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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4214191" data-attributes="member: 14320">Voodoo PenisA business man was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knewhis wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, sohe thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied whilehe was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started lookingaround. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for somethingspecial to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behindthe counter. He explained his situation.The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments,and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied forweeks, except---" and he stopped."Except what?" the man asked."Nothing, nothing.""C'mon, tell me! I need something!""Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The VoodooPenis.""So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old woodenbox, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, andthere lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said"Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." Hepointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to thedoor, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildlywith the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quietonce more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman.The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo andthat to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny andremembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said"Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch andstarted pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd everexperienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she becamevery exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, butit was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out,but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shutit off.Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quiveringwith every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intenseorgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this andimmediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then askedhow much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, "Ihaven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this VoodooPenis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in anarrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."The rest is history.</blockquote>

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