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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4083842" data-attributes="member: 14320">Jokes for December, 2009December 1When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was lost on the beach and the cop helped me look for my parents I said, "Do you think we'll find them?" He said, "I don't know, kid, there's so many places they could hide."December, 2It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.December, 3I get no respect. This last week my tie was on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!December, 4I get no respect at all. I donated to a sperm bank. Now I'm the father of three puppies. December, 5I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, "There goes the neighborhood!"December, 6And I tell ya I got no confidence in the pilot. When he makes a left turn he puts his hand out. December, 7I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.December, 8Hey , I don't get respect from anyone. Why, American Airlines, they thanked me for flying United. December, 9I don't get no respect. I told my psychiatrist I got suicidal tendencies. He said from now on I have to pay in advance.December, 10I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.December, 11I don't get no respect. I joined Gambler's Anonymous. They gave me two to one I don't make it.December, 12I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.December, 13Last Christmas I got no respect. In my stocking, I got an odor-eater.December, 14What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.December, 15I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. Well, I told him I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.December, 16I don't get no respect at all from my dog. Well, he keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave. December, 17With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.December, 18I tell you, I can't take it no more. My dog found out we look alike, he killed himself.December, 19I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!December, 20When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, "I'm gonna run away from home." She said, "On your mark..."December, 21When I was a kid I got no respect. My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. December, 22With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.December, 23With my old man I got no respect. When he told me I should start at the bottom. He was teaching me how to swim.December, 24With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.December, 25With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride. December, 26When I was a kid I got no respect. Every week my old man took me to the zoo. I found out he was trying to make a trade.December, 27When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.December, 28When I was a kid I got no respect. I asked my old man if I could go ice skating on the lake. He told me to wait till it gets warmer.December, 29When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other. December, 30When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.December, 31With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.</blockquote>

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