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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4060829" data-attributes="member: 14320">Letters To SantaDear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boyall yeer.Yer Frend, BiLLyDear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.How about I send you a fricken book so you can learn to read and write?I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!Santa-----Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I askfor is peace and joy in the world for everybody!Love, SarahDear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?Santa-----Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd likefor my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.Love, TeddyDear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen doorin a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back toyour frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up thatdream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.Santa-----Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, adog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.Love, FrancisDear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis"nowadays? I bet you're gay.Santa-----Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I leftcarrots for your reindeer outside the back door.Love, SusanDear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in myface when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me abottle of scotch.Santa-----Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busymaking toys?Your friend, ThomasDear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,where spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind bydrinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresseswhile losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.Santa-----Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know whenwe're awake, like in the song?Love, JessicaDear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever youdo. I'm skipping your house.Santa-----Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please pleasePLEASE PLEASE could I have one?TimmyTimmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crapdoesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.Santa-----Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get intoour home?Love, MarkyMark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're gettingyour ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you livein a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just likeall the burglars do, through your bedroom window.Sweet Dreams, Santa</blockquote>

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