Menu
Home
Post Something
Forums
Current Activity
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
Latest activity
News & Features
The Marketplace
Cars for Sale
Engine and Performance
Chassis and Wheels
Exterior and Body
Interior and Cockpit
ICE - In Car Entertainment
Car Shops and Services
Toys and Wares
All Other Stuff
Jobs and Vacancies
Looking For
Members
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
Current Activity
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Reply to thread
See what others are reading now! Try Forums >
Current Activity
Home
Forums
Main Forums
General Talk
JeSt fOr LaUgHs...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Message
<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4183064" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong>Why Are Women So Cranky?</strong></p><p></p><p>Well, let me tell you why. </p><p>We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or</p><p>10 years old, only to find</p><p>anything that comes in contact with those</p><p>tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the</p><p>almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school</p><p>will snap until we have calluses on our backs.</p><p>Next, we get our</p><p>periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). </p><p>Along with those</p><p>budding boobs, we now bloat, cramp,</p><p>get the hormonal mood swings,</p><p>have a choice to wear little mattresses</p><p>between our legs or shove</p><p>tubular, packed cotton rods deep into places</p><p>we didn't even know we had.</p><p></p><p>Our next little rite of passage</p><p>(premarital or not) is having sex</p><p>for the first time,</p><p>which is about as much fun as having a ramrod</p><p>push your uterus through your nostrils ...</p><p>and that's IF he did</p><p>it right and didn't end up with his</p><p>little cart before his horse,</p><p>leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.</p><p></p><p>Then it's off to Motherhood,</p><p>where we learn to live on nothing but</p><p>dry crackers and water for months on end</p><p>so we don't spend entire</p><p>days leaning over Brother John.</p><p>Of course, amazing creatures that</p><p>we are (and we ARE, make no mistake about it),</p><p>we learn to live</p><p>with the growing little angels inside us</p><p>steadily kicking our innards</p><p>night and day,</p><p>making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby.</p><p>Our once-flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon</p><p>whole and we pee every time we sneeze.</p><p>When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will</p><p>invariably burst right in the middle of the mall</p><p>and we'll waddle with our big</p><p>cartoon feet, moaning in pain</p><p>all the way to the hospital.</p><p>Then it's huff and puff and beg to die</p><p>while the doctor says,</p><p>"Please stop screaming, Mrs. In-Labor.</p><p>Calm down and push. </p><p>Just one more good push,"</p><p>(he LIES; it's at LEAST 10 more!)</p><p>warranting a strong,</p><p>well-deserved impulse to punch</p><p>the bastard (and husband) square</p><p>in the nose for making us cram a wiggling,</p><p>mushroom-headed</p><p>ten pound bowling ball through a keyhole.</p><p></p><p>After that, it's time to raise those angels,</p><p>only to find that when</p><p>all that "cute" wears off,</p><p>the beautiful little darlings morph into</p><p>walking, jabbering, wet, gooey,</p><p>snot-blowing, life-sucking little</p><p>poop machines.</p><p>The teen years; need I say more?</p><p></p><p>The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious</p><p>sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's,</p><p>while hubby had his</p><p>somewhere around his 18th birthday</p><p>(which just *happens* to be the</p><p>reason all that early hot man sex</p><p>got you knocked up in the first place).</p><p>Now we hit the grand finale:</p><p>"Menopause," the Grandmother</p><p>of all womanhood.</p><p>It's either take the HRT</p><p>and chance cancer in</p><p>those now seasoned "buds"</p><p>or the aforementioned Nether Regions,</p><p>or sweat like a hog in January,</p><p>wash your sheets and pillowcases daily,</p><p>and bite the head off anything</p><p>that moves within your line of sight.</p><p></p><p>Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful</p><p>than men when men get off so easy</p><p>INCLUDING the icing on life's cake:</p><p>Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks?</p><p>Don't get me wrong -- I love being a woman,</p><p>but "Womanhood"</p><p>would make the Great Gandhi spiteful!</p><p>And they say women are the "weaker sex."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 4183064, member: 14320"] [B]Why Are Women So Cranky?[/B] Well, let me tell you why. We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old, only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, cramp, get the hormonal mood swings, have a choice to wear little mattresses between our legs or shove tubular, packed cotton rods deep into places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time, which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils ... and that's IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it's off to Motherhood, where we learn to live on nothing but dry crackers and water for months on end so we don't spend entire days leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we ARE, make no mistake about it), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day, making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once-flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the hospital. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the doctor says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. In-Labor. Calm down and push. Just one more good push," (he LIES; it's at LEAST 10 more!) warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and husband) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed ten pound bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it's time to raise those angels, only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. The teen years; need I say more? The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's, while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just *happens* to be the reason all that early hot man sex got you knocked up in the first place). Now we hit the grand finale: "Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or sweat like a hog in January, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily, and bite the head off anything that moves within your line of sight. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks? Don't get me wrong -- I love being a woman, but "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi spiteful! And they say women are the "weaker sex." [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
The Marketplace Latest
New original Defi Advance A1 NA package triple...
Started by
david tao
Engine and Performance
original rare Rays Volk Racing CE28 16x7jj offset...
Started by
david tao
Chassis and Wheels
Honda Jazz/Fit JSracing GTwing Spoiler
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
Toyota Vios NCP93 front bonnet hood
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
Honda civic fc varis spoiler
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
BMW F10 Msport front bumper set
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
BMW F30 M3/GTS front bonnet hood
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
BMW F10 vorsteiner rear bumper diffuser
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
Mitsubishi Lancer Evo bodykit
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
BMW F30 M3 front skirt lip
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
Posts refresh every 5 minutes
[diy] installation of evo 5/6 one piece headlights
I bought one piece headlights from this great seller...
looking for oil sprayer..need help
im looking for rb25det oil sprayer...anybody hv it??plz help..
where i can find skyline engine part..new part not halfcut...anybody know??
Evo stock alarm ON/OFF setting
just want to share something with u guys, if you still using the stock alarm here is a way to arm the alarm system, thks to the SWS (smart wiring system).. kinda impressive to me :P As i read, the original setting...
Recent Posts
Darker Design : Mercedes-Benz Launches GLA Nightfall Edition in Malaysia
Started by
The_Mechanic
News and Features
Honda Malaysia Doubles Down on Hybrids: New CR-V Launches with Dual e:HEV...
Started by
The_Mechanic
News and Features
BateriHub Reaches 200-Store Milestone, Becomes Malaysia’s Largest...
Started by
The_Mechanic
News and Features
Been stalking for 3 years edy
Started by
dheepadarshan95
Introduction and Newbies
Recommendation: Turbocharger for 4B11 N.A engine
Started by
Mitevo7
Car Modification
Search
Online now
Enjoying Zerotohundred?
Log-in
for an ad-less experience
Home
Forums
Main Forums
General Talk
JeSt fOr LaUgHs...