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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4309159" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">LADIES....PAY ATTENTION!!</span></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong><em>Newly Discovered Benefits of Worshiping And Adoring Your Man's Penis</em></strong></p><p></p><p>1) Every blow job you give adds one month to your life.</p><p>2) If you swallow, the protein ingested is equivalent to five</p><p>porterhouse steaks - but contains only 150 calories.</p><p>3) A hand job a day keeps arthritis away.</p><p>4) Every ten minutes of dry humping is equivalent to ten minutes on the</p><p>treadmill.</p><p>5) Doing it doggie-style will erase crow's feet and wrinkles.</p><p>6) Intercourse prevents divorce.</p><p>7) Regular fucking releases Vitamin F, which increases the number of</p><p>brain cells.</p><p>8) Sex eliminates headaches.</p><p>9) Obeying the Eleventh Commandment, Thou shalt make thy man</p><p>hard, triples your chances of getting into heaven.</p><p>10) Inviting an attractive female friend into bed with you and your</p><p>lover earns you a diamond choker for your birthday.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">&&&</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The girl came skipping home from school one day.</p><p></p><p>"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other</p><p>kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4,</p><p>5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"</p><p></p><p>"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes,</p><p>it's because you're blonde."</p><p></p><p>The next day the girl came skipping home from school.</p><p>"Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and</p><p>all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B,</p><p>C, D, E, F, G!"</p><p></p><p>"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes,</p><p>it's because you're blonde."</p><p></p><p>The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy,Mommy,"</p><p>she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered,all the</p><p>other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"</p><p></p><p>And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good,"</p><p>said her embarrassed mother.</p><p></p><p>"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"</p><p></p><p>"No Honey, it's because you're 24."</p><p></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Teal"><strong>~THE REAL MAN'S TEST~</strong></span></p><p></p><p>This is a test DESIGNED BY REAL MEN, intended FOR REAL MEN ONLY.</p><p>Circle the best answer to each question below. Answers below</p><p></p><p><strong>1. Impotence is</strong></p><p>a. rude or disrespectful behavior</p><p>b. helpful when you need dinner reservations or theater tickets</p><p>c. when you care enough to give her a break from her sexual duties</p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>2. A menstrual cycle has</strong></p><p>a. three wheels</p><p>b. two wheels</p><p>c. no wheels...it just drags along</p><p></p><p><strong>3. The G-spot is</strong></p><p>a. a key on the piano</p><p>b. close to the F-spot</p><p>c. imaginary - dreamed up by feminists to persecute men</p><p></p><p><strong>4. Masturbate refers to</strong></p><p>a. the best fishing lure for big fish</p><p>b. everyone joining in the discussion</p><p>c. the rewards enjoyed by a man who does his best work alone</p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>5. Premature ejaculation is</strong></p><p>a. a man younger than 18 having sex</p><p>b. soiling your new PLAYBOY before you get to the centerfold</p><p>c. the ultimate testament to your woman's overpowering sex appeal</p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>6. A Douche is</strong></p><p>a. one rank above Earl</p><p>b. a playing card with the number "2"</p><p>c. French for "You're fresh out of luck tonight"</p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>7 Lesbian refers to</strong></p><p>a. someone from the Middle East</p><p>b. a French word for "the well"</p><p>c. a woman trying to do what a man does better</p><p></p><p><strong>8. Vagina is</strong></p><p>a. a heart disease</p><p>b. a state near Washington DC</p><p>c. like a Club Med - a retreat where kids aren't your responsibility</p><p></p><p><strong>9. Pornography is</strong></p><p>a. the business of making records</p><p>b. the science of loaning money against hocked valuables</p><p>c. better than foreplay - you're ready before she hits the sheets</p><p></p><p><strong>10. KOTEX is</strong></p><p>a. a radio station in Los Angeles</p><p>b. a synthetic fiber for outerwear</p><p>c. a chastity belt for women who don't need one</p><p></p><p><strong>11. A wet dream is likely to occur</strong></p><p>a. when your roof begins to leak at night</p><p>b. reading the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition</p><p>c. when a work accident has disabled both your hands</p><p></p><p>SCORING: The correct answer to all questions is (c).</p><p></p><p>If you got 11 CORRECT:</p><p>You are a real man. The only romantic challenge you face is finding</p><p>a woman worthy of your attentions.</p><p></p><p>If you got 6-9 CORRECT:</p><p>You are still a man...but you need to spend more time riding in</p><p>pickup trucks, talking to chicks on sex hotlines, visiting internet</p><p>pornography sites...</p><p></p><p>If you got 1-5 CORRECT:</p><p>Liberals, feminists, fairies and wimps are chipping away at your</p><p>manhood. Stay away from open, honest discussions of sexuality...</p><p>anyone's sexuality!</p><p></p><p>if you got NONE CORRECT:</p><p>It's time for sex change surgery, testosterone replacement therapy,</p><p>monastic life or marriage.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 4309159, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]LADIES....PAY ATTENTION!![/COLOR] [I]Newly Discovered Benefits of Worshiping And Adoring Your Man's Penis[/I][/B] 1) Every blow job you give adds one month to your life. 2) If you swallow, the protein ingested is equivalent to five porterhouse steaks - but contains only 150 calories. 3) A hand job a day keeps arthritis away. 4) Every ten minutes of dry humping is equivalent to ten minutes on the treadmill. 5) Doing it doggie-style will erase crow's feet and wrinkles. 6) Intercourse prevents divorce. 7) Regular fucking releases Vitamin F, which increases the number of brain cells. 8) Sex eliminates headaches. 9) Obeying the Eleventh Commandment, Thou shalt make thy man hard, triples your chances of getting into heaven. 10) Inviting an attractive female friend into bed with you and your lover earns you a diamond choker for your birthday. [B][COLOR="Red"]&&&[/COLOR][/B] The girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy,Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered,all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No Honey, it's because you're 24." [COLOR="Teal"][B] ~THE REAL MAN'S TEST~[/B][/COLOR] This is a test DESIGNED BY REAL MEN, intended FOR REAL MEN ONLY. Circle the best answer to each question below. Answers below [B]1. Impotence is[/B] a. rude or disrespectful behavior b. helpful when you need dinner reservations or theater tickets c. when you care enough to give her a break from her sexual duties [B] 2. A menstrual cycle has[/B] a. three wheels b. two wheels c. no wheels...it just drags along [B]3. The G-spot is[/B] a. a key on the piano b. close to the F-spot c. imaginary - dreamed up by feminists to persecute men [B]4. Masturbate refers to[/B] a. the best fishing lure for big fish b. everyone joining in the discussion c. the rewards enjoyed by a man who does his best work alone [B] 5. Premature ejaculation is[/B] a. a man younger than 18 having sex b. soiling your new PLAYBOY before you get to the centerfold c. the ultimate testament to your woman's overpowering sex appeal [B] 6. A Douche is[/B] a. one rank above Earl b. a playing card with the number "2" c. French for "You're fresh out of luck tonight" [B] 7 Lesbian refers to[/B] a. someone from the Middle East b. a French word for "the well" c. a woman trying to do what a man does better [B]8. Vagina is[/B] a. a heart disease b. a state near Washington DC c. like a Club Med - a retreat where kids aren't your responsibility [B]9. Pornography is[/B] a. the business of making records b. the science of loaning money against hocked valuables c. better than foreplay - you're ready before she hits the sheets [B]10. KOTEX is[/B] a. a radio station in Los Angeles b. a synthetic fiber for outerwear c. a chastity belt for women who don't need one [B]11. A wet dream is likely to occur[/B] a. when your roof begins to leak at night b. reading the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition c. when a work accident has disabled both your hands SCORING: The correct answer to all questions is (c). If you got 11 CORRECT: You are a real man. The only romantic challenge you face is finding a woman worthy of your attentions. If you got 6-9 CORRECT: You are still a man...but you need to spend more time riding in pickup trucks, talking to chicks on sex hotlines, visiting internet pornography sites... If you got 1-5 CORRECT: Liberals, feminists, fairies and wimps are chipping away at your manhood. Stay away from open, honest discussions of sexuality... anyone's sexuality! if you got NONE CORRECT: It's time for sex change surgery, testosterone replacement therapy, monastic life or marriage. [/QUOTE]
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