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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4310333" data-attributes="member: 14320">Pissed OffComing into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, I'm so pissed off !Oh yeah? What happened? asked the bartender politely.See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!Gee, that's tough! commiserated the bartender.Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated, the customer went on.When her husband came into the room he said; Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?Yeech! the bartender shook his head. No wonder you're in a lousy mood.Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land? My damned forehead!Damn, that really is a drag! says the bartender.Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!The bartender paled. That would sure mess up my day.Yeah, yeah, yeah, the fellow rattled on, but do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!______Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?A: By becoming a ventriloquist!Q. What should you do if you come across an elephant in the middle of a jungle?A. Wipe it off & tell him you're sorry! A Frog's VoiceTHE OLD MAN WHO LOVES TO FISH WAS SITTING IN HIS BOAT ON A LAKE WHEN HE HEARD A VOICE SAY, "PICK ME UP."HE LOOKED AROUND AND COULD NOT SEE ANY ONE. HE THOUGHT HE WAS DREAMING WHEN HE HEARD THE VOICE AGAIN, "PICK ME UP."HE LOOKED IN THE WATER AND THERE FLOATING ON THE TOP WAS A FROG. THE OLD MAN SAID, "ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?"THE FROG SAID, "YES, I'M TALKING TO YOU. PICK ME UP AND KISS ME AND I'LL TURN INTO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN AND WILL GIVE YOU THE MOST WONDERFUL SEXUAL PLEASURES THAT YOU HAVE EVER DREAMED OF."THE OLD MAN LOOKED AT THE FROG FOR A SHORT TIME AND THEN REACHED OVER AND PICKED IT UP CAREFULLY, PLACING IT IN HIS FRONT BREAST POCKET.THEN THE FROG SAID, "WHAT ARE YOU NUTS, DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID? I SAID KISS ME AND I WILL GIVE YOU SEXUAL PLEASURES LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER HAD."THE OLD MAN OPENED HIS POCKET, LOOKED AT THE FROG AND SAID, "AT MY AGE I'D RATHER HAVE A TALKING FROG".========There once was a man from SnowmassWhose balls were made out of glass.When they rubbed togetherThey played Stormy WeatherAnd lightning shot out of his ass!There was a young gigolo named BrunoWho said, "Screwing's one thing I do know.While women are fine,And sheep are divine,Llama's are numero uno!"777There was a young lady from BrewsterWho's ass was so nice that I goosed her,But her panties were thinAnd my finger slipped inAnd it still just don't smell like it used ter.</blockquote>

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