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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4166836" data-attributes="member: 14320">Reasons Masturbation Is Better Than Real Sex1. Your hand always lets you finish first.2. It's free.3. Same reason my Chevy is better than a Ferrari: It's all I can get.4. You call the position.5. "Premature ejaculation" ? hehehe6. No weird looks when you pull out the peanut butter.7. Your privates are your best friend.8. Your girlfriend is just a piece of skin that you have sex with.9. Gives a single man good reason to wash his socks.10. Easier to join their "Mile High Club."11. You get to scream out your own name.12. Peeing is considered foreplay.13. Nobody ever says, "Why is it all green and wrinkly?"14. You'll never have two women, but you'll always have two HANDS!15. Four words: "Brad Pitt hand puppet."16. You can do it and play Interactive Top Ten at the same time.17. Don't have to clean up fur afterwards.---------Question: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?Answer: One. ONE!! And do you know why it only takes one? Because no oneelse in this house know show to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is burned out! They would sit in this house... in the dark... for THREE DAYS before they figured it out! And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS!But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, two days later thechair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to CHANGE the stupid light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!!!!THE HOUSE!!? IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... this...I'm sorry... what was the question...?---------- Post added at 04:12 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 10:58 AM ----------Letter Of ResignationANYBODY LOOKING TO RESIGN CAN USE THIS LETTER:Dear Sir,This will confirm my fucking resignation with your fucked up company. I have accepted a lucrative position with a company where being a bitch is not a job prerequisite for managerial skills.I am looking forward to my new position and the challenges that await me, unlike when I worked with you assholes.My last day of work will be when you realize I came in late last night and cleaned out my desk, including all the supplies I requested and received last week.Hopefully, your dumb ass can figure out all the shit I've left undone for the new team, as well as the ongoing projects I never completed.Once the company figures out that you don't know a damn thing, they will not only fire my replacement, but your ass as well.Please feel free not to say a damn thing to me should you see me on the street, unless you want your ass kicked.My experience with this fucking company has been very unrewarding. I was only rewarded by your secretary. She is a good fucker. She screwed me on your desk when you were away. She told me that you screwed her every time she appealed for salary increment. She enjoyed sex with me but not with a corpse like you. In short, you are not only a fucker but a poor fucker.Anyway, I appreciate having had the opportunity to use you as a stepping stone to a better future.I wish you and the organization not a fucking thing, bitch-ass motherfuckers.Yours sincerely,__________Q: How do most men define marriage?A: An expensive way to get their laundry done for free.First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant.The doctor says, "I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?"The girl thought and then asked, "Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans,would you know which bean made you FART?"__________Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.She multiplies and enlarges whatever is given to her.So bear that in mind - if you give her any crap, she'll give you a ton of shit.</blockquote>