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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4220467" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong>You Know You're Getting Older .....</strong></p><p><strong>(Part 1)</strong></p><p></p><p>- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.</p><p>- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.</p><p>- When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.</p><p>- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.</p><p>- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"</p><p>- Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.</p><p>- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.</p><p>- You know you're getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!</p><p>- You and your teeth don't sleep together.</p><p>- Your back goes out, but you stay home.</p><p>- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.</p><p>- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.</p><p>- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.</p><p>- Happy hour is a nap.</p><p>- When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.</p><p>- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.</p><p>- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.</p><p>- Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.</p><p>- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.</p><p>- It takes twice as long to look half as good.</p><p>- The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.</p><p>- You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.</p><p>- You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.</p><p>- You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.</p><p>- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.</p><p>- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.</p><p>- You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.</p><p>- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.</p><p>- You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.</p><p>- Let's face it, traveling just isn't as much fun when all the historical sites are younger than you are.</p><p>- Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell.</p><p>- You're suffering from alzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car.</p><p>- Age always corresponds inversely to the size of your multi-vitamin.</p><p>- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.</p><p>- It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.</p><p>- If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.</p><p>- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.</p><p>- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.</p><p>- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.</p><p>- Your eyes won't get much worse.</p><p>- Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.</p><p>- Things you buy now won't wear out.</p><p>- No one expects you to run into a burning building.</p><p>- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.</p><p>- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.</p><p>- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.</p><p>- You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.</p><p>- You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."</p><p>- Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a bikini.</p><p>- You start video taping daytime game shows.</p><p>- You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.</p><p>- At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.</p><p>- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.</p><p>- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."</p><p>- It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 4220467, member: 14320"] [B]You Know You're Getting Older ..... (Part 1)[/B] - When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. - When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light. - When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you. - When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick. - When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!" - Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. - When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. - You know you're getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection! - You and your teeth don't sleep together. - Your back goes out, but you stay home. - You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture. - It takes two tries to get up from the couch. - Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. - Happy hour is a nap. - When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there. - Your idea of weight lifting is standing up. - It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. - Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer. - The pharmacist has become you new best friend. - It takes twice as long to look half as good. - The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals. - You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time. - You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest. - You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good. - You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more. - You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. - You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory. - You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it. - You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector. - Let's face it, traveling just isn't as much fun when all the historical sites are younger than you are. - Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell. - You're suffering from alzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car. - Age always corresponds inversely to the size of your multi-vitamin. - Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. - It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick. - If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you. - People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. - Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. - Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. - Your eyes won't get much worse. - Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient. - Things you buy now won't wear out. - No one expects you to run into a burning building. - There's nothing left to learn the hard way. - Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service. - In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. - You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs. - You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya." - Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a bikini. - You start video taping daytime game shows. - You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé. - At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough. - Your new easy chair has more options than your car. - Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments." - It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump. [/QUOTE]
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