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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4165101" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Green">Results Of The Week </span></strong> </p><p></p><p>One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow</p><p>hurts like crazy. I guess I better see a doctor."</p><p></p><p>"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.</p><p>"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine</p><p>sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about</p><p>it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a</p><p>doctor."</p><p></p><p>So Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He</p><p>deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine</p><p>sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later,</p><p>the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in</p><p>warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank</p><p>you for shopping at Wal-Mart."</p><p></p><p>That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe</p><p>began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap</p><p>water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and</p><p>daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.</p><p></p><p>Joe hurried back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.</p><p>He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the</p><p>results.</p><p></p><p>The computer then prints the following:</p><p></p><p>1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)</p><p></p><p>2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)</p><p></p><p>3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.</p><p></p><p>4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer</p><p></p><p>5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your tennis elbow will never</p><p>get better!</p><p></p><p>Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">&&& </span></strong></p><p></p><p>Mary had a little pig,</p><p>She kept it fat and plastered;</p><p>And when the price of pork went up,</p><p>She shot the little bastard.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">*****</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A ninety-three year old goes to a hooker. When he takes out his</p><p>limp, old dick she says, "You've had it, mister!"</p><p>"Thank you! How much do I owe you?"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">*****</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A woman was confessing to her psychiatrist that she had fallen in love</p><p>with her vibrator. "It's not as bad as it sounds," she added. "It's more</p><p>or less an on-again, off-again relationship."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 4165101, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Green"]Results Of The Week [/COLOR][/B] One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart." That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurried back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results. The computer then prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your tennis elbow will never get better! Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart [B][COLOR="Red"]&&& [/COLOR][/B] Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard. [B][COLOR="Red"]*****[/COLOR][/B] A ninety-three year old goes to a hooker. When he takes out his limp, old dick she says, "You've had it, mister!" "Thank you! How much do I owe you?" [B][COLOR="Red"]*****[/COLOR][/B] A woman was confessing to her psychiatrist that she had fallen in love with her vibrator. "It's not as bad as it sounds," she added. "It's more or less an on-again, off-again relationship." [/QUOTE]
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