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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4175009" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">If God Was A Woman....</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. Sex would smell like chocolate</p><p>2. Farts would smell like roses</p><p>3. Dogs would smell spring fresh</p><p>4. Babies would come from vending machines</p><p>5. Men would be born with a permanent erection</p><p>6. All women would have the same size breasts</p><p>7. There would be no cellulite</p><p>8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE</p><p>9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch</p><p>10. There would be no "Hooters"</p><p>11. A man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife</p><p>12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in</p><p>Hawaii!</p><p>13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle</p><p>14. Men would come with software to be custom designed</p><p>15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by</p><p>wife</p><p>16. Men would have a built in lie detector on forehead for instant</p><p>verification of truth</p><p>17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the</p><p>difference between six inches and three inches</p><p>18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds</p><p>19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the</p><p>cheek</p><p>20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: Red"><strong>@@@</strong></span></p><p></p><p>Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious</p><p>techo-geek.</p><p></p><p>"Hey, bud, how are ya?"</p><p></p><p>"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is</p><p>beautiful!"</p><p></p><p>"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!"</p><p></p><p>"No way, how could that be?"</p><p></p><p>"She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she</p><p>works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you</p><p>squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all,</p><p>she can have sex, too!"</p><p></p><p>"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"</p><p></p><p>"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow</p><p>her"</p><p></p><p>So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with</p><p>her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa!</p><p>Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah!"</p><p></p><p>The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil</p><p>sharpener!"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 4175009, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]If God Was A Woman....[/COLOR][/B] 1. Sex would smell like chocolate 2. Farts would smell like roses 3. Dogs would smell spring fresh 4. Babies would come from vending machines 5. Men would be born with a permanent erection 6. All women would have the same size breasts 7. There would be no cellulite 8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE 9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch 10. There would be no "Hooters" 11. A man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife 12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii! 13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle 14. Men would come with software to be custom designed 15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by wife 16. Men would have a built in lie detector on forehead for instant verification of truth 17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches 18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds 19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the cheek 20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug. [COLOR="Red"][B]@@@[/B][/COLOR] Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek. "Hey, bud, how are ya?" "I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!" "Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!" "No way, how could that be?" "She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!" "Holy shit! You're kidding, right?" "No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her" So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah!" The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!" [/QUOTE]
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