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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4220467" data-attributes="member: 14320">You Know You're Getting Older .....(Part 1)- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.- When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"- Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.- You know you're getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!- You and your teeth don't sleep together.- Your back goes out, but you stay home.- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.- Happy hour is a nap.- When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.- Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.- It takes twice as long to look half as good.- The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.- You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.- You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.- You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.- You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.- You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.- Let's face it, traveling just isn't as much fun when all the historical sites are younger than you are.- Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell.- You're suffering from alzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car.- Age always corresponds inversely to the size of your multi-vitamin.- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.- It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.- If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.- Your eyes won't get much worse.- Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.- Things you buy now won't wear out.- No one expects you to run into a burning building.- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.- You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.- You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."- Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a bikini.- You start video taping daytime game shows.- You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.- At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."- It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.</blockquote>

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