.* Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,''...I'm Batman. Come, Robin -- to the Batcave!"* TP as much of the store as possible.* Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.* Play with the calculators so that they all spell ''hello'' upside down. (01134)* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, ''Why won't you people just leave me alone?"* When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, ''Red Rover!''* Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.* Take bets on the battle described above.* Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. Barbie. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect...)* While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.* While no one's watching, quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ''Mission: Impossible.'* Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.* Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.* Fill an entire cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.* Set up a ''Valet Parking'' sign in front of the store.* Two words: ''Marco Polo.'* Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.* ''Re-alphabetize'' the CDs in Electronics.* In the auto department, practice your ''Madonna'' look with various funnels.* Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like ''the fat man walks alone,'' and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.* While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying ''How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won.'' Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.* When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, ''No, no! It's those voices again!''* Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.* Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.* Get a stuffed animal, go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying ''Good girl, good Bessie."* Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.* When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.* Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.* Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.* Test the fishing rods and see what you can ''catch'' from the other aisles.* In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with a girl and start flirting with him as ditisily as possible: ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).'' When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).''* Hold indoor shopping cart races.* Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.* When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially through narrow aisles.* Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.* Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.* Say things like, ''Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?''* Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., ''Do you have any Shnerples here?''* Ride a display bicycle through the store -- claim you're taking it for a ''test drive.''* Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.* Get boxes of condoms and randomly slip them into peoples' carts when they aren't paying attention.</blockquote>

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